Could some-one give me a good joke i need the laugh?

Answer 1

Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts
Beer nuts a 1.78 and deer nuts are under a buck

Answer 2

So a mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'we don't serve your kind here." and the mushroom says, "why not? I'm a fungi"

so this guy went over to his buddies house and they both wanted to get drunk real bad but only had a dollar. One of the guys said 'I have an idea' and bought a hotdog. The second guy asked what the hotdog was for and he just said ' put this in your pants'. So they went to the first bar and got a few shots. The bartender asked them to pay and the first guy gets down on his knees and starts sucking the hotdog in the second guy's pants. So the bartender, disgusted, threw them out. They went to the second bar and ordered a few shots and when it was time to pay up, he proceeded to do the same thing, get on his knees and suck the hotdog, disgusting the bartender and getting thrown out. They did this for a while until they were pretty drunk and the first guy said "well i think I am done tonight, I am wasted" and the second guy said "good because i lost the hotdog after the second bar!!"

Answer 3

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married...The ceremony wasn't much, but the
reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
7. Patient: "Doc, I simply can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'"
Doctor: "That sounds like it might be 'Tom Jones' syndrome!"
Patient: "Is it common?"
Doctor: "Well, 'It's Not Unusual!"
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman... The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage pants at Wal-Mart the other day but damn! I just couldn't find
any.
12. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? ..............A fsh.
14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly
it sank, proving again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and
asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
17. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and i
s named "Amahl." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan
sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amahl. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."
18. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive
set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his
odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...
A super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.
19. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the
league records were destroyed in a fire. Thus, we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the
hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Answer 4

Yesterday I was having some work done at the car dealer.
A woman, came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. They all
looked at each other, and the Mechanic asked, "What is a
seven-hundred-ten?"
The woman replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine.
I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her
to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the
middle of it wrote 710.
He then took her over to another car which had the hood up, and asked,
"Is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."

Answer 5

Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A. So, when you pull their **** they won't **** on the floor.

Q: why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: from eating with forks.

Q. What do you find in a clean nose?
A. Fingerprints!

Little Johnny and his Dad are having a father/son talk one night, "So, have you had sex yet?"
"Not according to Bill Clinton!"

Answer 6

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out", and he leaves. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed; and
the couple is still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't
work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"St. Peter, red aced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the round. What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it would take me to find a LAWYER?"

A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in the store: Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee. The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously and the star-struck woman smiled demurely. Pull yourself together! she chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three children; you're forty-five years old, not a teenager! The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then when she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction. When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change - but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. But no ice cream cone was in sight. With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar warm, friendly grin and he said to the woman, "You put it in your purse."

Answer 7

first, mrdbrown1077, that was FUNNY.

but here is my little joke:

after a long day of work, a bussiness man goes to the bar to unwind. the man sits alone at the bar, orders a beer.
as he's sitting there drinking he hears, "niiice shirt."
the man looks to around, but can't figure out who said it. no one sitting on his left, no one sitting on his right.

so he keeps drinking. then he hears, "niiiice, tie."
puzzled, the man looks quickly again. looks all around, but sees no one. there's just a few people in the bar, but no one close. he figures that the stress of the day has got him hearing things. so he orders another beer to finish winding down.

he continues to drink, then hears, "niiiice haircut!"
the man can't take it anymore and jumps up. he yells for the bartender. he says to the bartender, "i keep hearing voices? don't you hear that?? someone keeps saying things to me!"

the bartender replies, "oh, that's the just the nuts....they're complimentary" :)

Answer 8

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 9

their was a guy from boston , he drove an austin, he had a little money for gas ,little room for his as* , stuck hiss ball* out the window and lost um

Answer 10

So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "why the long face"?