Is my boyfriend Bi-polar? His behavior of late makes me think he is.?

Question

My Bf of 7 mos, he's 54+ the sweetest person one could imagine, has literally decided within a 24 hr period that he no longer loves me, wants anything to do with me and terminated our relationship.That was a week ago. We have had the same scenario 3 months ago, but managed to reconcile after a few days, when he came back+ admitted that he came out of his shut-down+realized he'd made a terrible mistake. Right now he pretends I don't exist anymore. The break ups follow after a few days in which he is consumed by worry that our "issues" won't ever be resolved+,so he says, since he can clearly see that, there's no need to go on. The break ups are not because we have been fighting,a few days before it happens, all is great, we never fight.Looking back on the 7 mos we've been 2gether I'm now noticing other erratic behavior, his over the top declarations of love, for one.I've spent hrs online learning about symptoms of bipolar,because his xtreme emotions suggest he has it. Does he?

Other erratic behavior is the jewelry he gave me, thousands of $$ worth, literally in the first 2 months of us being together, exclaiming I am his soulmate after we dated for 3 weeks, his need to hold hands ALL the time, and his almost euphoric exclamations to the entire world on how wonderful I am etcpp. Then from one day to the next he gets very quiet, turns to his inside and worries constantly to excess about our "issues". He doesn't like/hates dogs, for ex, and I have one.He's known about the dog before we started the relationship but the "issue" didn't come up until 4 months into it.The issue would be how we will do this once we live together.Last week he confronted me with how he all the sudden has decided to live his life from now on and no animals is where he's at. I almost feel like it's Dr.Jekyl+Mr.Hyde. It looks like him, the voice sounds like him, it moves like him and the man I know is not in there.

I forgot to add that he seems to be very depressed when the break up occured last week as well as 2-3 months ago. He sleeps only a few hours a night, doesn't eat, he says he's running on adrenaline, his job his nerve frazzling. He looked horrible, sunk in eyes and all.

Answer 1

I've been bipolar for 15 years and while I'm not about to say whether or not your boyfriend is one, I have doubts that this is truly bipolar behavior. He keeps coming back to one issue: to continue the relationship or not. My moodswings and other bipolars I've known don't have a real "theme" when we go off--it's literally anything and everything. Sounds more like he has a problem of relationships and needs counseling in that area. But even if he is bipolar--which isn't all that common--do you honestly feel that you love this man with so much of your heart that you are willing to invest all your energy, time, and own health in order for him to go get professional help, be on prescription medications, go to therapy AND have a strong relationship? It's not for the weak-hearted to put up with a bipolar person. I speak from being ill with it that he would really, really feel he needs help and be willing to do everything it takes to make it work. Good luck.

Answer 2

I dated a man who claimed he was bi-polar. I consumed myself with learning more about the disorder and convinced myself that I could help him, that I could understand him, that I would see him through this...that he needed me. Well, I was wrong. Yes, he had issues. Was he actually bi-polar? I don't know. He had commitment issues, and having this disorder neatly excused him from making any commitment to me, and excused him from any accountability in the relationship. I finally woke up and realized that I also had issues if I continued to be in a relationship with this man. He was not a boyfriend, he was a case load. I was his amateur counselor. I was in love with the idea of him...not the real him. He used me up emotionally, and I was empty. I deserve better than that...and so do you. Wish him well and move on. You will hurt for a little while, but you are only missing what you wished it could be...not what it really was. He did you a favor. Move on. You will be just fine.

Answer 3

Of course we want to be careful about throwing around medical terms. What you describe does not really scream bipolor to me, though I can assume that there were more signs than this. Bipolor is severe highs and lows...and most folks have had at least one or two hosptial stays during the course of life. Also if he was cycling at three month intervials this would be a big issue and all areas of his life would be suffering...

At 54 years old this may be a hard one to approach with him...assuming he comes back around. But after a few of these cycles showing up, I think I would encourge you to talk directly about the actual behavior with him and see if he is willing to explore it a bit.

Best of luck as it sounds personally hard as well!!!!

Answer 4

I cannot say for sure, but it is a good possibility. I know someone very close to me that exhibits VERY similar symptoms to the loved ones in his life. He goes from one extreme to the next and it is very hard for the people involved. He was diagnosed with bipolar tendencies this past year and it started to make sense to explain this erratic behavior. I wish you luck..I know it must be tough to deal with since you are so close to him. If you think you can stick in for the long haul, then encourage him to get some mental help. You do deserve to know what is really going on.

Answer 5

Sounds like he certainly has some issue but I wouldn't pick bipolar off the top of my head.

Lately they advertise that illness constantly. It is in magazines, tv and in lunch/dinner discussions. Generally, only 3% of the population has some sort of this disorder.

He does sound compulsive, he sounds neurotic...and he sounds like he has security issues or love issues. I don't know if he sounds like such a swell boyfriend technically.

However, you can't really diagnose him off what you describe. Look for large amounts of debt, look for him thinking he is someone famous or never sleeping...or raging anger issues.

He is strange though...maybe you should let him go. Bipolar or not, he is emotionally unbalanced at times.

Answer 6

his behavior sounds just like my ex-wife's and she was bi-polar. This doesn't mean it is so, but it seemed like there was a cycle to it every couple of months. It always came out of nowhere too, one time we had just come home from a vacation where we probably had the most intimate time in our relationship. Another time was with in an hour after gushing to family members how much in love she was with me and how we were trying to start a family. It is a hard rollercoaster to ride.........

Answer 7

maybe... or he does this so he can go be with another woman.. and then afterwards he comes back to you...
if he is bi-polar there should be a definite pattern to his behaviors... if hes cheating, there might be some similarities but he wont exhibit all the symtopms of bi-polar disorder...
what other behaviors does he exhibit? make sure you really investigate him before you come to a conclusion... if he is bi-polar then you need to get him to see a doctor...
being that he is 54 yrs old i cant help but imagine that if he was bi-polar he would have been diagnosed by now...

Answer 8

i'm bipolar and believe me you in no way will I swear its the main risky situation cus its like i'm consistently plotting my destiny flow and my strikes consistently exchange as i flow alongside in different words nothings ever specific exceedingly woman associates I swear I surely have "fallen in love" a million cases for a pair of day i'm an adrenaline junkie and that i'm specific he's basically too if your no longer a thrill he will seem for some thing it is sorry to break your emotions if I did its basically my own adventure i could be completley incorrect ;D

Answer 9

It's possible. But one thing is for sure, you need to forget this man. Do you really want to be going through this every few months? Let him go, don't be desperate and hang on, you will only break your heart if you do so. My bestfriend (guy) is married to a bipolar woman and he is in a living hell.

Answer 10

I've heard of such actions with Borderline personality. Tend to have extreme infatuations & insecurities followed by breakups and getting back together.

Other things to look out for:
* get angry one minute, ok or sobbing the next
* aggitate family members or random people in community
* inability to handle mild amounts of stress
* inability to concentrate

http://www.mhsanctuary.com/borderline/criteria.htm