How do I tell my sister I don't want her newborn at my wedding?

Question

My sister is going to have her baby just a couple weeks before my wedding and my fiance and I don't want any child under 12 at our wedding. How do I tell my sister that I don't want her newborn child present. The reason for this is because I truly want this to be the day my fiance and I will never forget and to have her newborn there I would feel it would take away from our day. She has done things in the past to make herself stand out more than is needed and I see her using her child as an excuse to get attention at my wedding. So, how do I tell her without creating WWIII?

Answer 1

Tell her that you want her to enjoy this day too, and having her baby there will just take away from her fun/enjoyment as well. You can also tell her that you really need her to be there for you on your special day. Perhaps you could have someone bring the baby for pictures and then take him/her home righ afterwords. Then your sister doesn't have to go the whole evening without seeing her newborn, you'll have some cute pictures with the whole family, and you won't have a screaming baby at the reception or the ceremony.

Answer 2

Is your sister part of the Wedding Party (bridesmaid, whatever)? Does the ‘no children’ rule apply to after the Wedding as well (Reception)?

I sympathise with your concerns, and appreciate how you want it to be your special day… So it should be!

There should be no doubt that having the newborn baby present at the Wedding, will take attention away from you and your fiance, to a certain degree. I don’t believe however that the baby will remain the main focus of attention. You have an advantage over the baby, in that you have the ability to determine where the attention will be focused.

The only way to tell your sister is to be straightforward. It may help if you get your parents to support your decision, and hopefully, they’ll help your sister to understand that it isn’t anything personal against her and the baby. Weddings and Receptions aren’t an ideal environment for a baby, with factors such as noise and alcohol to be taken into consideration. Having the baby present would also take away from your sister’s enjoyment of the festivities!

I don’t think it will cause World War III between you and your sister, but you need to appreciate that she may well decide that she isn’t going to the Wedding! You also need to appreciate that the baby is going to need its mother at some point throughout the proceedings, and that you may in fact be preventing your sister from attending the festivities if she can’t have the baby with her!

As a concluding point… ‘No children under 12’ doesn’t necessarily have to include ‘babies’!

Answer 3

How about providing a sitter. My sister(the bride) hired a recommened teenage babysitter to stay in the church nursery with my niece during the ceremony. At a nieces reception a babsitter was hired to take the kids upstairs to a rented hotel room.This way the kids were close, they could rest if tired and everybody could have a good time.I didn't take my 3 year old to the wedding but now he's the only one not in the family pictures!Remember he's not just a newborn he's part of the family.

Answer 4

well, if you are close to your sister, I am sure she already knows your wish to not have any children under the age of twelve at the wedding. If not, I am sure she has read it on the invitation. I am wondering though, as to how you wrote this on the invitations. And if you didn't send this notice out to everyone, it's not exactly fair to single out your sister. It's not like she planned giving birth right before you planned your wedding...sometimes these things happen. I also think you may be over-reacting a bit when it comes to her newborn stealing the show. It's your wedding for pete's sake. Everyone knows all the attention is going to be on the bride. It sounds to me that you have some deep seeded insecurity issues when it comes to living in the shadow of your sister. I understand you want to stand out, but honestly honey, this day is suppose to be about your vows and joining as one with your fiance'. I think it's a little far fetched to think that someone stopping to take a peak at the baby is going to ruin that for you. They aren't there to see a baby, they are there to see you.

I can tell you from experience, that I have two sisters and one of them requested no small children at the wedding. Because of her selfish request to not want to share her day with her entire family, alot of people didn't bother to come...one of those was my cousin who was a bridesmaid next to me and my other sister. And at the reception, I did not stay, nor did my other sister, nor half our family....we went home to our children. In the end, she regretted doing that. Now at family reunions, we tease her and joke to keep the kids away from her, we might ruin a picture, or her dinner, or her dress. I'm guessing you never thought that could happen....just thought I'd give you a head's up. Sometimes people don't always see things the way you see them. Your sister, is probably going to be really hurt, as are the other relatives with children. You might want to think about this a little more. And if you do allow children and something funny happens, be glad it's going to be caught on tape...America's Funniest Videos loves clips like that and you could always send it in.

Answer 5

Just tell her that are no children under 12 invited, and it's an adults-only wedding/reception. A lot of people exclude children. Stick to your guns, though, because if you've told other people this exclusion and she brings the baby anyway, then a lot of people are going to be mad at you for letting HER bring a child when they were told they couldn't.

There's no reason to tell her more specifics about why you don't want the newborn there. Be prepared for her to pitch a fit and not come to your wedding over it, but in my opinion if she's going to be like that then she shouldn't be there anyway.

Best of luck!

Answer 6

Shame on you!! That's your sister! How about a compromise, how about no children under 12 at the ceremony. Could you handle children under 12 at the reception? Your wedding day should be celebrated by everyone in your family no matter the age. If not, you and your honey should elope to a beautiful island! No one under 12 would be there and you could avoid an ugly ordeal between you and your sister.

Answer 7

If you haven't sent out invitations yet, when you do write them out, address them to Mr. and Mrs. ????? . Maybe she will understand that you only mean the two of them. Do you really think that your guests will not understand that the day is for you and your fiance though? I'm sure there would be a little bit of attention if she did bring her baby, but at the same time, you two will be so focused on each other that you may not even notice her and her baby - just in case she does end up bringing her baby. Her baby will only be a couple of weeks old and maybe it's too hard for her not to have her baby with (feeding and stuff, ya know?).

Either way just remember it will be you and your fiance's day. Your focus should be on your husband-to-be.

Answer 8

Actually, i'm in the same situation, but not with my sister, with my friends. A lot of them just had babies and honestly, I've been to weddings before and you couldn't hear a word anyone was saying because there were screaming babies and kids the whole entire time. I'm getting married this month, and on my reception cards, I put "Please remember this is an adult event" This is a nice way of telling everyone - hey - I want this to be a special day and I don't want you're kids to ruin it.

Answer 9

I think it is very important that you let her know how important it is for you to be able to have her at your wedding and that you understand the baby will be there, however, babies will cry and because of that, churches have wonderful nurseries available and the baby will be well taken care of in there. I am sure she will understand. That way the wedding can go without a hitch, the sister can be present and the baby can be too without disturbing the wedding.

Answer 10

I say suck it up and let children under the age of 12 come.
I always thing weddings are funner when there are little kids running around. In fact, when I get a wedding invitation that states, "no kids" or "no kids under a certain age" I don't even bother going to that wedding or getting a gift for the couple.
At a couple of weeks old, a lot of times parents don't want to leave their kids with someone else.
If she knows the invitations stated no kids under 12, she should know that her kids are included, but maybe she thinks since this will be your niece, you'd be happy about it.

I honestly think you sound selfish. It will be your day no matter who comes.