Good Jokes?

Question

The one that makes me laugh the most gets best answer!

Answer 1

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"


A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:
Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! It’s starting to rain, and the top is down

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards bring the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

(the only dumb blonde is jessica simpson)

Answer 2

A man and an ostrich walk into a bar. The guy orders a German beer and the the ostrich says, " That sounds good, I'll have one too." The bartender brings the beer and the guy asks how much. The bartender tells him, " $6.50 pal." The guy reaches into he pocket and pulls out exactly $6.50. They drink up and leave. This goes on for a couple of weeks and no matter what they order the guy always pulls out the exact amount owed from his pocket. Curious, the bartender finally asks him how he can always have the right amount to pay his tab. The guy says, " Well a couple of years ago I was lost in the desert and can across a bottle. I was very thirsty and opened when a Genie popped out and I wished that I would always be able to pull from my pocket the right amount of money to pay for anything I wanted." The bartender said, " That is brilliant! Instead of asking for a finite amount like a million dollars, you will never run out of money your whole life, but what's with the ostrich?" Well....I had two wishes, the 1st one was for a hot chick with long legs.

Answer 3

Driving down the highway a man looks into his rear-view mirror. He sees a brand new Mercedes approaching on his left. As the Mercedes gets along side he sees this most beautiful woman he has ever seen. He speeds up to get a better view but alas she gradually pulls away. Then he sees the bumper sticker. It says
"I bought it piece by piece"

Answer 4

A Scotsman & a Englishman are strolling along the beach when they find a lamp. They clean it up and out pops a genie.

"I'll give you each one wish for freeing me" says the genie.

The Englishman thinks then wishes. "I believe in an England for the English, I'm sick and tired of all these Jocks coming into MY country. I wish for a huge wall around England - to keep the English in and the Scots out."

POOF and it's done.

The Scotsman thinks. "Genie?" he says "tell me about this wall". "Well" says the genie "it's 500 feet high, a third of a mile thick, nothing can get in and nothing can get out".

"OK" says the Scotsman "Fill it with water".

Answer 5

Did you hear about the bigot who was with a guy that was a race he hated (insert any race so as not to offend) They find a lamp with a genie in it. The genie says to the bigot. I will grant you three wishes, but this guy get twice as much as you.
The bigot first asks for wealth.
The other get gets twice as rich.
The bigot asks for power.
The other is then twice as powerful.
Then for his last wish the bigot says to the genie, beat me half to death.

Answer 6

I was talking with this Guy and he said you ask a lot of questions I said “why do you say that”?

Answer 7

I saw this guy walk into a bar. There was blood everywhere.

Answer 8

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages. I hope, it helps u.

Answer 9

what do you call a black man with a bike?
a thief

Answer 10

the british and american governments?