i want a baby?

Question

im only 17 and for as long as i can remember i have always wanted a baby..i think that it would make me feel more like im needed here on this planet..and like i could finally have sombody who loved me back as much as i loved them..that wasn't either my mom or my sister....i finally realized that my want and need for a baby comes from when i was a child my mother gave birth to my baby sister who died at birth from potters syndrome....and i feel that ever since she died i have wanted my own child and i was only 4 at the time my mother had my babysister mary...i want to know if my want and need for a baby is normal...and if it is bad that i want a baby at such a young age....and have tried several times and have not gotten pregnant..and now i fear that i can't have babies....What should i do?Why do i feel this way?

Answer 1

Hi, I am very sorry for the loss of your sister, and I'm sure it hurts everyday to even think about what happened. But, I understand how you feel --i'm 20 and married, but sometimes when life isn't going great I think that If I was pregnant, that i'd feel like i've fulfilled my life a lot more and that I'd live a better life being able to love a child and have a child love me back. You on the other hand are NOT married and are not 18 yet. I understand where this need and want is coming from, but are you sure you are ready to handle the consequences and responsibilities of being a young mom? I don't know if you are trying to get pregnant from your boyfriend, or who--but, maybe you not being able to get pregnant is a sign from God saying that "this is not your time." I don't know everything though ---but raising a baby is very hard--and when I graduated high school 2 of my close friends were pregnant and not married, and have since been raising the children on their own. You need to make sure that no matter what you do---you can provide a good life for this child if you do have one. You seem very mature, but maybe you should talk to someone at Planned parenthood about all of this, or find a confidential 24-hr hotline to speak to someone about wanting to get pregnant. I'll pray for you and hope everything works out for the best...x0x0

Answer 2

oh, no sweetie. You should wait till your married. Being a single mother is no walk in the park. There will always be issue's of custody, child support, babysitting because you are forced to work, and all that. Wait a few more years when your married to the mate of your life. That way he won't have to take care of an extra kid that's not his either, and you can go out on dates before you get married without a kid pulling on your shirt. Think about the future. In the meantime, it is very natural to want a baby. It's the instinct of every woman to want a baby. I watch my 5 year old with her baby doll, and how she bounces it, feeds it, puts it to sleep. I know she will be a great mother one day, and you will too- but not now. Try babysitting for a while. If you ecspecially like newborns, find someone you know who has a newborn, and beg them to let you babysit so you can at least be around them. That might take some edge off. Hang in there ok?

Answer 3

I think a lot of teen pregnancy comes from this type of thinking. What you need to realize is that this little person will love you but unfortunatly not always act like it AND you will love it 100 times more than it will ever love you. Once you become a mom your job is to give , nurture , protect and anything you may get n return is just extra. If you really love the child you hope to have one day then do yourself a favor and do that child a favor by not bringing it into existance until you are financiallly and emotionally ready AND until it is being done with the right person and for the right reasons. You can not recreate or replace your lost sibling, you can not fill the void left by the death of one person by creating another. Wait until you are settled and finished with your own childhood before starting someone elses.

Answer 4

I understand your want for a child, and respest that! I am sorry for what happened in your pass, but having a child will not make that pain more bearable! You are young, but not to young. If you can support a child I don't have anything bad to say about getting pregnant young, as long as you have a stable boyfriend that you know will be there for you and the child. I can understand where you come from for the want of a child cause I to love children and wanted a baby! I also tryed and failed at first and got all worked up about the "what if's" in life..such as what if I could not get pregnant! Don't worry about that because I am sure you can just dont worry about it and don't try to hard! I am now 34 weeks pregnant and the key to getting that way is just relax, and don't try so hard. It will happen all in good time. Good luck and stay safe.

Answer 5

It's called raging hormones and confusion over your sister who died. Dear, you want something (or someone) to love and who you feel will love you unconditionally in return. You DON'T bring a baby into the world to satisfy these desires. You need to talk to a trusted adult about these things and perhaps get some professional therapy. At 17 you are WAY TOO YOUNG and immature to have a baby or be saddled with one. There are a lot of good times ahead of you but NOT if you do something stupid and become pregnant at this point. Talk to a therapist.

Answer 6

it is ok to want a baby but it is not ok to act on one. If you are a responsible person and not selfish, you will wait until you are financially and mentally ready to raise a child (and hopefully married). try full time babysitting 24/7 an infant for 5 days and then ask yourself if you really want a baby at 17. until then, just keep it in your head. wait 7 years and then you will truely be able to give to a child what they need. a baby will not make you feel more needed. you need to love yourself as much as one can love themself. a child will not be able to give that to you. you will just end up screwing them up if you do not love yourself 1st. having a child should not be a selfish act and that is what you are describing you want a child for. If you are having sex, use birth control and condoms. There are many STD's out there that can make you steril so be careful and when the time is right and you are out of college and can support another person then you will be ready.

Answer 7

Okie dokie,
First thing I'm 23 and I am pregnant with my first baby. I also just got married, but I am low income. Not a very easy life, but I'm very happy.

I have always wanted to have children and be a stay at home mom and all of that ever since I can remember. But now that I'm pregnant, and though I can't wait to have this baby, I also know that my life is not going to be very easy.

Being pregnant, though a wonderful experience also has its downs too. There’s the morning sickness every day in the first 3 months or longer. The aches and pains from everything loosening up for birth. The nights when no matter what you do you can't sleep. The frequent trips to the bathroom and the small accidents from when you can't get to one or you sneeze or laugh too hard. The pains from the karate chops the baby does to your insides as he or she is doing their daily workout. And last but not least, if you should get sick, like a cold or the flu, you are only allowed to take few if any kinds of medication while you are pregnant, and certainly nothing during your first three months. (Trust me, I was very sick twice with colds and ear infections)

That's just from being pregnant. We're not mentioning when the pain comes from giving birth!

But of course there is the baby afterwards. The sweet little bundle of joy that coos and laughs. Most of the time the baby poos and cries! You are in complete control of this child’s life. Not only in feeding the baby every two hours when the child is born, but clothing, bathing, changing many diapers, healing when sick, doctors’ appointments, teaching then how to sit up, crawl, walk and run. That's all within the first year or two. You must also realize that you are the only mother to this child for the rest of your natural life! You are responsible for everything your child says, does, and even becomes of in life. Not only are you responsible for caring for the child, but you are solely responsible for training the child to become a sociable, acceptable, responsible success in society!

Now I understand your desire to be a mother and it was triggered by the loss of your sister. But the loss of your sister should not be the reason why you want to have children so early in life. It is a very hard thing to deal with a death in the family like that, but bringing in a helpless innocent child into this harsh world because you want to make up for the loss of someone in your life is nothing short of a romanticized idea. Raising children is nothing short of you sacrificing your entire life for that child and in the end the strength to carry on and still love that child even when they turn and reject you and your love as they become adults.

What you need to do right now honey is live your life. Be completely sure of who you are as an adult first before you have children. You are only 17. You are still discovering what life is all about! Get a college education. Get a job. Get a husband should you fall in love. Then after you have done the things that separate you as an adult from being a child and you have made something of yourself, then you can bring your beautiful children into this world. You'll be better prepared and more confident in yourself and as a success in society, as an adult, as a woman, and then as a mother.

I wish you all the best sweet heart. Should one day you have a daughter you should name her in honor of your little sister. That's how you can remember your sister when you are ready.

Answer 8

WOW!!! No I don't believe there is anything wrong with you BUT I feel you are way too young to have a baby. As a 40 y/o woman and mother who waited til i was 20 y/o to have a baby, I suggest you wait. It sounds like to me you want a baby so that you can feel loved. Maybe you should look for more friends or join a club of some sort to occupy yourself. I recently found out that my 16 y/o daughter wants to have a baby. As her mother, I was absolutely devestated. Please, seek help from your parents, grandparents or maybe even professional help. You won't ever regret waiting for a proper time to have a baby. Good luck

Answer 9

Its normal as a woman to feel that way, but you need to think about all of the responsibility involved and money!! I am 30, college educated, married to a man who is college educated with an amazing job and we still need to figure out how to budget a baby. We are due on Monday. We wanted to wait a until about 33 but she is coming sooner. I still feel too young to have so much responsibility, be young!!! Go to college, go on trips with your girlfriends, go to concerts and beaches and enjoy every minute of being young because when a baby comes, its not about you anymore, its all about the baby and what he or she needs before you. Please dont get pregnant and take care of the baby for like a year and then give it to your mom to take care of. Get a puppy or kitten before you ruin a childs life. If you where brought up poor, do you want that for your child, dont you want them to have everything you didnt?

Answer 10

I felt the same when i was ur age. I got married when I was sixteen and had my daughter when I was 17. Perwonally I would wait if I was you. I'm sure you will be a great mom, but your young focus on your goals first. Take my advice my daughter is now 8 years old and we are struggling so bad we are living with my parents. Its a tough world out here honey. If you ever need someone to talk to im me at churchgrl79. (i'm sure plenty of people love you dearly)