Should I say something to my boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend's mom pretty much rules his life. He wants a new car, but she wants him to get a new truck so he is. He wants to move in with me, but his mom said it would be financially stupid, so now he's not moving in with me. He wants to quit one of his three jobs because he hates it but his mom says no because she wants to buy a new tv and she wants his discount that he gets at his work. He's 21 years old, I want him to run his own life. Should I say something or just keep quiet? I love him so much and I don't want to screw things up between us.

Answer 1

Let him be. He is a good man. 21 wit 3 jobs. you let him be.

Answer 2

tough spot 4 U. I don't know your age or experience & how long U 2 R 2gether.

U will have 2 B very aware of how U go about any "changes" U want to make.

Subtle influence & giving him strength 2 grow his own "backbone" will only happen in time. DO NOT expect major change in his OR his mom's behavior quickly - that's why being subtle is required.

Does he have siblings that R / have similiar influence from mom? Look @ those situations & factor into UR situation.

Maybe, over time, start prompting him w/ questions. i.e. the pros & cons of a truck vs a car - not from moms reasons, from his reasons.

The TV thing tough one, cause it's strickly 4 her benefit-the discount.

The move into together - VERY serious & huge step & commitment in anyone's life. Plus mom already knows this is the nxt step of her admitting her boy is "growing" up & becoming his own man.

That one issue may be much harder 4 her 2 deal w/ & he may not even realize this milestone for a few more years.

Be very careful - Be VERY patient, especially w/ mom - Be sure 4 both him & yourself that U 2 are taking ALL of the factors of life into consideration when committing to living 2gether.

Patience & understanding will help you grow 2 B a stronger person & mom will maybe start to C U in a more favorable light & not a thorn in her side.

Rock & Roll w/ the "punches" that life puts before you.

Answer 3

I wouldn't get involved if I were you. If you want to make the relationship work I would let him decide on his own that it is the right choice to move in with you. If he is still a mommas boy at twenty one that is a good and a bad thing it means he will probably have respect for you if you are married one day but bad because his mother will probably still be calling the shots. I still say not to get involved just yet. Eventually he will get burnt out and quit the third job on his own as soon as mommy dearest gets her big screen. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

From the sounds of things you won't screw things up, his mom will. Eventually there will come a time in the relationship where he will have to choose between you & her. She needs to pop the nipple out of his mouth and let her little boy be a man. He's 21 years old....Just try not to make him feel like you just don't like his mom. If you decide to say something at this time be cautious about how you say what you say. Even if you don't deal with it now sooner or later it will be a ugly situation..

Answer 5

If he is 21 years old and can afford to move out of his mother's house, and WANTS to move out...he certainly should do that! It sounds to me like his mother wants him there for what she can get from him. A mother like that will rule him as long as she can. Moving out would be financially stupid for who? Her, I would guess. He's working 3 jobs. It's HIS turn to be an adult now. I'm sure he doesn't want to hurt her feelings, but if she wants a T.V. she can buy one now, and then he can quit that job.

I have a grown son, and I would never put him in that position. I bawled for 2 weeks after he moved out, but he is an adult and it's RIGHT for him to start living his adult life. It's just selfish of her to try to hold on to him like that. If I were you, I'd talk with him, but choose your words carefully. Guys can be VERY touchy about their mothers, and you don't want to put him on the defensive right off the bat. Practice what you're going to say, and imagine what his reaction will be. When you come up with words that get your point across, that he can't misconstrue as nagging or being controlling, have that talk with him!

Answer 6

Just set down and talk to him and tell him that you love him more than anything and you want to be with him forever and tell him that yall need to talk about him and his mom and that you think she rules his life to much that you love his mom but you think he needs to be able to speak and do for his self now he is an adult now not a kid anymore and if he really loves you he want get mad at you..........I know how they can be, there's never going to be anyone good enough for there son like they can it can be very aggravating

Answer 7

The transition from child to adult is hard on both the child and the parent. Unless she is a tyrant he will outgrow letting her tell him what to do and she will adjust. Ever hear the saying "don't kill the messenger" I'd keep quiet if I were you. No chance of being the bad guy and he'll figure it out on his own and his Mom can be the "bad" guy.

Answer 8

You should talk to him.. But, most moms know best. She needs to lay away the Tv. Kid needs some life too.. Maybe his mom, knows more then he is telling you.. Has he always held a job? It took my son's a few years. Good luck. Do you have a Job, to help?

Answer 9

You are dating a classic "Momma's Boy." Some of these guys eventually grow a backbone and tell Ma to back off; others never do, and at 40-years-old still wear whatever underwear ol' Ma tells them to. I wouldn't marry him until you get him to set boundaries with Ma. If you don't, you'll come to regret getting serious with a guy who always has you as a distant No. 2 woman in his life.

Answer 10

Plan out what you're going to say, make it short ant to the point. He's not going to take constant criticism of his mother.

Make sure he fully understands your point, and then don't bring it up for a LONG time. . .like six months or so. Don't make him think you're against her.

Then if and when you do bring it up, you've given him a chance to change his situation, and you can talk about how (or if) things have changed.

Such reverse-training does not happen overnight.

Answer 11

you definietly need to talk to him.. before he ruins his life. and im dead serious ...he can serious ruin his life if his mother has that much of a hold on him.. let me tell you.. my aunt is in her late 40s.. shes not married, shes all alone and miserable and has given up the hope of ever getting married.. now she lives in a huge mansion with her mother completely sad and bitter... and why isnt she married.. because every decision was made by the mother.. that is just example one... my uncle is nearing his 40s and hes not married...but he was engaged... his mom wanted him to stay in new jersey.. but he wanted to move to nyc.. and so did his fiancee.. but he listened to the mom and brought a house on the exact block as his mothers.... every single detail that went into the house.. the furniture.. the wallpaper.. etc was decided by my grandma.. my uncles fiancee couldnt plan her wedding because of the mom.. she planned everything.. than she started pressuring my uncles fiancee to get pregnant which was something they werent ready for.... well as you know it.. my uncles fiancee left him. because he let her mother run her life... so now hes all alone as well as my aunt.. so i suggest u talk to your bf and tell him its time to grow up and make his own choices even if hes mother doesnt like it.. cause if his mom loves him.. he would want hiim to be happy. good luck