my brother is in iraq and my family is falling apart....?

Question

my father left us a few yrs ago, and my brother is hanging out with a bad crowd. my other brother joined the marines and is currently fighting for the US. my mom is always worried sick and hardly leaves the house, and my sister is sleeping around. everything seems to be falling apart. i love my brothers, sister and mom. what can i do to help the family get back on its feet?

thank you to everyone who has answered for their kindness and valuable advice.

Answer 1

Sometimes when families are seperated things tend to fall apart. You seem level headed, so why don't you spear head things for your family? Like try to do something to help your mom, she is depressed because she feels as though her family is falling apart and she has no control over it.

You can help by bringing the family together, talk to your brother that is in the bad crowd, tell him that you are worried about him and that your mom is worried about him. Offer to hang out with him and do things with him. Sometimes kids do those activities because they want to belong, they need a sense of community.

Talk to your sister that is sleeping around, tell her that you worry about her and that you worry for her health and safety. Tell that AIDS is nondiscrimintory and that in order to earn respect from the opposite sex you have to refrain from being so loose. She may get upset but tell het that you love her and only want the best for her. Try to do things with her, like movies, go have pedicures, manicures, help your mom around the house, run errands together.

What you can do to bring a sense of family is to have family nights, cook meals for everyone and make a dessert, the more food the longer they stay. IF they won't come alone tell them that they can bring a friend and they have to help you clean up. Then rent the latest movie and get them to stay and watch it with you. Tell them that you need them, that mom needs them and that you all need to stick together. You can also think of other things to do to keep them around, like start a project in moms house like painting a room, tell them that you need their help. This way they hang out and help, then maybe make some cookies or browniees give them a sense of belonging and togetherness something that feels good.

I wish your brother luck who is in Iraq. I will pray that God will watch over your family! God Bless!

Answer 2

I do not believe that there is any simple answer to your question. However, I do have a few thoughts.

First and foremost, I hope you do not blame yourself at all for the circumstances your family is in. A person is only responsible for what is within their control, so when things get difficult and unpleasant one can take comfort in having done their best and their all.

Secondly, I would just recommend simply trying to be there for your family. When someone you care about is making a poor choice or getting into a bad situation, many times all you can do is express your disapproval and then let them know that you will love them regardless of what they decide. Sometimes you just have to watch someone run right into trouble and just hope for the best.

Thirdly, I am not a deeply religious person, I cannot claim to have an understanding of or with any god or God. Still, religion has helped many many people. Perhaps asking your family to go to a church with you might help. Many churches have prayer lists, they are just a list of families or individuals that are having problems of one sort or another. The church then prays for the people on the list in church and as individuals. Attending church at least gives people a place to go and caring individuals to interact with, and at most, if the religion is right, then the church offers much more.

I haven't answered one of these before, but your question struck a chord in me and I felt compelled to offer what I can. I am not sure that it does any good, but I will pray for you and your family and I sincerely hope that things turn out alright.

Answer 3

I can imagine how worried your mother must be with a son in Iraq. She's probably got some rough idea that your sister is going a little wild, and she probably knows your brother is hanging out with the wrong people - so imagine how worried she must be. Maybe she's even in need of some outside professional help to help her sort it all out and maybe help her find ways to work around her worries.

There probably isn't much you can do about your brother's behavior or sister's behavior right now. You can try talking to them. You could try asking them to tone it down a little in view of how worried your mother already is. You can't make them do anything they won't do, though,

I think you need to keep in mind that when people love each other in a family it can sometimes look like things have fall apart, and then, somehow, with time and with maybe improvements in the situation you'll notice how the family has kind of pulled back together a little. Later, it seems even more back together. Nobody can guarantee that this will happen, but it does happen in strong families.

Up to a point you can try to remain close with your mother, but then there's a point where you can't take on all her issues with her. They are her issues. They are your brother's issues. They are your sister's issues. They aren't yours. One thing that can help is when you are with any of them don't get into arguments over who's doing what. (I know I said try to talk to them, but I meant in a casual and calm conversation and with respect. And after you try that once, don't keep it up.)

Anyway, when you're together try to talk about the nicer things in life, try to find things that make you laugh, and try to have time together that you enjoy. This one may be easier to convince your siblings about than about the issue of their behavior. The more time you have that is enjoyable together, the more that feeling of being a family should return a little. It does for a family what plant food does for a plant.

Maybe, too, you and your mother could go together for some counseling/support just because its rough on both of you right now, together and individually. Remember, too, that when kids aren't little any more they start to get a little crazy-acting sometimes, and its just something teens and early-twenties may do. Maybe the fact that your siblings are no longer little kids has as much of an impact on your feeling the family is falling apart as your brother's being away or any of the other stuff has.

When people are stressed out they get "stress chemicals" going in their minds/bodies that make things seem scarier and worse than they really may be. Part of your feelings could be coming from that as well.

When children grow up, no matter what's going on in a family, there's always a little sense of sadness that everything has changed and everyone is going there own way and separating. That's part of adjusting to being a bunch of young adults as opposed to being a bunch of children. If you take care of your own future, stay close to your mother, do what you know is right, and be proud of your brother who is in Iraq that's all you can do; but it will help you feel that at least you, your mother and the brother in Iraq are still together. The others will probably "return to the fold" when they mature a little.

Do things that make you feel proud about yourself and your character and strength. Be proud of the mother who has been there for you as a single mom and as the mother who raised a son who is fighting for our country. Be proud of your brother who is over there. Try not to let the other two folks that are acting up right now poke holes in all the good things your family is/has together.

That's all you can do. (Many, many people pray for the soldiers in Iraq; so be comforted by that thought too.)

Answer 4

Try to visit a Family Therapist a counselour or your chapman. if those are not options for you try to talk to your family about your feelings and fears. show your sister a health dictionary andd picktures of deceases like syphilis and herpies. as far as your brother i can not help you with him for i dont know what kind of bad crowd it is he is hanging out with. Iraq is bad i know my husband is there as we speek but try to get your mom to pay attention to whats going on around her. Its ok to be worried but it should not get her down to a point she doesnt realize whats going on at home. He is gonna come back if he is supposed to come back. All you can do is hope for the best and prepare for the worsed. Its not fair but thats the only option your family has with your brother in Iraq. Ill keep you in my thoughts. head up and try not to give up.

Answer 5

It's not your job to keep tabs on everyone in the family. Your responsibility is to yourself. Don't apply for martyrdom, it just doesn't pay well. Don't sacrifice your happiness or yourself or your life for others who are much more comfortable wallowing in their own drama/misery. Everyone's trying to cope the only way they know how. I would suggest focusing on yourself and going to school and studying hard, get good grades, get a diploma and scholarship and get away as soon as you are old enough to do so. Everyone is an individual and you can only control your own actions. I know life's not great right now but things will get better for you. Good luck on your life.

Answer 6

First of all, Thank you to your brother for his service to the USA and to us. I am amazed at the group that has chimed in onn this question. All of them are great answers. There is great caring and compassion for you and your family. There is nothing I can really add but to say that you and your family have my prayers.

Answer 7

my brother is leaving for iraq in oct. and he just got back from NK and hes leaving behind a wife a son and me his sister, all i can say is have faith and just try to work with your family dont be to bossy but just kind of tell them what you think and maybe they will listen

Answer 8

well i know myself that even though there is a war there, it can still be hell on the homefront. all i can say is watch out for yourself, cause it seems as if everyone is too occupied getting into trouble or worrying about someone else to worry about you. keep praying and watch our for yourself. GOD BLESS AMERICA, and you girl!!!

Answer 9

Stay strong yourself and you'll be a strong support for your brother when he comes back from Iraq. Please thank your brother for doing what he's doing!!!! Take care.

Answer 10

i think u should get ur family 2 gether and tell them how u feel. tell ur brother and sister that wat there doin is hurtin u. help ur mom . take her out 2 a nice dinner.make her feel better. im sorry 4 wat ur goin thru.