My Dad is an Alcoholic. He`s a stupid drunk at night, but by the next morning he`s the Dad I know and love...?

Question

I`m 22 and my Dad is an alcoholic. He has been as long as I can remember. I have a hard time with it because it upsets my Mom so much (She`s my best friend. I hate seeing him put alcohol before her). He`s not mean, violent or angry when he`s drunk. Just stupid and an idiot to the point he stumbles to bed (he doesn`t drink and drive thank God).
I have a hard time because I hate who he is when he`s drunk but there is no point in confronting him until he`s sober the next morning. But by that time he`s my Dad again and that`s the Dad I love.
Should I just ignore it and deal with it, or confront him when he`s sober? (He promises to stop but never does)

Believe me, I`ve prayed for him to stop my whole life. Apparently this is one of those situations where God answers prayers, just not always the way you want him to. I`m still trying to figure out how he`s responded to mine.(My Dad knows and loves God too.He turned away from alcohol and to God for a while, but he had a bad experience with church and it`s back to normal)

Answer 1

No, do not accept this behavior. Let him know how you feel when he's sober. How it is affecting you and your mother. There must be an underlying problem he is dealing with that caused him to begin drinking. I lived with an alcoholic mother and she died 5years ago at the age of 49,due to alcoholism. I then turned to the stuff, and almost ruined my marriage. I had a revelation that God has a better and more divine purpose for me and all of us and I saught help. Still attending AA, and loving God. If you ignore this, he will never know, and then eventually have many health problems.. There are also meeting you can go to to relate to others at your age that are in the same position. Alanon.. There free, just a way to cope, deal with, and understand why people choose alcohol over there loved ones. It's a deadly DISEASE and needs intervention. You don't want to wake up 10 years from now without your loving dad and wish you would have helped your dad get help. It's not an ashaming disease but it is very hard to kick the habit.. I will pray for ya.. I'm only 29 too.. god bless IM me if needed.. t

Answer 2

I've not had to deal with this personally so I don't think I'm the best person to answer this question. You love your dad though, and I think you want to do something, you just don't know how to handle this without risking alienating him. It's okay to feel unsure about this. There is no universal method that works every time. Your dad is an individual, so you and your mom know best how he will most likely react to an intervention.

There's more at stake here than your mom's feelings, or yours for that matter. The alcohol will eventually destroy your fathers health, and take him from you too early.

From your description, it sounds like your father is already an alcoholic. As such, he has a physical addiction that will have to be overcome.

But the reason he drinks, is almost certainly an attempt to stop hurting. Why he hurts, the thought or memory he's escaping from, is what you will need to discover. At this time, it may even be guilt over being an alcoholic. There is a recursive cycle to addiction, so you need not assume the problem is some distant memory.

There are many sites on the Internet that can offer you advice on how to council your father. Your best source however, may be closer than you think. If your employer offers an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) as many do, you should be able to go to them for some direct, one-on-one advice. You program may even cover inpatient treatment for your father, so check it out.

Best of luck, to all of you.

Answer 3

That is exactly how my mom is. I am 30 and she has drank all my life. I used to hope that she would stop, I have almost given up hope. It was really hard growing up with an alcoholic mother and it is still hard even though I am grown. My children miss out on having a grandmother, and I miss out on having someone to lean on when times are hard. For the most part she doesn't drink during the day, but after five you can bet she will be drunk. The only advice that I have for you is to love your dad anyway and be there for him no matter what. The next thing to do is to just pray. God can work miracles and he knows what things to use to get every ones attention so that they will lean on him and live life according to his plan. Believe me I know from experience. Good luck with your dad and hang in there. Just keep holding to that small glimmer of hope that he will one day stop. As for confronting him that is something that will probably not do any good. It never has worked for me.

Answer 4

Alcohol isn't even that important. The only reason your friends and other people are saying it is fun is because they feel more confident when they drink. If you can have fun without drinking your being smart. If you want to you could have one drink that will make you feel a little tipsy and just sip that throughout the night. My mum has more than 3+ drinks a night, I think that is on the verge of being an alcoholic. But when my dad goes out drinking he only has one throughout the night. He still enjoys his night. I don't drink - unless I am going to the clubs, because I know I will only be dancing, not talking. I can't hold a conversation when I drink :P so I don't drink at social events

Answer 5

Have you asked him why he's drinking again? Could it be the same reason that he's mad at God?

Sounds to me like he needs somebody to talk to, and I would NOT suggest AA. He's more likely to get program dogma than useful advice.

Don't ignore it, but also don't be too confrontational. Tell him you're disappointed and hurt sometime when he's sober. The video tape might be just the right thing, or it might make him very defensive and shut you out.

He may be going through some sort of mid-life crisis/depression; a therapist, clergyman, or good friend may be just what he needs.

I wish you the best...

Answer 6

When your dad is sober tell him to quit. Tell him if he loves beer more then you and your mom. If he needs help then send him to rehab. I say you should confront him and help him get over this bad habit. Stand by his side and don't let him do this on his own. My dad use to get stupid drunk, but I confronted him when I was like 6 yeas old and sure enough he quite. I'm sure that your dad will do the same. I wish you and your family the best of luck. I'll make sure to pray for your dad.
Ciao~

Answer 7

Unfortunately an addict must want to get better in order to be helped. About the only thing I can think of is to record on video while he is drunk and then show it to him when he is sober. You may have to do it over time and then just do clips of the worst scenes to have the most impact. Maybe if when he is sober he sees how much he hurts you and your mom when he is drunk then he will seek help. You also might include shots of yourself stating how much each of those instances hurt you and how you felt at the time.

Answer 8

Yes I would confront him. Alcohol is a decease and Left untreated will kill. The biggest step is he needs to admit that he is powerless over alcohol. Once he does this have him just show up to an AA meeting. The whole room will be of Alcoholic just like him and they are very willing to help out in any way.
Good luck!

Answer 9

There is no use in talking to him while he is drunk. Talk to him when he is sober and tell him how worried you are about him. Also you should look into Al-Anon which is for families of alcoholics, they can help. Good luck.

Answer 10

maybe you could have an intervention like they do on TV and get all your family and all his friends to confront him and then drive him to a treatment center. you could also join AlAnon, a support group for family members for alcoholics. good luck