can anyone tell me some nice funny jokes and riddles?

Question

i want really nice one please.

Answer 1

Question: An elephant was in love with a
she-elephant.
But the she-elephant went and got married to some
other elephant. So our elephant was very Depressed.
One of his friends felt sorry for him, and took him
to
a park to cheer him up. In the park, they sat on a
see-saw, but the see-saw broke. Now, which song
would
our hero sing?

Ans: "See-saw ho ya dil ho, aakhir toot jaata hai."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Question: Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in
love
with each other and want to get married, but
cannot.
Why?

Ans: Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" is
illegal.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Question: One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day
for
all his bad deeds. He felt that he should go an
apologise to Ram for all the problems he had
caused.
So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door.
Ram
opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan
standing there. Ravan just kept staring and
thinking
but didn't say a word. What was he thinking?
Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"

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Question: How do you "cut" roads?

Ans: By laughing... because "Haste haste cut jaye
raaste".

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Question: Luv and Kush are going to a village and
pass
by a well. Luv falls into the well. Why?

Ans: Because Luv is blind.

Question: Now, Kush also jumps in. Why?

Ans: Because Luv ke liye saala Kush bhi karega!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Question: Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya
hai?...........

...........

.........Socho, socho. Nahi pata?

Ans: D'Cold; Because... Chan ki saans - D'Cold

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Question: Chalo ab batao, Jackie Chan ki bahu ka
naam
kya hai? ..........

.............
This one's really simple...

Ans: D'Cold again... Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu
thi
:-)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


A railway station beggar meets another beggar.A
software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question?

"So, which platform are you working on?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



Question: What do you call a person who is leaving
India?

Ans: Hindustan Lever.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Question: What do you call a person who leaves
India,
but doesn't travel much?

Ans: Hindustan Lever Limited.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Question: In an elephant school, some loafer
elephants
were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female
elephant passes by. What do the loafer elephants
say
about her?

Ans: Look yaar, 36000 - 24000 - 36000!!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Question: Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha. Uska
naam kya tha?

Ans: Adidas.

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Question: Prasad asks Kumble to bring a Pepsi.
Kumble
brings a bottle, but takes it directly to
Tendulkar.
Why?

Ans: Because Tendulkar is an opener.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Question: What is the similarity between
Satynarayan
pooja and the Indian cricket team?

Ans: Dono ke ant me "Prasad" aataa hai.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Question: Who is Joe?

Ans: Kambakth ishq... Because "Kambakth ishq hai
Joe!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Question: The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie
"my heart is an umbrella'. Which movie did he
really
want to see?

Ans: Dil Chhaata Hai.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


these will make u fall off ur chair!!


Woh kaun sa hindi geet hai jis main "Internet
Explorer" ka zikar kiya gaya
hai???

Hint: The heroine also refers to herself as
InternetExplorer.

If you don't know...

Scroll down for the answer...
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The answer is... Maine Pyar Kiya.

And the song goes....

Aajaa shaam hone IE (Internet Explorer)
Mausam ne lee angada IE
To kis baat ki hai lada IE
Tu chal........ Main IE !!!
>
>
>
>
>
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Once 5 CHIPKALIs (house lizards) :
Phulwa,RaamPyaari, RaamDulari,RaamPuri and
RaamChuri
were crawling on the wall when all of a sudden,
Phulwa
started to sing a song. the moment Phulwa stopped
singing the song, RaamPyaari,RaamDulari, RaamPuri
and
RaamChuri fell down
from the wall !!!...
WHY ???
scroll down for answer. . . . . . . . . .

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> coz, they all started clapping !!!!
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> Ek Aur
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> PJ Isse kehte hain.........
>
Gattu ek lecture attend karta hai. lecture ke
baad use
bhookh lagti hai. so he goes to the canteen.
canteen
mein gattu ek pav leta hai. jaise hi woh pav
khane ke
liye uthata hai to dekhta hai ki uski plate mein
"jannat" likha hai.

To janaab ab aapko yeh batana hai ki gattu jiska
lecture attend karke aa raha hai, us proffessor
ka
naam kya hai???
guess
scroll down for the answer
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The answer is

Ishq Ki Chhaon.

Jinke "Sir" ho "Ishq ki Chhaon"
"Pav" ke neeche "Jannat" hogi....

Don't scratch ur head this is a song from film
"Dil
> >>>Se"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

> >>>
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What wud u call a Gal who never laughs....?
....and the Answer is..........
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HASINA !

PS: hottest pie in the town
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



This one will make u mad..........

Once all the scientists die and go to
heaven............
They decide to play hide-n-seek.........
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den...........
He is supposed to count upto 100
...and then start searching.....
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.........
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it rightin front of Einstein...........
Einsteins counting......
97,98,99.....

100........
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........
Einstein says "newtons out..newtons....out....."
Newton denies and says i am not out........
He claims tht he is not Newton......
All the scientists come out and he proves tht he is not newton..........
how.................
> >>
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> >>>scroll down.........
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> >>>....scroll down......... further..............
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> >>>...................Scroll little......
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> >>>His proof:
> >>>
> >>>Newton says:
> >>>I am standing in a square of area 1m square.....
> >>>That means i am Newton per meter square......
> >>>Hence i am Pascal....since newton per meter
square =Pascal

Answer 2

A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Bush, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."

The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

Answer 3

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages. I hope, it helps u.

http://www.justriddlesandmore.com/
http://www.contestcen.com/kidrid.htm
http://www.dltk-kids.com/games/general_jokes.htm
http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/braint.htm
http://www.allriddles.com/
http://www.riddlenut.com/
http://www.riddles.com/
http://www.basicjokes.com/riddles.php
http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/showthread.php?t=28479
http://www.humorshack.com/gw/aw/hard-riddles.shtml
http://www.braingle.com/
http://www.onlyriddles.com/
http://www.eduplace.com/math/brain/index.html
http://256.com/gray/teasers/
Please visit the above pages and see if ur appetite for riddles is satiated. Have fun with friends and others. Surprise them with ur creativity. Enjoy.

Answer 4

Hi! Mirror of Nothingness, ur jokes really made my day; especially the Newton-Einstein 1. Thanks 4 it.
A thumb-up frm my side:)

Answer 5

Sorry, I already posted all my good ones.