Can anyone give advice on what to do with a 10 yr old son who refuses to do class and school work?

Question

been in school only 2 days and both days he has come home LIED and said he has no homework...I know a friend of his mother whom I can call...but I know I shouldn't call and pester her EVERY day...I have went through two years of my son doing this...he will lie about not having workwork...and I just will never know unless I call someone...I can't get him to bring home any notes or homework, and I am tired of the lying. I have tried spanking, no tv, no games, rewards, go to bed early, when he donesn't bring home work I will give him tons of MY work.I have thought about doing a chart, kinda like a behavior chart.If you think this is a good idea, give some ideas on it. I have thought about having a chart where he would get a check mark for the things he does wrong such as no homework & lying.the days he gets a check mark he will go to bed an hour early. at the end of the week he gets as many paddle licks as check marks OR if no check marks he can go to blockbuster pic out movie or game

someone mentioned using Sylvan...how will that help? he is smart as they come. I can get him on or around a/b honor roll when he brings things home...

Answer 1

My dear you just explained my boy.


And when he finally does the work is it a complete mess and refuse to check his math? Forget reading a book!

Luckily his teacher used a program she called the bubble gum club. You start with 5 bubble gum balls and each time you forget a homework you need to write to mom and you loose a bubble gum ball. The end of the year the student with the most bubble gum balls wins a miniature gum ball machine. This seemed to really work on my son.

Perhaps you can talk to the teacher tell her of his history and see if there is a program she can implement.



I asked my school if they can take away his recess each time he misses a homework. And have to do the homework instead. To me this would be a great consequence. The school said they can't do that. But maybe they can in your state.

Another good idea to see about is if your son can miss out on school parties. For example if he misses three homeworks from now until Halloween Instead of a party with the rest of the class (since he doesn't participate with the work the other class does) when they have their party he must go to the school office and miss out on the party.
I would ask the teacher about this.

Answer 2

First stop all the punishment esp spanking and paddle licks-hasn;'t worked and probably helped to turn this into control issue. Have a conference with his teachers and get their feedback of how you and them can communicate on daily basis so you can know when he has homework-he can be at the meeting. Then sit down with your son and you two formulate a Homework chart-every day that he does earns points which SAT AM turn into something importan to him-why his input important for must motivat him to decide to do homework. You cannot force him to do homework but can motivate so he'll decide. The oldfashioned way -Isay and you'll do-isn't always effective and often breeds rebellion esp in boys. Whatever good he does-does his schoolwork in class,foloows school and class rules.Observe what he does well at home fro how he keeps his room to how well he listens (besides homework issue) and if he does well tell him-kids respond to praise and being told they are loved no matter what. You have been concentrating on punishments and all the good things he does do have been lost over the homework issue. Perhaps you could benefit from positive reenforcement parenting-maybe the homework is hard for him and he could benefit (if you can afford) a homework tutor for even 2x's a week would then be beneficial. You have good ideas already for the homework chart-except for the paddle licks and the negatives-to motivate him try him earning only-for all the negatives haven't worked in 2 yrs. Search on the Internet under Positive Parenting Skills and also www.coach-parenting.com how praising your child-recognizing their skills,achievements-even the very simple ones, telling them you love no matter what, hugs all make the child feel good about themselves and eventually comply for want to hear praises-human nature. Good luck.

Answer 3

Make an appointment with his homeroom teacher, and tell her that he hasn't been bringing home his schoolwork when there is homework, and get her email. Ask her to email you daily saying what tomorrow's homework will be, so you can make sure he brings the work he needs home.

Make sure your son knows what's going on; I personally hated it when my parents emailed my teachers or the school counselors about my incompleted homework, and would do anything it took to have that negative communication stop. If he is angered by his teacher's involvement, he will likely start bringing work home in order to stop the emails.

At 10, he is too old to use visual charts for behavioural issues. Let him know that if he doesn't bring work home because it's hard to do, that you can always help him, and if you can't you could get him a tutor. Tell him that homework doesn't have to be a long struggle; it can be the minimum amount of work, and that's ok, as long as it gets done.

Answer 4

Hmmm, frustrating problem. Well, you could keep trying to make him stop lying and do his homework or you could sit him down and explain that you are no longer going to babysit him and pester him about doing his homework. Tell him that you would like him to do it and that it is really important if he wants to pass his grade in school and remain with his buddies as they move forward through school. If he is having a learning problem of some sort, maybe you could ask him or his teacher to see what they think, (and then deal with that) but it may just be that it is a habit and he doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions or life. He is old enough to understand that there are consequences for his actions or lack of them and really, you don't have to do anything but simply let him fail. Then he may find the motivation within himself to try and take responsibility for his school work. Peer pressure and humiliation sometimes work way better than you nagging at him.

Answer 5

Find a reward that he wants to work towards. Then use a behavior chart to work for it. Be sure you start with reasonable, easy to reach goals. Work up from there. For the time being, buy your son a planner that he has to use. Let his teacher know you want her to check it before he leaves school to be sure his homework is all written in and have her sign it. Then you will know what his homework is.

Answer 6

Get you son and yourself to a family councilor and do it quick. There is something going on behind the scene that you are not seeing. The lying is a psychological problem caused by self esteem problems. The homework thing may be ADD or HADD. Or he may have dyslexia and not be able to keep up with the class. In any event get some medical help for him and yourself or he will drive you nuts before he is 11 and you want to kill him by the time he is 12.

Answer 7

I have the same problen with my son. We started him seeing a counselor and then I decided it was easier to email the teacher and chat with her that way daily. The teacher tends to get upset, However I informed her it is the only way the work will get done.We tried the chart thing, it didn;t work for us, although I do have friends it did work for. We tell our son, he cannot watch tv, play or do anything until all work is done. We Mean it. so far it is working. good luck, try talking with the school principal and the school counselor try to get a meeting together as fast as possible so they can come up with their own solutions, resolutions and incentives for your child, if everyone works together as a team, more can be accomplished. Like I tell my sone Team stands for Together Everyone Achieves More.

Answer 8

First you need to contact his teacher. Find out what homework is given and when it is due. Now armed with the facts, find out
WHY your son doesn't want to do homework. Perhaps it is too hard for him or he doesn't understand. The last resort is counseling. Most cities have counseling that is available at low cost or no cost. School counselor would/should have this info.
Don't give in or give up.

Answer 9

Pop by the school often and have the teacher email his homework to you everyday! You can even get a set of books to keep at home --- There should be a homework policy at his school --find out what it is. Also, what does he do with his time when he has "no homework" according to him? Is he playing?? Make him read a book --give him his own homework assignments from you !!

Answer 10

Why on earth would you pay Sylvan to teach your son stuff he already knows?? The problems can be resolved... you need to dicipline that boy AND start taking his sacred personal things he loves so much from him, XBox , computer etc... and don't let him participoate in sports... then he will be bored and fingure out he better get it done... but it all lies with you... YOU are the one in control not him... so stop it before it gets worse!