Could you correct my e-mail for me?

Question

Hi. I am learning English. I worte a letter to my friend but I am not sure if there are errors. So, could you correct it for me, if you have time...

Hey Kim. Thank you for responding my email. It looks like you are doing well, even though you had to repeat the course this summer session. Yes. we need to plunge ourselves into the Lord. But.. I feel incredibly ashamed of myself for not doing so. To be honest, I rarely didn't go to church since I came back to Korea. Many things didn't happen, though a few big things did around me. The more I am disappointed with people and myself, the more I find myself going far away from God. For now, it is not important for me to call on the Lord,but I look for him when I need a help. Shame on me. ^ ^;;;;;

I want to thank you. I felt my heart becomes warm when I read your letter. I mean it.

I gotta go... Today I am gonna go to a shopping mall near my house. My shoes is in rags and tatters. I really need to replace it.

Bo

Answer 1

Hey Kim,
Thank you for responding my email. It looks like you are doing well, even though you had to repeat the course this summer session. Yes, we do need to plunge ourselves into the Lord. But.. I feel incredibly ashamed of myself for not doing so. To be honest, I rarely attend church since I have returned to Korea.

The more I am disappointed by people and myself, the more I find myself turning away from God. For now, it is not important for me to call on the Lord,but I look for him when I need a help. Shame on me. ^ ^;;;;;

I want to thank you. I felt my heart warming when I read your letter. I mean it.

I gotta go... Today I am gonna go to a shopping mall near my house. I need to buy more shoes.
Sincerely,

Bo


--This is myown side note, you will be dissapointed by people in your life no matter who they are, because they are human and humans make mistakes, but God will NEVER disapoint you. He is so all mighty, loving, caring and Perfect. Instead of turning away from Him, turn to Him. He does not make mistakes

Answer 2

I think the other person would understand it with no problem. Minor issues, so here goes:

Hey Kim. Thank you for responding to my email. It looks like you are doing well, even though you had to repeat that course this summer session. Yes. we need to plunge ourselves into the Lord. But.. I feel incredibly ashamed of myself for not doing so. To be honest, I rarely have gone to church since I returned to Korea. Many things didn't happen; though a few big things did around me. The more I am disappointed with people and myself, the more I find myself going farther away from God. For now, it is not important for me to call on the Lord,but I look for him when I need a help. Shame on me. ^ ^;;;;;

I want to thank you. I felt my heart become warm when I read your letter. I mean it.

I gotta go... Today I am gonna go to a shopping mall near my house. My shoes are in rags and tatters. I really need to replace them.

Bo

Answer 3

I copied and pasted and made changes below. For the most part, it was fine. There was one sentence that I didn't understand so I wasn't sure how to correct it.

Great job! I hope you find peace.

Hey Kim. Thank you for responding to my email. It looks like you are doing well, even though you had to repeat the course this summer session. Yes, we need to plunge ourselves into the Lord, and I feel incredibly ashamed of myself for not doing so. To be honest, I rarely go to church since I came back to Korea. Many things didn't happen, though a few big things did around me. (Not sure what you mean by this sentence.) The more I am disappointed with people and myself, the more I find myself going far away from God. For now, it is not important for me to call on the Lord, but I look for him when I need help. Shame on me. ^ ^;;;;;

I want to thank you. I felt my heart warm when I read your letter. I mean it.

I gotta go... Today I am gonna go to a shopping mall near my house. My shoes are in rags and tatters. I really need to replace them.

Bo

Answer 4

Just use the version below...
Good luck and have fun!


Hey Kim. Thank you for responding to my email. It looks like you are doing well, even though you had to repeat the course this summer session. Yes, we need to plunge ourselves into the Lord. But... I feel incredibly ashamed of myself for not doing so. To be honest, I rarely go to church since I came back to Korea. Many things didn't happen, though a few big things did happen for me. The more I am disappointed with people and myself, the more I find myself going further away from God. For now, it is not important for me to call on the Lord, but I look to Him when I need a help. Shame on me. ^ ^;;;;;

I want to thank you. I felt my heart becoming warm when I read your letter. I mean it.

I gotta go... Today I am gonna go to a shopping mall near my house. My shoes are in rags and tatters. I really need to replace them.

Bo

Answer 5

Hey, Kim. Thank you for responding to my email. It looks like you are doing well, even though you had to repeat the course in the summer session. Yes, we need to plunge ourselves into the Lord. But, I feel incredibly ashamed of myself for not doing so. To be honest, I rarely go to church since I came back to Korea. Many things didn't happen, though. A few big things happened around me. I am disappointed with people and myself and find myself drifting further from God. For now, it is not important fo me to call on the Lord. I look to him when I need help. Shame on me!
I want to thank you. Your letter warmed my heart when I read it. I mean that.
I gotta go...today I am gonna go to a shopping mall near my house. My shoes are in rags and tatters. I really need to replace them.

then, try to sign off...something to end the letter
actually, it wasn't that bad!

Answer 6

Hey Kim. Thank you for responding my email. It looks like you are doing well, even though you had to repeat the course this summer session. Yes. we need to plunge ourselves into the Lord. But.. I feel incredibly ashamed of myself for not doing so. To be honest, I don't really go to church since I came back to Korea. Not many things happened, but a few big things did. The more I am disappointed with people and myself, the more I find myself going far away from God. For now, it is not important for me to call on the Lord, but I look for him when I need a help. Shame on me. :(

I want to thank you. My heart becomes warm when I read your letter. I mean that.

I gotta go... Today I am gonna go to a shopping mall near my house. My shoes are getting worn. I really need to replace them.

Answer 7

Your writing is fine. Kim won't want to hear from an English teacher. Instead she'll want to hear from you. For that reason first and foremost, don't worry so much about correctness. As long as your message gets across, you're good.

Answer 8

'since I came back to Korea' should be 'since coming back to Korea.

'when I need a help' should be 'when I need help'
'I felt my heart becomes warm' should be 'I felt my heart warming'

Answer 9

just change "rarely didn't go to church" to "rarely went to church" no double negative in English.

shoes ARE in rags. (plural) replace THEM