my family always makes me angry. my sister calls me gothic, and just because i dress different and listen to different music than the rest of my family, they say stuff like 'stop dressing like a punk rocker slut' and my aunt says 'you better not be turning gothic' and crap like that... how can i make them stop? im not going to change myself just because they are jocks and im not into that kind of crap... i just want them to stop telling me what to do... so any1 kno i way i can do this gently? they're driving me insane!!!
2006-08-15 14:59:42 · 23 answers · asked by play-doh 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
just relax. tell them you'll change when they do. and don't explain it to them. say just that. let them ponder the meaning of that. maybe they need to do some self examination. i hang out in the goth scene too sometimes. they may not like it but oh well. their the ones being narrow minded. they know nothing about it accept what they think they know from telivision. sad but true. wonder what they think of bikers (and yes, i hang in biker bars too!!! gay bars, bondage bars, all sorts of places lol) the old cliche way of thinking. hang in there baby. you'll be fine.
2006-08-15 15:12:04 · answer #1 · answered by vanessa w 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah... I kinda know what you mean- but being the older sibling, I have some sway over my sister, so to her my freaky colored hair is cool, and while I doubt she likes my music, she's never outright insulted it. My parents, on the other hand, think its kinda weird- luckily for me, they mostly stick to teasing me about it.
If that's how it is for you- if they're just teasing you- feed 'em some crap like "it hurts my feeeeeeeelings". They'll feel bad and lay off for a while. Or just tell them you don't like it- there'll probably be a similar effect.
If it's more serious than that- for instance, they might be associating the punk and goth subcultures with things like drugs- I would just explain to them that it's just your way of expressing who you are, and you aren't about to become a crack addict because of it- although, I'd phrase it slightly differently. Then I'd just tell them, in the gentlest way possible- or straight out, your choice- to mind their own business and stop being so criticizing just because you're a little different than they are.
If all else fails, and you seriously need them to stop, just somehow get the point across that their behavior lacks tolerance in a similar way to racism. People don't like to be called racist, or even just intolerant. It might stop them in their tracks.
2006-08-17 12:56:49 · answer #2 · answered by StercusAccidit 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them, "Hey, I'm going through a stage where I dress in a way that you call goth. It's my way of being who I am as a teenager. Who knows, maybe someday I'll be a successful something or other in a suit, or maybe I'll always dress this way. But for now, either way, this is what I want to do. So Auntie, what did you do to rebel when you were a teen?"
2006-08-15 15:06:11 · answer #3 · answered by PDY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will tell you what I always told my children: Just ignore people who try to turn them into something they don't want to be.
Smile, tell them thank you for their concern and go about your business, as long as you are not doing anything illegal, immoral, or hurting anyone be yourself and if dressing differently or wearing your hair differently then others is the worst thing you are doing, they should be grateful
Good luck and stand strong.
2006-08-15 15:06:56 · answer #4 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is key, ESPECIALLY with family. You need to ask to speak with your family members seriously and privately, and let them know how much it hurts when they say those things to you and about you. Tell them you're not dressing to be "gothic" and that you dress that way because it is your choice to. Ask them to not make fun, and tell them that you are who you are and don't want to change yourself, and ask them for understanding. Just being open and honest with them - hopefully your family is open-minded enough to realize that you need their support and love, not criticism.
Good luck.
2006-08-15 15:04:47 · answer #5 · answered by plcarnrike 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what your reaction has been, but sometimes ignoring them like nothing is bothering you is truly the key. When they make comments like that, just simply and politely say that you would prefer they keep their opinions about your and your dress to themselves. And good for you to not change who you are :-D good luck with your family!
2006-08-15 15:06:14 · answer #6 · answered by j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone who looks or talk or acts different, people thinks there is something wrong with them. and there isn't. don't ever change to make someone happy. just tell them this is who i am. love me for who i am on the inside not the outside. let them see how happy you are being who you are. best of luck.
2006-08-15 15:11:13 · answer #7 · answered by deener1977 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to them, they are right. Why does it matter anyway? I allow them to say I want your hair shorter than your eyes or shave right now, and if they command it I must obey. It is God's law. If you don't like it, put up with it untill you move out.
2006-08-15 15:06:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are who you are so tell them to deal with it or leave if you are old enough, otherwise suck it up till your older. The more you tell them to stop the more they will nag you! Laugh with them. But I know it must make you feel bad. Don't change for them, they are not worth it!!!
2006-08-15 15:06:44 · answer #9 · answered by sweethometexas2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family is family and they will judge you the most. They only want the best for you and think by giving you labels you will wake up and want to be better.. it sucks but thats family and ya only got one so suck it up and deal :)
2006-08-15 15:05:25 · answer #10 · answered by katyk08 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋