What is the funniest thing you ever saw or heard in a church?

Answer 1

Have you heard of Church Bloppers
They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:


This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of Those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a Nursery downstairs.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Answer 2

1. When I fainted during whatever-that-service-is that made me a Methodist on Easter Sunday lol (I'm really a pagan)

2. When I told my Sunday school teacher that my dad couldn't make it to church cuz he was busy watching "Tarzan."

3. When I tripped with my baby brothers the night before Easter church service & on Sunday morning I saw Christ coming to life from the cross!

4. When I almost tripped over a Catholic nun at that church in Emmitsburg, Maryland where the first American saint got canonized.

5. When I wore a sweatjacket with the slogan, "Musicians Do It With (I forgot what)" but I had a one-night stand & wore it to a black pentacostal church in Martinsburg, West Virginia while everybody did the tambourine & gyrating thing.

Answer 3

I was at a wedding and during the vows the flower girl (who was about 6) was playing with her barbies. Well she ran up onto the alter behind the reading thing - where the bible is. She naturally because she was so young she disappeared behind it. All of a sudden Barbie and Ken pop up on the top and start bobbing around. It had to have been the funniest thing i have ever seen in church. I was trying so hard not to laugh that I ended up making a stupid snorting laugh. Oh man, it still brings tears to my eyes.

Answer 4

The priest sneezed and his toupee move down toward his eyebrows. Without missing a cue, he made an exclamation with his hand as if pointing to heaven, he said "blessed be the lord" and at the same time he adjusted his man wig back into place.

Answer 5

I was raised as a Catholic and didn't go to Church very often, but had to go at Easter and Christmas or risk the wrath of my Mother. I guess this one gentleman who was there one Christmas Eve must have had similar Mass attendance habits.

In the Catholic Church, before you enter the pew you genuflect and make the sign of the cross. This gentleman did a half-kneel by the pew and attempted to make the sign of the cross but didn't really know which way to move his hands and ended up bopping himself in the face! :D I couldn't help it! I nudged my sister and we laughed our asses off at the guy! Mean, yes, but very entertaining!

Answer 6

At the height of the transubstantiation ritual (This is my body, etc etc), my niece pointed to the priest and, with a booming voice that filled the church, said "Look! It's GOD!!"

The poor guy couldn't keep a straight face.

Answer 7

The funniest, thing, I saw in a church, was when my sister-in-law was getting married(*for the third time) and as they were kneeling, written on the bottoms of my future brother-in-law's shoes were the words: "HELP ME!"

Answer 8

I can't answer this one but I do have a religious joke.
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. 4 worms were placed into 4 separate jars. 1st worm was put into jar of alcohol. 2nd worm was put into jar of cigarette smoke. 3rd worm was put into a jar of chocolate syrup. 4th worm was placed into a jar of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the minister reported the following results:
1st worm in alcohol-dead, 2nd worm in cigarette smoke -dead, 3rd worm in chocolate syrup-dead, 4th worm in good clean soil-ALIVE...the minister asked the congregation what can you learn from the demonstration.. A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said," as long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolates, you won't have worms!"

Answer 9

My cousins grandfather died, and her son was asking her where his great granddad was now............She sat and told him how wonderful heaven was and how grandad was happy now. She described in detail the beauty and splinder and how grandad was healthy and happy.....ect........she went on and on..

Well they held the funeral at there church and when they walked through the doors , the son saw his grandad and all the people quietly weaping..........He turns to his mom and says......
IN A LOUD DISAPPOINTED VOICE.
This is heaven???????

Answer 10

I almost ran off the road one day because some goofy people had messed up a sign in front of a shirt and it said a** ship instead of worship.