How do you politely decline answering a question which is none of someones business without being rude?

Question

There must be a polite way to not answer direct questions such as "How much do you make?", How much did you pay for your house? How much money do you have in the bank?" without being rude myself. If I tell her that its rude to ask, I'm as much as calling her rude to her face. Web sites suggested I answer with a question such as asking her why she wants to know but that hasn't helped, she scoffs and asks why its a big secret, she adds that she knows how much everyone else paid, earns, has....

If you haven't guessed already, the culprit is my Mother in law and for my husbands sake, I don't want to cause a family issue over this. I simply like my privacy.

Answer 1

Why not try something like this: "I know you worry about me and your son, but right now, we are doing quite well! Thank you so much for your concern! I know we can always count on you to think of us!" By complimenting her on her concern, you disarm her. Of course, she will try another tactic if she is simply being nosy, but a similar answer can be used in each situation.

Answer 2

I too have had an overly interested mother-in-law. This particular issue never came up but she did decide that we were maybe not handling our kids investments as well as she would. She went as far as settting up tax free college funds for them without our permission. She demanded the kids SS#'s we did not give them over. The point is she did not stop meddling until my husband told her this was not her concern it was ours. You need to have your HUSBAND deal with HIS mom. You are handling things very well and you should continue on as you have been. Your husband needs to have a very direct conversation with her. He needs to ask her WHY she is so concerned. When he has her reasons then he can calmly let her know that the two of you have a good handle on your finances and that she shouldn't worry so much. If she just wants to tell her friends how well her son is doing he can tell her she can brag all she wants because his family is wealthy beyond compare because he and his wife are wildly successfull in their lives.

Answer 3

You could just tell her that: I make enough to pay my bills with a little left over, I paid what they asked for the house and not a penny more and I have enough in the bank to see me through a bump in the road.
Now if she starts asking for exact amounts just give her some ridiculous numbers that would have no meaning in that context ie. I make 18 cent per hour and we paid 13654% for the house. If she keeps pressing you for the answers then she really is being rude since you have clearly told her that you will not answer questions concerning your finances. Or you could give her ballpark figures like I make about 55,000 a year or we paid about 200,000 for the house.
Hey play it the way you want or just let 'him' deal with his mom.

Answer 4

Here's the way I look at it. If a person is asking questions about things that are none of their business then they are the ones being rude. So you are under no obligation to be nice to them
I understand that being tactful in your situation is important. I would talk to your husband and see if he can back his mother off. If that don't work then you might not have any choice but to tell the lady to back off yourself.
You could say you are in a catch 22 on this. Good luck.

Answer 5

You could go with the simple 'I don't want to say such personal things'. You need to sit down with her and tell her you don't like all the questions. chances are she will get all mad and huffy...let her. If she is mad, she won't be asking questions. So be rude, call her a nosy busybody, whatever....

You could just lie to her...but make them good almost true lies. Though that is 'wrong'.

Of course, the polite way is to just chance the subject...quickly and to something else. But that will only work for so long.

You could just avoid her too...

Answer 6

Sometimes I will ask a person in exchange if they want the truth or a lie. You wouldn't believe how many drop the subject. Sometimes I will just say that I rather not talk about it. I will sometimes say too, why does it matter? Just tell her that you aren't comfortable talking about your financial situation, that's it's not a big secret. You just rather not talk about you and her son's personal business. If she keeps on, tell her to ask your husband and leave it at that. I can't believe people and how rude and nosey they can be. She is too nosey.

Answer 7

After reading all the responses, I agree with 'Ugly Grandmother'. With age brings wisdom....

She writes:

"Why not try something like this: "I know you worry about me and your son, but right now, we are doing quite well! Thank you so much for your concern! I know we can always count on you to think of us!"

By complimenting her on her concern, you disarm her. Of course, she will try another tactic if she is simply being nosy, but a similar answer can be used in each situation."

Answer 8

Then tell her like you would a stranger. "That is none of your business." If your consistent about it, she fall off the subject.........eventually. Unfortunately, she has set the tone for the answer, if she cannot except the polite answer and she is still being rude about it herself, then it's time to return the favor, but with a little more taste.

Answer 9

Hi,

When in my husband's family something like this happen...we jus say "we don't really want to talk about that" ...but we say it smiling and nicely.
and then we keep having a good time.... is your husband american? in america those questions are not good neither but if is the family asking "is normal"

Maybe she asks because she believes u r family.
if u don't like her ?s talk to your husband... tell him i a good way "look sometimes i think your mother asks questions that I don't want to answer" Is your mother, u know her "sugggestme something"????
also, you can just say... how mucho did you pay 4 the house ???
I will say..."not much" and cahnge the subject and if she keeps on going (I wil say) "thanks for asking, i appreciate your questions but I don't really want to talk about it now....let's have a good time ...I came here to c you, lets talk about you!.
How much do u make??? i will answer with "what do u mean? ... and what makes you ask me that question.../
or yo can get out with "look I know you heart is good but i'm not good answering questions like those ////(the many u wrote)..... sorry...lets talk about something else ...

I know is difficult and u r v, smart ... but if u don't like it "u don't like it"...

Now don't use u statements or why questions .."place people in a defensive psosition' and them defending themselves will get u going.
God bless u,
[e-mail]

Answer 10

Sometimes you just have to tell someone to mind their own beezwax. I know how you feel as my mother in law is like that too! You and your husband need to be a united front on this and do not let her win!