My 22 year old son still lives at home, doesn't work can't keep a job when he does, has started and quit college twice, is VERY quiet...yes no conversations. He doesn't seem to care if he has a job, or money, or good clothes or anything! He has never caused any major problems..a few tickets and 1 wreck...no biggie...he was ill last year went from size 42 waist to about a 30.(never complained once so I thought it was drugs!)...had major surgery for ruptured ulcer and is back to good health and owes major bills! Yes he smokes weed...but so did I years ago and I didn't act the way he is so I don't beleive that's it. Some people say kick him out....so he can do what? Live at his friends and smoke and drink 24/7? What's up with him!?
2006-08-15 17:29:05 · 20 answers · asked by Ray 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He's spoiled and he's a moocher. Why should he bother to grow up and be responsible when you are perfectly willing to take care of him like he's 5? What is his motivation? At least charge him rent, with the same repercussions for not paying as he would face if he had a regular landlord. Things like this become a cycle, and eventually you lose any forward momentum you ever had. He is NEVER going to decide on his own that he should get up and do something, you are going to have to require it of him so he then starts requiring it of himself.
2006-08-15 17:35:04 · answer #1 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has it way to easy. You might of smoked pot in the past and had no problem but that does not mean he doesn't have a problem with it. Pot makes a person lazy and not give a care in the world. You might want to suggest he gets help you said that you think his pot is not a problem but then again you said if he leaves the house he will do it 24/7. Then you must think he has a problem. If you want him to stay there make him get a job and pay some rent help him get a bank account so he can save up for an apartment. Do not allow any drugs in your home whatsoever. Tell him if he wants to stay in your home he needs to go to NA and get help. Save your son other wise it will just get worse.
2006-08-15 17:47:58 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should talk to him. I have 2 sons 27 and 21. The 27 yr old has spent his entire life acting as if everyone was put on this earth to take care of him, even though he now has a wife and 2 kids, he thinks that mom and step-dad and dad and step-mom, need to support he and his family. Wife is not like that though.
The 21 yr old still lives at home with me, but he works full time, and goes to school full time! He pays his own way! He is still living at home, because he is paying his way thru school and it is cheaper than a dorm.
Anyway, a few months ago 27 was diagnosed as bi-polar, put on meds and it has made a big difference!
Might be something you need to check into!
2006-08-15 17:48:18 · answer #3 · answered by suequek 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he has some MAJOR depression issues. Are you pushing him at all? Do you tell him that he needs to get a job, or go to college? Have you offered to take him to a psychiatrist or psychologist?
I am 20 and still live at home, but I go to college full time, I work ad I pay bills.
I do not think you should kick him out, because then he would do less than he is now, if that is even possible.
But you should force him to get help. Take him by the hand and force him.
2006-08-15 17:38:10 · answer #4 · answered by playdoh1986 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is taking advantage of you and the fact that you love him. Why should he work, go to college, or do anything productive with his life when you're always there to keep a roof over his head, food in his stomach, nurse him when he's ill, and basically spoil the crap outta him? I agree that you should kick him out. Maybe that will give him some incentive to actually get off his butt. And he won't be living with friends for long because, unlike you, they will not put up with his mooching for very long.
2006-08-15 17:50:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds depressed and also sounds like he lacks motivation. And weed doesn't help that, weed just makes you not care about the important things. It sounds like there are things going on in his life that has him either depressed an/or unmotivated. I was in a very serious car accident a year ago that I have serious debt as a result of and yet I've just lost the motivation to try anymore because things never work out for me. I'd tell you to just talk to him and try to figure out what's wrong, but I'm not sure that he'd open up to you. Just try to help him get back on his feet, and try to help him get happy and motivated again.
2006-08-15 17:35:51 · answer #6 · answered by Jenn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem lies in your mirror. Take a good hard look. "He smokes weed but I did too" Nonsense! You need to take charge. Size 42 waist? Ulcers? He has serious image and self esteem issues. Did you sit on your a** the whole time he was growing up?
2006-08-19 04:42:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I believe it is a little of all of the above... he is use to Mom and Dad taking the responsibility for him...And you probably never push the issue with him.... Make him make a choice... And stand by what you tell him...Tell him Your house rules.... Where does he get the money for weed? Where do his clothes come from? Believe me, he is using ol Mom and Dad..... And he know he can because you haven't set any ground rules.... Yeah kick him out, his buddies will only put up with it for so long...I bet all his buddies work and support them selves.... I'd demand him to get a job within a certain amount of time and to pay rent to you and if he fails to do so, tell him his lease has run out and he has 10 day to vacate the premises.... Let him know you are serious.... hard knocks help one learn how to live life....
2006-08-15 17:41:07 · answer #8 · answered by wva_butterfly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he is lazy. You are giving him a free life so why should he want to work? There is a thing called "tough love" and that is what u need to do to him. If he smokes and drinks 24/7 then he just does, you have raised him and now its time for him to have his own life. If he is going to smoke or drink he will do it regardless of where he lives.
2006-08-15 17:36:07 · answer #9 · answered by Hilllbilly_gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off he is not lazy,spoiled.And he probably is not fried.So that leaves slow,depressed or shy.
The best thing to do is provide him support,love,understanding and show that you care about him.DO NOT be negative to your son that will make things much worse.Have him see a doctor to get him on some medication for depression and get him counseling.And there might be a group home in your area that cares for mental handicap adults.
2006-08-15 18:03:45 · answer #10 · answered by tjanet23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋