How do you tell your children about death?

Question

My son's dad died when I was one month pregnant and my son is starting to ask questions. My son is almost six years old know and kinda knows about his dad. We visit the grave when ever my son say's he wants to see his daddy. I just don't think my son understands what going on. Does anyone have any ideas on how to talk to him?

I forgot to mention that they have the same name and I think my on might feel as though he's looking at his own grave. My son know's about animal's dying we have had animals his hole life and one recently died I believe a person is not the same an animal.

Answer 1

Hunni, my 11 day old son died last year of sids, I had to tell my 5 yr old daughter that her brother had gone to heaven. It is the hardest thing to have to explain to a child. though there is a really good book about grief and coping with it for children called "Sad isn't Bad" written by Michaelene Mundy....published by One Caring Press 1988.....I got this copy from my local bereavement centre. it helps explain death in pictures and very simple words for kids to comprehend. hope this helps sweetie....

Answer 2

Death is a hard subject for children. They can't grasp the grown up view of it. I guess the sad thing is but truth is that he never knew his dad so he won't long for his presence the way he would had he got to know him, does that make sense? Although that doesn't say that he doesn't need him, because he does.

One thing that I explained to my daughter when her uncle died was that, we live on borrowed time and that her uncle went to be with Jesus, I told her that Jesus needed him more than we did. If you are a Believer that this would help. I told her that he is the wisper in the wind, his imagineary friennd, that he is there but she just can't see him. I told my daughter that she can talk to her uncle when she wants to. I feel as though it gave her some solace. Maybe you can show your son, like have a conversation with his dad. Like, hey dad, I had a great day today, I know you probably saw, I made new friends or I made a homerun, wasn't that cool? Tell him that he won't answer but his spirit is in him. Sometimes this helps them to understand that he is gone but he still lives.

Just be frank with him but at his level where he understands, when you see that he doesn't understand, take it back a notch. The best thing you can do for your son is to love him unconditionally..

Good Luck and GOd Bless!

Answer 3

Actually, you are doing a good job so far by being honest with him. Some people say "Daddy's just not here" or "Daddy is in heaven now.." or things that can sometimes actually confuse a child. Six years old is a good age to talk about a few more serious matters. I would look for a good book on the matter..many bookstores have these geared towards children..and always be open and honest. Also, it may help to explain (in child's terms) the means of his father's death, so that he does not become worried that he is just going to die too. Help alleviate his fears in that way. Good luck, and bless you both..

Answer 4

i would hope you wouldn't tell your child something ridiculous like god wanted his daddy - how terrifying is that thought to a child? what if god suddenly wants you? or him?

don't go with the god stuff - don't fill his head with lies as you're trying to get him to understand life. when he asks questions, be honest, just don't say too many sentences, you want to wait and see if you're answering him. we often go for long explanations and kids aren't interested in that.

everything that lives, dies. i miss daddy very much. i wish he was with us. he would've been so proud of you. daddy did this and daddy liked that and daddy dreamed this and here's the funniest story about daddy and on and on and on.

Check out the Mexican Day of the Dead. They have it right.

I'm so sorry for your loss and this struggle your son was born to. Life's not fair, is it?

Answer 5

I don't know if you are religious or not, but, when people in my family die, they have completed their assignment from God and have gone to be with Him in heaven. I would show him pictures, and if possible, keep him in touch with his dad's parents. By now he probably notices that most other childrens fathers are not a rock. If possible, tell him how he died and be sure to explain to him how much his father loved him, even if he didn't know you were pregnant. You have to be a strong woman to be going through what you are going through and not loosing your mind. I hope this helps and I am sure you will get other ideas as well to add to this solution. May God be with you and your son.

Answer 6

People said buy him a goldfish. I have to agree. Our daughter gained some appreciation for the life cycle when she was about 4 when she saw a butterfly in its' death throes. It brought out a wonderful discussion on the cycle of life, and that nothing lives forever. It is best if you happen to see it occur in nature's domain, but a goldfish can still bring the same result.

Answer 7

"The wages of sin is death". yet God, who's immortal, will supply eternal existence to His redeemed. till that day death is an subconscious state for anybody in accordance to the bible. Eccl. 9:5" For the residing comprehend that they are going to die, however the ineffective do no longer comprehend something, neither have they have been given from now on a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten. " so there is not any purgatory. no person is going to heaven or to the puragtoy. whilst God comes he will choose people: heaven or death. yet now a ineffective does not experience or comprehend something, the ineffective is in a "profound sleep" resting till the Lord comes and he or she would be in a position to ressurect then, no longer now.

Answer 8

I told my girls that when their aunt died she went up in the sky to heaven to be with Jesus. That made them pretty happy. When they miss her I just tell them they can tell Jesus to tell her things when they pray. It seems to help them. I dont think young kids can comprehend what death really is and that they will never c them again. I just try to comfort them the best way I know how. My girls are 4 and 2 and it seems to work ok. I am sorry for your loss and I hope this all works out for you!

Answer 9

Watch the Lion King. Mufasa gives a great speach about the "circle of life."

Answer 10

Be honest... they'll appreciate it in the long run. Also - I fell small doses when they are younger are best. What you are doing is OK...

A goldfish or other small animal may be one way of showing how life and death are linked together.