My grandfather died suddenly this past Sunday, memorial services are tomorrow afternoon. My mom and step dad divorced 19 years ago. Mom wants to go and pay her respects to her late ex father in law, and honestly I wouldn't mind her support. Dad is upset that she is coming and has now thrown me in the middle. I already bought mom an airline ticket. help! I am much closer to my mom that to my dad....have only see dad 3 times in 10 years.
2006-08-15 09:44:37 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She has every right to go and funerals are not social events so why is your dad upset?
2006-08-15 09:52:06 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh my hon....
When my ex-husbands brother died, there would have been no one that could have kept me away. I was very close to Boyd and we knew one another a long time. AND you know what? My nieces and nephews on that side of the family still called me Aunt Jean.
I think your father is wrong for putting you in the middle of things. It really shouldn't matter if you are closer to your Mom than your dad. What is important here is that your Mom wants to give her respects to a person that was in her life for quit some time. She is stepping forward in doing something that others would not do.
You take hold of your Mom's hand and you walk proudly up to the casket and you both give your respects, TOGETHER...AND if your dad doesn't like it, HE is the one with the problem..
I have never heard of anyone being banned from a funeral.
I am truly sorry for your loss..
2006-08-15 09:57:21 · answer #2 · answered by whenwhalesfly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's definitely not wrong for your mom to go. You should explain to your father that she is there to support you in your grief and that you know it makes him uncomfortable but it is something you need. He should understand and even if he doesn't I wouldn't worry about it too much. Like you said, you are much closer to your mom so it should be her opinion that means more to you. As long as she is comfortable with going and the rest of your dad's family isn't too opposed it should be all right. Also, when your mom is there, make sure she and your dad spend as little time together as possible. Maybe set up a lunch date with your dad, just you and him so that he doesn't feel like your mom is stealing all the time he has to spend with you. I hope this helps. Good luck!!!
2006-08-15 09:54:16 · answer #3 · answered by Kitkat Bar 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like Dad has issues. Since you have not seen your dad only three times in ten years , than I guess you will not be losing anything from him that he has not already let go. I would take my mom and if there is to much fusing going on you and she exit together from the scene. She will be there when you need her and always. Do not try to force them on each other and ask your mom not to go out of her way to speak to your step dad. Let sleeping dogs lie.
2006-08-15 09:58:21 · answer #4 · answered by shortansassy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Though he is shaken emotionally I am sure, I am also sure that your Mom wants to do the right thing in paying her respects. I dealt with a similiar situation years ago and here is how I resolved it. I told the person who didn't want another attending they had two choices. They could buckle up, act like an adult, and be appreciative of this persons wanting to pay their respects. Or they could continue acting negatively during this event and alienate everyone who was merely trying to be supportive. In the short run you may hate it, but in the years to come you will appreciate the positive nature of the other persons actions.
I do wish you luck and I will pray for the soul of your loved one.
2006-08-15 09:55:22 · answer #5 · answered by raiderking69 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's nothing wrong with it. At least your mom knows how to pay respect for your grandfather eventhough your parents are divorce. Besides, she's going for your grandfather and support you as well and not for your dad.
2006-08-15 10:02:56 · answer #6 · answered by denathene 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not wrong at all especially if they had a good relationship with each other. And no matter what the relationship is with your mom and the other family members a funeral is a time for everyone to put their feelings aside and pay respect for your grandfather. I'm sorry that your dad did that to you hopefully he can grow up and put his feelings aside at least during the funeral. I'm sorry for your loss.
2006-08-15 09:56:50 · answer #7 · answered by ♥ to ...... 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think there is a problem with your mom going. After all, you are all family even though there was a divorce. Tell your dad that there is nothing wrong with someone wanting to pay their respects to someone who was once a family member. Go with your mom and don't let your dad's drama make it difficult.
2006-08-15 09:50:49 · answer #8 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nothing is wrong with her going at all. Just because she and your dad are divorced doesn't mean she can't still care about her ex-in-laws. She didn't divorce them! And yes, you could use her support. Your dad just needs to grow up and get over it.
2006-08-15 09:58:01 · answer #9 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what your dad is upset. If it means allot for your mom to come let her come. Besides your grandfather only dies once and she wants to pay her respects. It doesn't matter what happened with your dad and mom divorcing its about your grandfather no one else.
2006-08-15 09:50:48 · answer #10 · answered by girl176a1 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you're ex is all forms of incorrect in this one. upward push up for your self. You incredibly are going, and how dare your companion supply you any lip in any respect, exceedingly while you're grieving. Make a great deal approximately how this tutor of coldhardedness, and utter loss of logic, reason and help at this manner of unhappy time is making you spot them in a clean and intensely grotesque easy, and doubtless the courting could end in the event that they care no longer something to your emotions or for what's nice for you.
2016-11-04 21:15:25 · answer #11 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋