is it wrong to not want to forgive my father for walking out on me?

Question

i've read some of your answers and you should know that i've haven't seen or heard from him in 4 years. i have no idea where he is and i'm sure he's not dead.

Answer 1

No.
It's not wrong at all.

However, please try to repair your relationship with your father- even if it means that you have to be the more adult person. You only get one father and your relationship with him affects your relationship with any other male for the rest of your life.

Answer 2

It is entirely up to you and what you think you can deal with. No one else can really tell you what is "right" or "wrong" for you. It may be too hard for you to "force" yourself to forgive him right now, so it might be a good idea then to not for a while. However, my 2 cents is that you at least try, but eventually. If you can't forgive him then at least you can say you tried.

Holding in all of that anger and other feelings about it could just make things harder for you. Sometimes it feels good to forgive someone, or at least to just let it go. But if you aren't ready to forgive- don't. That could just create more anger towards this tough situation that doesn't need anymore problems.

I understand what you are going through-- it is hard. Just don't let anyone make you feel like you should do something that you aren' ready to do. Good luck!

Answer 3

That has to be so painful...I am so sorry! Even though he has hurt you it might be less painful to give him the benefit of the doubt while you do not know his reason. Maybe he embarrassed about something or has some illness he does not want anyone to know about. If you hold bad feelings in it will only hurt you. Sometimes it helps to put something in a chair to represent him (a picture maybe) and tell him what you really think of what he did. Tell him how much it hurts you and what you think about him and what you wish. That way you can get it out. If you can, try to find some male you can look up to, to spend time with. Time does not heal everything but it does become easier. I wish the very best for you.

Answer 4

I'm 24 and haven't seen or heard from my father since I was 7 years old. I have absolutely no idea where he is or how he is and honestly don't really care. Why should I, he didn't care about me. I wouldn't say forgive him, but forget him. Don't let what he's done to you take control of your life

Answer 5

I find myself conflicted with this exact same problem. My father and I parted ways on a very sour note. We said the most hurtful things to each other and haven't spoken in almost 3 years. He didn't raise me or help my mother take care of me. He missed all the major events in my life. My first step, first word, first date, graduation, wedding, birth if my children etc. Still I forgave over and over. He disappointed me every time. Now he's reaching out again, he claims he wants a relationship with his grandkids but I can't bring myself to forgive him and put my kids at risk for his ridicule and promise-breaking. Did I mention he sometimes mistook me for his girlfriend, not his daughter? Anyway, my life has been peaceful and low-drama since I cut him out of my life. If your father can't contribute anything positive into your life, I say leave well enough alone.

Answer 6

Forgiveness is a given thing, so if you don't feel ready to give it, then no. You have to do what you feel is right, not what others would have you do in this situation. If down the road you find that you can let it go, do so. If not, just remember, he made a decision and it isn't your fault. If you want to allow your anger and hurt at him take up space in your head for another 15 years, let it, but try to charge rent. Holding your anger only hurts you, he isn't there to recieve it.

Answer 7

Considering we are no saints...no!
It's definately not wrong to not want to forgive him. Betrayal is a horrid thing, especially coming from people we really depend upon and love.
That said, I probably would -at some point- try to rectify things. I'd hate to wake up one day to learn he's dead and spend the rest of my life wondering "what if"...
But, in the end, it is your choice and yours alone. Just make sure that, whatever you do, you are happy with yourself.
Hope you figure it out:)

Answer 8

Not forgiving means that you want to hold on to a negative feeling that isn't really affecting him, but most of all you...unless he is begging you to forgive him...and you are enjoying letting him suffer a bit by ignoring him. At some point you have to stop being angry, because that anger will affect you in many ways. That doesn't mean that you think it was no big deal....it's a way of telling someone that hey...you weren't here...but I'm just fine...not because you raised me, but because I'm strong within myself...I don't really need you after all. I am not mad at you, but I am not very fond of you either. I don't trust you, because I don't have a relationship with you. But I forgive you for my own peace of mind.

Answer 9

Yes,and No in my opinion.I feel your anger and pain but you need to go on with life and I urge you asking your self a very hard question and if you still feel for him or you can live without him.It is the most painful stuff that you have to ask yourself over and over again,in my opinion I really want to see you move on your life with a positive note that you are love and your heart is Strong and you are willing to give your dad a chance in your life again.Do not accumulate negative thought and it will not make you better.Try to make peace with him and move on.I guarantee that you will do well whatever you are doing.Do not look back you are now at this point and no more painful past life and you are going to your positive future tomorrow.

Answer 10

Life is too short not to forgive. He may die in a car crash tomorrow and you will never have had the chance to tell him how you feel.

You don't have to forget that it happened, but I think you should remember that he is only human and that we all make mistakes. If you think he's a better person now and worth your forgiveness, I say go for it.

Answer 11

I would forgive him for being stupid and leaving a gift to him like yourself. He missed out on spending time with the wonderful person you are and to forgive him for his mistake will free you of the anger you may feel about that. The anger isn't good for you to hold on too and its the anger about him leave you you should let go of. Anger can make you ill and block your happiness. You dont have to forget he did that, you do have to forgive because it is critical to a future worth living. It will free you of the pain you were caused and the burden of carrying around the pain. It will remove the grudge you have from his leaving you and give you peace. Its not wrong to not to forgive but do you really want to carry around a grudge. I wouldn't. Grudges are heavy and too heavy to carry around. Its like having to take a suitcase with you packed full of stuff everywhere you go. Let it go. Its not saying you have to allow him back into your life, its just saying you are forgiving him for being ignorant and leaving you and causing you pain.