My best friend's finacee....?

Question

is a complete jerk! they are getting married in november. this will be his third marriage and her first--he spends all her money, travels a lot for "business"(so he says) and never treats her like she should be treated. she is so smart and has a degree in graphic design and he wants her to stay home and have babies--i love my best friend with all my heart and do not want to see her get hurt. i don't want to lose her as a friend either, but something has to be done. i don't know what to do. do i tell her my concerns or keep quite and mind my own business?
please help!

Answer 1

What a great friend you are to be so concerned about what is going on in this woman's life. She is lucky to have you. Listen, feel her out on how she will react to your saying anything "negitive" about her choice of husband. If she shows any inclination of wanting this type of feedback then start out very slowly. Speak of how much you love her, who you want her happiness and to feel truly loved and valued in life. Avoid any direct criticism of her fiance. You can use phrases which do not indict her choice. If you indict her choice you will be indicting her as well. Questioning her judgement and intelligence. Not in reality, but in her mind. She is very fragile now and probably knows there are some huge red flags in this relationship. I have counseled many woman and men who can pinpoint the red flags which should have opened them to question the decision of whom they were getting ready to become married to. I have found that in 95% of the time, people will be able to look back and say "why didn't I pay attention to this, or that?". When one is in a relationship throwing out red flags it is often difficult to detract ones self from the situation. When an intelligent young woman is in a potentially harmful relationship she is often in a vicious cycle of periods of intense romantic love by their partner followed by neglectful and/or abusive behaviors, followed by apologies and more intensely romanic treatment. It is often difficult to admitt to having made a totally foolish decision. Often if anyone attempts to "criticize" their choice is viewed as a criticicism of them. So, it is important a good and loving friend take this into account when atempting to discuss the situation.

Now, if she is resistant to any type of discusion I strongly reccommend you back off. If you back off you can be there for her when she really needs you. If she makes this choice she will really need your love, support, and lack of criticism later on down the road when this relationship breaks apart. It will break apart, it is only a matter of time. If you attempt to force this conversation on her when she is not ready, then you will be the bad guy and she could remove herself from what she sees as a criticizing and butting in "friend". She will turn away from anyone who attempts to force her to take a real look at her situation. However, down the road when she really needs your friendship, she will know you did attempt to discuss this with her. Never allow her to think you look down on her due to this decision. A true friend knows we all make mistakes in life and will not judge those we love harshly for those mistakes.

This young woman is very lucky to have such a loving and concerned friend. Bless you for being the terrific person you are. I wish you much happiness and joy in life. Blessed Be.

Answer 2

If she is a true friend then you two should be able to discuss anything and you should be able to share your concerns without ruining your friendship. The key is not to attack her fiance but to just ask her if she isn't concerned about some of those specific things you mentioned. Remember, just because you want and hope for a certain life for her, that may not be her dream or what she wants for her future.

Answer 3

Just let her know that you love her and are concerned about her, maybe she's just blind as to what's going on. However, it is her decision, so if she loves him and stays with him, you need to support her decision. And help her through the tough times. Best wishes to you and your friend!

Answer 4

try a brain transplant, you say your friend is smart but obviously she needs help. This guy is a user and a loser. And she is headed for hell on earth if she doesnt wake up some time between now and the wedding.

Answer 5

if she was really as smart as you say, she would not be in this situation. she should know that he is no good. then again you can see him for what he is because you are looking at it from the outside. try talking to her without being too obvious about what you think of him. she might feel like you are trying to manipulate her and end your friendship. we learn from our own mistakes. we can't learn if we don't make them.

good luck.

Answer 6

you said that you love ur friend, and that she's your best friend....i think that you have to tell her the truth it's better if she ends her relationship before she get married and pregnant, she will be angry with you if you tell her your state of mind.......but in the end she will thank you

good luck with whatever you'r gonna do

Answer 7

Voice your opinions... having ur friend mad at you is waaaaay better than having a friend that is newly divorced with a kid on the way.

Answer 8

People tend to be "blind" when they are in "love", even more so when they are in "lust". While you can point out the obvious to her she may choose not to see it. You have to have documented facts and photos don't hurt, but you have to be aware she may choose not to see them.

Answer 9

sometimes its best to tell someone when something isnt right. just talk to her and make sure u use the right words so she wont get pissed at u

Answer 10

Voice your opinion...sometimes an outsider can see things better & non judgementally. Besides please chk if you are plain jealous & scared of loosing your friend or really concerned..