There is a guy at college who I am very interested in and really like. We've kept in touch through email over the summer and he called me last weekend and we talked for almost four hours. The problem is that I recently ended a relationship that I had been in for over a year and a half, and I don't feel ready to take on another boyfriend yet. How do I tell this guy that I really like him and I would be really happy to go out on dates with him and get to know him better, but I'm not ready for a boyfriend without him thinking I'm just trying to let him down gently and that I'll never be interested in being his girlfriend, which is NOT the case. He's 22 and I'm 19 if that helps.
2006-08-15 10:57:29 · 8 answers · asked by Cat Loves Her Sabres 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hmmmmm... I wonder how much of this is necessary to say BEFORE you even agree to go out with him? Not like you need to hide it -- I'm a BIG believer in honesty and open communication -- but more like, is this really in the "need to know" category before he takes you miniature golfing and buys you a peach shake at Red Robin?
Understand? I think the thing to say to him NOW is how much you enjoy talking with him and that you'd look forward to getting to know him better, and work out where and when to start doing that. The first date isn't a commitment... it's a chance to find out things about each other.
When it's clear that you're getting along (assuming you are, of course) in a light dating situation, and you're telling each other your life-stories, THAT would be the time to tell him you ended a year-and-a-half long relationship, and that you don't even want to THINK about another one just now...
Then you put your arm through his and say "But today has been a lot of fun, and I would be happy to go out with you again, if you asked me." Assuming you still do, of course!
Again, I'm not advocating concealing anything or being dishonest at all -- I just think that bringing your old relationship along before you even get asked on your first date with this guy is a little, well, morbid (and puts you at risk for coming across as self-absorbed). If you REALLY want to get over your last relationship, let it stay in the past and enjoy being with this guy on his own merits.
Then you can take it one step at a time, until your heart tells you otherwise.
2006-08-15 12:03:08 · answer #1 · answered by Scott F 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
after telling him this, prove you're not just trying to get rid of him nicely by actually following through with what you said. keep in contact and put effort into staying friends or whatever you want to call yourselves. as long as he doesn't feel like you're avoiding him, or like he's more interested in you than vice versa, you should be able to take the time you need without ruining your chances for a future relationship with him.
2006-08-15 18:07:18 · answer #2 · answered by aly j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is gr8 as u says.. u should b able 2 b open with him and tell him the trusth
being open and hounest from the starts builds the best realtiosnhips
i would expect if he was any kid of guy 2 say i give u w/e time u need.. as i wnt u and i don't care how long
2006-08-15 18:07:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I actually think you stated it very well in your question. Just tell him that exactly as you said it. If he really likes you and is a decent guy he will understand and respect how you feel.
2006-08-15 18:03:11 · answer #4 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just explain to him, what you did to us, that you just got out of a relationship and not yet ready to start another. let him do things to change your mind, its more fun and will let you know if he really cares. good luck!
2006-08-15 18:04:02 · answer #5 · answered by Joe T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why can't you just date him? why do girls always need time after a break up? if you're interested in dating him, don't play games, just date him.
2006-08-15 18:06:23 · answer #6 · answered by russp321 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just start talking to him tell him hes cute then just start with basics
*u got homework?
*where were u born?
*what r u doing tonight?(only if u wanna go with him that night)
hope i helped
2006-08-15 18:03:55 · answer #7 · answered by christian21992 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just tell him you arent interested in dating anyone right now, but if he's looking for a casual **** buddy , then you're his girl
2006-08-15 18:07:53 · answer #8 · answered by ilikkaladapous 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋