Does anyone have any good jokes?? Please share.?

Question

I got 2:
What is the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
A prostitute can was her crack and sell it again.

What is the difference between pink and purple?
The grip

Got any you want to share??

Answer 1

A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Bush, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."

The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

Answer 2

I loaned my brother $10,000.00 to start his own business. He went to Japan and opened a Tall Mens Shop.

An airline captain comes on the PA and says, "One of our engines is on fire but don't be alarmed folks, we have verything under control." A few minutes later he comes on again and says, "You may have seen out the window that we now have two engines on fire but it's ok. Everything is under control."
A few minutes later the PA announces, "This is your Captain speaking. If you look out the window you'll see two parachutes off in the distance. That would be the co-pilot and me. This is a recording."

My favorite quote: "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!"

Answer 3

there was a captain of a ship who was standing proud when all of a sudden his first mate came and said captian enemy ship on the horizen hearing this he said to the first mate bring me my red shirt. they fought that day and dident lose one single soul after the battle the frist mate asked the captian before the battle you said bring me my red shirt why sir?the captain said why if i was shot i dident want my men to see me bleeding so they would keep fighting on. well the next day the first mate came up to the captain and said 20 enemy ships on the horizen then the captain said bring me my brown pants lolololololololololololol

Answer 4

lol.nice.but i have 3 jokes to share as well.

-One day a silly man calls Weather Bureau and tells them:" oh thank you so much it was very nice weather yesterday.

-one day that silly man goes on a trip.he just gets on the bus, so at midnight when all passangers are in asleep, he just looks around and then goes to the bus driver and tells him :' hey are you crazy? who are you driving for? they are all in asleep."

-One day a woman with her friend goes to police station and says to an officer:" Oh officer ive lost my boyfriend" .The officer asks her:" tell me Miss how does ur Boyfriend look like?" .she says:" well he is tall man about 190 cms, and 107 Kgs with dark hair ,and beautiful Hazel eyes with strong amrs, with nice white skin,so attractive man with little nose and eyes and hot lips" then her friend whisperes in her ear and tell her:" hey but ur boyfriend DOES NOT look like that u described." Then the woman says to her friend :' Oh shut up, now they are going to find boyfriend for me ,LET THEM FIND NICE ONE."

if you enjoyed them just let me know.thank you so much.

Answer 5

All the people on this site are jokes!

Answer 6

Sorry, I already posted my good ones.