I lost my son almost ten years ago and I can still barely speak his name. I believe that I am responsible for his death because I can't think of one good or positive thing I did before he came along. I have tried to make the world a place that I would want him to grow up in. I have worked to become the kind of man that I would want him to be. I feel as though it will never be enough. My pain has never lessened. How can I come to peace.
2006-08-15 20:32:02 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
The greatest advice that I remember getting about death was in a poem... I no longer remember the exact words or lines, being blonde, but I do remember what the general idea that was being said: if when you remember me all you can do is cry, I would rather you not remember me at all.
There was another commercial, about heart disease, I believe. It was about a family that lost their son to disease. They were going to send a card and so on to the family for Christmas... Instead they just put in a photo where it said, "His love and laughter brought joy to our hearts. Peace to our sweet baby boy."
Your son was, no matter what his age, a joy to your life... If you worked so hard to try to make the world good for him, then you obviously cared very much for him. Your son loved you. I don't know you, but I don't need to. I know your son cherished you, and you were his father. It doesn't matter who you were before. Your honest effort to make the world a better place for him is all that matters. Remember that your son would be sad if he knew the memory of him only brought you pain. He would want you to remember what time he had on this earth with joy, and consider it a blessing. Even if he left this life before it was his time, he was here, and he was your baby. Remember holding him, remember the love you poured into him, remember how he made you happy... Remember him, and smile. He's always a part of you, as long as you don't let his memory die, or smoulder away in your tears.
... Now I'm all teary... I hope this helps.
2006-08-15 20:41:53 · answer #1 · answered by Meredia 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry about the pain you are going through .. I don't know if it will ever go away, I just lost a son on Aug 2, 2006 (when we found out). Since its new all I can say is to find ways to honor him .. know that he is watching over you, he is your own angel. I talk to my Zachary every day.. tell him how much I love him, how deeply his mommy misses him. Then I pray that God has him safe and sound. Also another factor would be to find a good griefing support.. a place where people have been through a loss of a child. No one understands the pain until you experienced it yourself.
Sending you tons of hugs .. Mel
2006-08-16 03:40:21 · answer #2 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First I am sorry for your loss. When i was seven my brother Daniel died at the age of nine months, my mother has never gotten over this and i am now 36. the death of a child is something only those who have lost a child can understand and maybe you should find a christian support group to attend with others who have lost their children . I can offer little in the way of you feeling responsible because my Mom feels the same way but I can tell you what i learned thru her the Bible says "Suffer the little children to come unto me for such is the kingdom of heaven" A child under the age of understanding is not condemned to hell but goes to Heaven to be with Jesus. My prayer for you is that you to know the Lord as your Savior so that you may be reunited with your son someday in heaven. God Bless
2006-08-16 05:37:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
William T,
Honor him by continuing to make the world a better place.
I don't know if you'll ever get over it. It sounds like one of the worst things that could happen. I hate it when people talk about closure. I think that closure is a fairytale. How do you get closure for someone so loved? I don't think that it can be done.
I will tell you that God is my peace. It's His nature. He keeps His word. I would probably dig into Psalms and let the tears flow. But I don't really know, I don't have a son.
2006-08-16 03:39:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your pain and the loss of your son. We can often drive ourselves crazy with the what ifs........You really need to quit beating yourself up over his death. Stop blaming yourself. God didn't take your son away from you, just because you didn't do anything positive before your son came along. He doesn't work like that. He loves you and he knows your pain. After all, God gave his only begotten son to us. He watched his son die,so he shares your pain.
The pain of loosing a child is so unbearable, and it never goes away, but you can learn to cope with it. Just trust in God and put all your burdens upon him. Lean on him.
Keep in mind that the day of resurrection will come some day. And in that day hopefully you will see your son again. Love God with your whole heart and accept Jesus as our savior, and you will meet with him again.
My heart goes out to you, and I hope you truly find the peace that you so much deserve.
God Bless, and keep the Faith!
2006-08-16 03:52:09 · answer #5 · answered by GraycieLee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm saddened by your loss, darling. First of all, do not blame yourself for your son's death. You did the best you could as a father. I don't know the circumstances, but as with any loss of a loved one, you have to grieve. It sounds like you've never fully grieved for him. It's okay to cry, love. Let go of all of that pain and anguish. Once you've done that, then you can begin to live again. Also, you can seek professional grief counselors and support groups. The world needs you, sweetie. Heal yourself and then you can help others. Be blessed and remember that you are loved.
2006-08-16 03:41:08 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will never "get over" the death of your son, but someday you may become accustomed to the fact that he is gone. When my parents died some people implied that "I will get over it", but the truth is that you don't get over it, you just get used to the fact that this is the way things are now. It sounds like what you are doing in trying to make the world a better place would have made him happy, so you should take some comfort in that.
2006-08-16 03:40:11 · answer #7 · answered by Paul H 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sweety, you have to let the guilt go. Even if it was totally your fault, guilt will cripple you from being everything you were meant to be on this planet. Your son is watching you from the other side (however your beliefs frame that) and would want you to achieve your very best and grow strong.
*hugs*
Release the guilt and be free to remember him in all ways good.
2006-08-16 03:37:04 · answer #8 · answered by Tish-a-licious 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one... May God ease your pain and suffering. I think you should give away much in charity in your son's name. In Islam, people sometimes do pilgrimage to Mecca on behalf of a relative who has passed on. Try to do one good deed a day and ask God to bless your son with the blessings of it. One day, you will be together again with your son and it will be a happy and beautiful day. May God bless you and your son.
2006-08-16 03:42:26 · answer #9 · answered by Mustafa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think one thing you can do right now is pray. You are in no way responsible for his death! You have to understand that. Pray for your son and for your peace. It will come if you pray regularly and honestly. I will pray for you tonight and I'm sure other's will too. Please try to understand that you are not responsible for his death and you KNOW he loves you very much... and I know he knows that you love him too. He is in a wonderful place now and remember you will see him again! :)
Don't listen to the other people who obviously don't care... they will get what's coming to them. God Bless.
2006-08-16 03:39:04 · answer #10 · answered by TOGA TOGA 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋