How do you get a guy to talk about marriage without making him feel like he is being pressured?

Question

I want to talk to my bf of 6 years about marriage...I brought it up 3 years ago and he said he wasn't ready...so I didn't say anything...and I brought it up again recently and he said isn't ready (he said he won't be ready for another 3-4 years). He says he knows he wants to marry me...but he doesn't want to talk about it....so how do you talk to him about it without making him feel pressured?

he is in his late 20's and I am in my mid 20's

3 years ago he was in school without a job...now he has a great job and is pretty stable.

Answer 1

Whats the point of talking about it anymore. He said he wont be ready for another 3-4 yrs. So that will equal 9-10 yrs he needed to make the move if you wait. I cant believe you've waited this long. You guys will probably never get married. Stop waiting and find a guy who cant wait to be your husband.

Answer 2

If u know marriage is something u are ready for & he's not u need seriously ask urself should i invest anymore time in this relationship.
No matter how u try to bring it up , he's going to feel pressured.Another 3 or 4 years?And it's been 6, honey that kind of says a few things on it's own.
A person knows if they want to take that big step.
There will always be some excuse/issue as to why "we cant get married now"..I'm not ready..what will make u ready? is what u shouldve asked
The common things ppl tend to want to get out of the way/handle before making such a big leap:

develop a sound r.ship(every r.ship has problems)
bills paid off or down( ready to purshase that house/condo/duplex)
professional life on track

in my opinion we women see marriage as many things and one of the main things is, THAT REAL COMMITTMENT..yea he's been ur man for 6 years, that's a record in itself these days, but the ULTIMATE show of he KNOWS UR THE ONE is yes, popping that question. letting u know he wants to go there with you. Make you OFFICIALLY his woman. HE KNOWS w/o a doubt u were meant to be together thru the good/bad & ugly

Some men get comfortable in these long r.ships & figure sh*t y marry u, we been together this long?Him not even being willing to talk about it, or even a long engagment is a clue too honey, but of course the choice is yours. i'm not saying oh leave him u aint gonna snag him /get his last name honey, think abuot what u want. it just seems to me, marriage is NOT something he is interested in, esp. since he wont even have the conversation..pressure or no pressure.best of luck:)

Answer 3

How is it possible to make it not seem like you're pressuring him... when indeed you are?

Don't get me wrong... I agree with you... It's time.... it's PAST TIME. It's just you're playing games with the ENGLISH LANGUAGE. Indeed... YOU are looking for a RING and a DATE. And this is putting him in opposition with an OPEN ENDED arrangement.

I would start by saying... Look bud... it's been 3 years since last we spoke about this. I've exercise patience (if you really have)... now it's time for you to show me your patience. Let's sit down and pick out a RING and a date...

I think that's fair enough.

Answer 4

At my age (approaching 30) I certainly wouldn't stay with a man that long if he wasn't ready for a more serious commitment, but perhaps he's young and can't be expected to. A man needs to feel secure in his place in life before being happy/ready to take on the added responsibilities of home and family. There's some hints in Dr. Phil's book 'Love Smart' too, if you want to know how to get him to talk about it.

Answer 5

TRUST ME!! Don't pressure him or he will resent everything in the future including you. I don't mean to say it so straightforward but it is the truth.. he'll act weird a couple months/years after the wedding and everything will be down hill from there ... its really only been 18 months so just wait a little longer... there's nothing wrong about TALKING about marriage but don't drop hints or joke about him proposing or you will make him feel like he is in a box

Answer 6

Six years seems like a long time. Has there been sex occurring (which is not recommended)? If so, that could account for his not caring about marriage, otherwise he'd have probably been ready to marry 5 years and 11 months ago.

Answer 7

Anything you say will make him feel pressured, even if you don't intend it that way. You're going to have to bite the bullet and find out why he doesn't want to get married yet. He might have a valid reason (financial stability, wants to finish school) or he might just be afraid of commitment. Unless you're still in high school (which I doubt) six years is plenty of time to be dating. He needs to decide if he really loves you enough to marry you, and if he doesn't, you should find someone who does.

Answer 8

Well, depends on how old YOU are, seriously. If you are in your early 20's, don't pressure him. If you are in your mid-20's, you should talk to him about it. If you are in your late 20s/early 30s, you should tie him to a chair and MAKE him listen. If he is looking to "not buy the cow 'cuz the milk comes free" while your bio clock is ticking, it is time to seriously consider losing him and looking for Mr. Better. I was there, lost him and found Mr. Better, married him, and have two great kids (which I had to have in my mid thirties and had trouble because I waited too long before moving on to Mr. Better). Good luck.

Answer 9

You can't.
The guy is being totally honest with you and you just won't listen.
I hate to say it but if you want to get married, you have to find someone else.
If after 6 years he still isn't "ready", he never will be.
Hard as it is to face, you need to find a new guy who wants the same things from life that you do.
Good luck.

Answer 10

Hehe, sounds like you are dating a little boy, not a man..

How old are you? I mean, if you are still in your early twenties, and he's still a student, he shouldn't be feeling ready.

But, if you have such a hard time talking to him, what the hell have you guys been doing for 6 years?