Broke up w/ GF said very nasty things now want her back?

Question

I need a plan of action...details people

OK so very interesting array of suggestions and comments.

The situation that resulted in me losing it on my GF stemmed from me hacking into her myspace account (I know, invasion of privacy another huge no-no). I found what I cam going to call pre-cheating messages. She was going to Vegas soon and was messaging this guy daily (almost half pages) planning to meet up with him. I was very disturbed by this as she was about to move in with me and she knew I planned on asking her to marry me. I also found other very flirtacious messages to random guys. I was infuriated and went off on her but am now wondering If i overracted to this "emotional cheating" she embarked upon on Myspace.

We are in negotioniations "text messaging like each other like mad w/ each others point"

Am I totally screwed, should I just forfeit or what

Answer 1

from me : sorry to say but your gonna have a hard time getting her back. something you might wanna try is explaining to her why you insulted her and what your feelings were at that time.

from my wife: sorry buck-o but you messed things up baad, telling her your feelings only sounds like an excuse. and even if you get her back, theres always gonna be a time where one of you remember what went wrong and exactly why. so if you refuse to let her go, remember what your getting yourself into.

from me: trust me, i've said pretty nasty things to my wife when we were dating, my plan works, but after this it wont ever again,'
good luck

Answer 2

People often say things out of anger that they later regret, which is why it's a good idea NOT to say things when your angry, if it's possible.

Regardless of how you feel now - your girlfriend is probably very hurt and words can linger on in someone's mind for a long time.

Right now, the decision whether or not to get back together is up to her, not you. Once she gets through the hurt emotions, maybe she will evaluate whether or not your worth it (to her) to get a second chance.

As for advice - I would at least apologize to her. Be a man about it and admit you were wrong. Don't ask to get back together at this point or even mention anything romantic. No flowers, letters, or any of the other suggestions given here... at least, not at this point. Just take responsibility for what you did and say your sorry.

Remember, you already broke up with her so she has to deal with that on top of the hurtful words you said to her. Don't make things more complicated.

The issue I have with flowers, poetry, romantic dinners, etc. for getting out of the doghouse is that lots of guys think that will fix everything. Sometimes this is the only time a girl will get anything special from her man and it shouldn't be just for those occasions.

Besides, if the girl just accepts it after something like this, then she's asking for this type of cycle to keep repeating itself. You need to fix the cause, not the effect, per se.

I wouldn't even ask for any type of forgiveness yet, just stick with what happened and how you feel now. Then give her some time to think about it.

If she initiates calling you or something else in a few days, consider yourself very lucky. If she doesn't, move on with your life but remember what you learned from this relationship.

No matter what happens however, keep your anger under control and perhaps seek out some professional help. There's nothing weak about that and it will help you in other parts of your life as well.

Find ways to deal with it and communicate better with people in your life, otherwise history often has a habit of repeating itself.

Answer 3

This isn't going to be easy..or painless.

If you've been going out for a good amount of time then you might want to send her flowers with a note saying that you're sorry for saying those things to her and that you didn't really mean any of them. Also have it say that you'd really like the chance to talk about it and to have her call you. If you don't like the flowers idea and you think she'll answer your calls, then go ahead and just call her when you're pretty sure she'll be home and have some time to talk.

When you get her on the phone tell her that these past few days without her have been terrible and they've given you time to think about things and that you've realized that you've made the biggest mistake of your life. Then you have to ask her to forgive you.

It's shitty because you've given her all the power in the relationship, so there's no telling what she might do with it. But grovelling is really your only option at this point, so get to it!

Answer 4

First of all, Everyone makes mistakes! Don't be too hard on yourself. Apologize!! Use flowers, jewelry, and chocolate. Maybe a card telling her how much you truely love her, and how bad you feel for the things you said. Make sure she realizes that you DID NOT -&- DO NOT mean whatever it is that you may have said! Also, never say those things to her again. If you do, she will just relive this incident. Just make sure she realizes you are sorry. Tell her you won't blame her if she doesn't forgive you, but you would do anything for a second chance. However, if she does not want to fix things, and won't forgive you... Don't get mad or frustrated with her. I'm sure whatever you said hurt. Just show her how much you love her, and if it's meant to be, she will eventually come around! Good Luck!! Ü

Answer 5

Stalk her. It's the only real way to get her attention. And don't forget to put a restraining order on her first. This way she looks like the bad guy to the police.

Now seriously. Go back once and say you're sorry. Pick the perfect time to do it, and that does not mean in 10 minutes. Hopefully you haven't called her 300 times since the break up either. That just shows you're desperate. If when you say you're sorry, she doesn't accept your apology...then it's time to accept the break up and move on.

Good luck...and remember the good times. You'll find new ones.

Answer 6

Why do you want her back... If you said nasty things about her maybe it's best for you to stay separated. But if you've really think you've had a change of heart-- first, tell her you are truely sorry. Make it sincere and not too long. Try buying her flowers. Women love flowers... make the flowers yellow. Tell her she's special etc. etc. all the things you feel about if.

*note: if you just want her back so someone will cook your food, put up with you, and give you sex dont even try to get her back... the poor woman needs a break.... and someone else.

Answer 7

Guess it depends on how nasty the words were, I know I lost probably the sweetest woman in the world because of my dumb mouth. Needless to say, now I don't know if this applies to you, but since then I've laid the old bottle down to rest. If it wasn't for vodka, I'd still have a girlfriend.

Start off with an apology. Take it from there. Say sorry then sleep on it. She'll let you know.

Answer 8

1) a letter (handwritten) telling her what an idiot you are and how much you miss her and how much you regret what you said and you would give the world to take it back etc followed immediately by
2) Flowers with handwritten card (even a poem if you're up for that)
3) A phone call (the next day)
4) Coffee (to talk) girls love to talk (the next day)
5) Lunch (a small gift - something cute)
6) Dinner (take more flowers)
No girl can resist such a concerted campaign.

Answer 9

It depends on what you said.Women have a long memory and so,depending on what you said will determine your chances.Take the initiative and tell her that you are seeking behavioral counseling.I recommend it for everyone.The first step to good communication is
knowing your feelings well enough to control your negative tendencies.Even well educated people can use the tools associated with behavioral therapy.Good luck.

Answer 10

If you said nasty things to her you shouldn't try to get her back. That suggests you don't respect her enough to have her has a girlfriend. If you really do want her back, the VERY first thing you should do is neutralize the nasty things you said with a long, thoughtful, heartfelt apology. You won't accomplish anything until you do that.