So should I start calling her or what?

Question

Alright, so my girlfriend of 5 years (actually fiance) broke up with me about a month ago. We were getting married in a few weeks. I haven't spoker to her since then. Actually I say her briefly a couple weeks ago to pickup some mail and she told me she wants me to call her. I said no, you can call me if you want to talk. So 2 more weeks pass. Anyway, she called last night and we talked for about an hour. Didn't talk about us, just other stuff. At the end of the conversation she said that she didn't want to lose me as a friend and that she was serious about me calling her. So I don't know what to do. Is she just trying to get me to chase her? Or does she really want to start talking again? I don't know what to do. I don't want to call her and be a pawn, but I don't want to not call her and miss out on fixing things. Should I just let her keep calling me?

Answer 1

She may just be keeping you on the side.If she wants to be friends then let her make the moves.But i would be careful.If she left you before your marriage what makes you believe she wouldn't if you had gotten married..be wary of her

Answer 2

I think that you should call her. But definately focus the conversation on "us talk" because that's all you really want to know right now, anyway. Don't get sucked into playing the friend part. After 5 years, you simply can not go from being lovers to being just friends. You can try for a while if you like, hide your feelings and pretend, but eventually you'll get jealous or you won't be able to stand being just friends anymore and it will end terribly (again?).

So definately call her and try to fix things, but realize that if it can not be fixed, then everything has to be over between you two. Also try to keep some dignity about you, don't grovel and try to crawl back--she's already got all the power in this situation, grovelling will only make her realize it even more!

Good luck!

Answer 3

Ok, something is really wrong here.

Obviously she had second thoughts. Obviously you didn't.

Before you go diving back in to that psycho storm, would'nt it be a good idea to find out exactly why she split and if it will recur(like every month for a week).

Although, "the lose me as a friend" game has always been a way for a girl not to feel guilty while nailing someone new.

Tread lightly.

Answer 4

Lets review...
She broke up with you and then she called you but didn't discuss your problem(s)? And yet she wants you to call her to talk about your issues? What is that?
Five years is a long time to still be quarreling about who makes the first call. Especially since she made the first call and then wouldn't talk about the problems. I'm confused. I imagine you are as well. Ask her what the bottom line is here. Two people who love each other and care about their relationship don't play these games.

Answer 5

You should get it all out on the table with her so that you can resolve the issues that broke you two up in the first place - or - pronounce the relationship over so you can both move on. Make a time to talk only about what went wrong. Listen to her concerns and then take a day or two to search your feelings about what she is saying. Then you can make a clearer decision about the next steps to take.

Answer 6

She still cares for you. You should call her. Maybe she got cold feet about getting married. 5 years is a long time and I'm sure she misses you and needs to still have you in her life in some way. Maybe things will work out for you. Good luck!

Answer 7

I think first, you guys need to resolve the issue of the break up. Then figure out if you can/want to be her friend, nothing else. Don't be around for her to fix things. She needs to learn to do that herself. She may be serious about staying your friend, but be clear as to what her real intentions are before you jump in, as well as you need to know if you can handle it once she starts dating other guys.

Answer 8

She misses you. You two were together for 5 years! She may be mad and have regrets about the whole thing, but it sounds like she truely does miss you (although she doesnt say it). Talk with her. Maybe she slowly wants to patch things up. The best way to do that is to become friends. I know its hard. If you do like talking to her, i say call her. You sound like you want to, but are scared. I really wish the best of luck to you. It must be hard break up when your engaged. I couldnt imagine how hard that must be.

Answer 9

Call her ONCE. But set the record straight. Tell her you will not be her pawn. If you guys are only going to be friends, that's fine, but after that, leave it alone. Otherwise she will play you like a fiddle. Don't let her.

Answer 10

Shes playing little games with you. yeah she might want you to chase her, or she might even have another bf. whatever the case, dont give her the satisfaction of a chase. play it like you dont give a damn. see who comes running back. and if she dosent come back, forget about her and move on. you deserve someone that is not immature to play games like that. DONT GIVE IN!!!! your representing guys all over the world!.....and you guys that dont agree with me, shut up.
think about it , if she really wanted to marry you, would she have broken up with you a month before the wedding? and that line.."i dont want to loose you as a friend" that is total BS man. that really means..." i dont want to be with you anymore, but out of pity...your still my friend". Trust me dude. Dont give a chase. call off the wedding. better yet, call her and tell her your calling off the wedding. if she wants a chase....let her chase you.
Good Luck!