I think my sister is a bad mother, but tell me if I'm being to judge mental?

Question

shes going to be 35 yrs old shes married, already has a 9 yr old girl and a 7 yr old girl, she just had a baby boy 2 months ago.
Every since she had kids she always screams and yells at them , curses. Calls them names , sometimes hit them on there head, so does there father. But im not saying thats all they do to them, they are nice to them on and off.
Since shes had her baby whenever he cries she complains " i cant keep picking you up you need to learn"
this is what shes telling a 2 month old baby
Im 19 , but i know better not to talk like that to kids.
I live with my sister ,, after my mom died when i was 8
But it just makes me cry everytime there mean to the girls. And then when my sister is home with the baby shes keeps complaining about him (stuff that all newborns do)
Am i overreacting?
I just think her patients stinks and she should be a mother again if she couldnt even handle the 2 girls she already has

Edna your crazy

And i cant talk to her about this she already is crazy, if anyone tries telling her anything against her she will flip and kick you out of the house

Answer 1

Okay, if you are living with her you could help out somewhere. You could offer to hold the baby when he is crying or you offer to take the girls out for awhile to a park or something. This might relieve her pressure somewhat. While I do not curse my children, I do know that when they are tired and not listening to me and becoming very demanding I will tell them I not triplets or have multiple hands, please have some patience I cannot take care of you right this minute, but I will help you when I get there. I will take them to YMCA so that I can have about 2 hours off while I exercise. Maybe she is stressed if she hasn't had any time off. This happens to the best of us. We need time for ourselves and when we cannot do something we truly enjoy, we feel that we are not cared for or loved. If you offer to help her you will find that taking care of three children is very hard work and when you cannot do things for yourself then you become very stressed.

Answer 2

You know, I think your sister sounds like she's feeling a little overwhelmed by parenthood, especially for her comments to a two month old baby that she "can't keep picking him up".

My suggestion? I would just innocently ask you sister a question about how she likes being a parent the next time you and your sister are having a nice, light conversion. You have to be careful, because of your living situation with your sister. There could be all kinds of stresses that is causing your sister to be yelling and screaming. The size of their home or apartment could be giving your sister cabin fever. Maybe there are financial problems. Maybe your sister feels she doesn't get enough help with taking care of the children. Maybe she feels unappreciated by her husband. It could be a million things.

I understand you may want to speak with your sister about her behavior towards her children. But, you have to be careful with how you approach it. If she can't take criticism or suggestions very well, you don't want your housing situation jeopardized. Put yourself in your sister's place - she has three small children, one an INFANT, a husband and you. I'm sure she loves all of you, but those are some pretty big plates to keep spinning at the same time.

I hope you find some answers. If you can, now would be a good time to start thinking about getting your own place.

Answer 3

I think it sounds like your sister really needs to get a sitter and get a break from the children. I'm not saying that what she is doing is right, b/c it is FAR from being right. What your sister and her hubby are doing is very wrong and no child should be going through that. That said, I'm the mother of 3 children. I stay home with them, and I know that at times I don't have as much patience as I should have. Although, I don't ever take it to the extremes that you are talking about. Maybe you could offer to watch the kids sometime so your sis and her hubby can have a little time alone? I don't really know what else you can do without upsetting your sister. I hope things get better and she can see what she is putting her children though.

Good luck!

Answer 4

She is probably doing the best that she can. However, if she is hitting the kids in the head, calling them names, cussing them out, and if she doesn't understand that 2 month old children need to be held and don't understand about waiting, then she could use some help.

You are right to be concerned for the safety of the children, and it isn't helping your outlook on life to watch the children suffer.

I'm not suggesting that your sister isn't a remarkable woman for raising you and that she isn't perfectly capable of raising her own children. I'm just suggesting that sometimes any and all of us can use a little help.

It may be a good idea for you to recall specific occasions where she has been out of hand, document occurrences, and take that information to the children's pediatrician. Rather than "reporting" your sister, why not share the documentation and ask their opinion of your sister's behavior. They may have a clearer picture of the overall situation at home.

It is possible that a call to social services telling them about your concerns might help everyone. It is likely that your sister will be upset at you and you will also be mistreated, but social services can intervene, offer parent training, even just offer your sister a little "time out" from parenting to get her act in order.

Answer 5

to me it sounds like she is just overwhelmed. Being a mom is very hard. Yes she should have tried to not have a 3rd if the 1st 2 were getting her down IT HAPPENS. It's very hard to give up a baby it's very hard to decide to abort so she did what she saw as best can't fault her 4 having feelings and wanting the 3rd baby even thou the other 2 were more then a handful. She sounds to young 4 the things being put on her i don't think she is making a CHOICE to parent poorly i think she knows no better. Its sad I'm sorry you lost your mom so young. Your sister may not have had a good role model to know how to be a mom since her mom passed away. I think she has more then she can handle that causes stress which causes her to act out at the kids without thinking things over because shes already so damn stressed out. Yelling at the baby is not acceptable neither is hitting in the head she needs some parenting classes stress management. I feel 4 all involved. I'VE HEARD WORSE at least she feeds clothes the kids and dose not BEAT THEM with belts and such. I don't in my heart think it sounds like she is trying to be unfit.

Answer 6

I know were u are coming from... My brother and his wife are just as you described and the have a 7 year old girl, 3 year old boy, and just had another baby 3 months ago! I hate the way they treat there kids at times and in my mind why did they have another if they can't raise the ones they already had,... My sister is not as bad she has a 11 month old baby boy he is the sweetest child you could ever meet laughs all the time and is a very good baby, but she dont raise him half the way she should. It pisses me off that my brother and sister are like that and I have to hold bit my tongue not to say something. I am 34 weeks pregnant and will never treat my baby 1% the way they treat theirs... a child is a gift from god not ur personal yell bag! I dont think u are wrong anf I understand 100% where you are coming from!

Answer 7

Since you are living in their home, you can offer to babysit the children so that they can have some couple time. You are not overreacting, but it is important for these girls to know what real love is, and you are in the perfect position to show them this. While I would not recommend coming between their mother and them while the children are being punished (unless it beomes life threatening or physically harming), you can be compassionate to the girls and understanding of what they are going through. I would also keep a log of the incidents so that if they do excalate out of control, you will have a record of the incidents.
What they are doing is considered abuse, and should honestly be reported, but that is up to you to do what you think is best. No one can make you report it, and none of us can because it is "heresay" and we did not actually witness it.

Answer 8

No I dont think you're too judgmental..
My sister had the same problem. They call it Postpardom depression. She was abusive to my little nephew as well, she done the exact same things that your sister done. So, my mother and father took her to court and reported the things she had done and took my nephew away from her. My nephew was very sick when he was with her also. If the children start becoming sick, my advise would be to call social services and ask them to keep it anonymous. They AREN'T ALLOWED to say who called if you dont say a name and just tell them the things that you have saw and heard.
If you really want to be an Aunt to the girls and your little nephew, if it keeps going on, REPORT her to social serviceas and maybe that will straighten her up after she is faced with the POSSIBILITY of losing her children.
ALSO, since you are their next of legal kin, if they did take the children, if you could find some where else to stay and get a job, show them that you CAN TAKE BETTER CARE OF THEM THAN YOUR SIS, they will grant you custody of all of them..

Answer 9

She obviously needs a break sometimes, why don't you try babysitting for her sometimes just for no reason. Take the kids to the park to play for the afternoon or something. Tell her you want to take them because she seems too stressed to handle the kids patiently and maybe she'll be so thankful for the break that she won't want to be too mad at you for mentioning her shortcomings. If you do that a few times, maybe she'll think about how she treats them and try to work on it. But if not, you just have to understand that they're her kids and if she's not doing anything illegal, she can be a bad parent if she wants. If you think she's abusing them (breaking the law), you have to report her and let the authorities decide what's best for her situation.

Answer 10

Your sister could be going through postpartum depression. After a baby is born, the hormones start raging again and it takes awhile for them to get back to prepregnancy. Your sister needs some help, so she can rest. She may also need some medical help to get through this. Perhaps you can offer to take the baby for a walk, or take the older kids to the park, McDonald's or do something with all of them to give your sis a break.