My mom is so freakin sexist. She always complain that I never clean the house or cook. But I cook rice, wash the dishes, do the laundry, etc. She says that she can't trust me to live by myself b/c i dont know how to do anything and am immature. But my brother who's 1 yr older doesn't do anything. Seriously he sits at home and play games or go out. Im the one that do all the chores and my mom says IM immature and dont do anything and cant take care of myself. HELLO!!! What about my brother who doesnt do jack ****???? She says he is mature enough to live by himself. So I can cook and do laundry yet im immature but my brother doesnt do anything is mature enough to live by himself? yeah makes sense. And when I tell her she cut me off saying "'dont talk about your brother. hes a boy."' To me im more ''grown up'' than my brother will ever be.
2006-08-15 09:30:52 · 17 answers · asked by Trinity 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Turn 18 and move out.
2006-08-15 09:34:52 · answer #1 · answered by Miss Anthrope 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yep, it sounds like you mom has a double standard when it comes to her expectations between a daughter and a son. It is pretty common and stems from her own childhood and how she knows things to be. I am not saying it is right, but I can tell you that if you act in a big snit and talk to your mom with an attitude about this stuff, she will only tune you out and you will become more and more frustrated with it. Try asking her to sit down and have a calm rational conversation about your feelings around this. Don't be judgemental, just state the facts (come prepared with a list of things you want to point out) and don't get upset and emotional if possible. You might find that she will listen to your issues with a more open attitude and even agree with you and be willing to work out a change that would make you both easier to get along with. This will also prove that you are not immature and are learning to deal with conflict in a more adult way and are willing to come to a compromise to find a workable solution. That is part of growing up - good luck!
2006-08-15 09:40:23 · answer #2 · answered by joandi_99 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a difficult situation. Sadly, there are still quite many parents who are in favour of gender-specific upbringing. When I was younger I was in a similar, although not that extreme, situation. My brother was never expected to do anything. In the long run, you're the luckier one since you will have no difficulties once you move out. I'm not sure if the same can be said about your brother.
What to do? I don't think you can change a whole lot about this situation. Your mother probably won't see her mistakes, and even if she does it will be hard for her to change things now. I suggest that you try to talk to her. Talk to her calmly, don't freak out - or try not to. Show her that you are mature and that this matter has significance to you. She may not change her ways, but maybe you'll manage to open her eyes a little. Tell her that she isn't doing your brother a favour by treating him differently. He will have problems later on, probably also with his partner since he will expect her to treat him like a pasha as well. There are quite a few women who have problems with their partners due to the fact that their mother messed up.
2006-08-15 09:40:19 · answer #3 · answered by Adrienne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to move out as quickly as possible (assuming you're no longer a minor). I got a full ride scholarship, and left as soon as they rang the university bells. LOL. The peace and joy have gotten over the last sixteen years only seeing my dad (who is the most sexist of the two) on the holidays and occasional "pop-by" is indescribable! She will probably say you can't take care of yoursel even after you move and DO take care of yourself just fine and have been doing so for several years. But again, the glory of having your own place is that you get to leave whenever you want and you can happily ignore what she says because you'll only hear it a few times a year instead of constantly every day.
2006-08-15 09:44:18 · answer #4 · answered by EmpressGrey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's very protective of you because you're female.
Learn all your homemaking skills, cooking skills, learn to use the lawnmower & the weedwhip, change the oil in your car, etc.
Basically gain all of these skills while you have the chance to do it right now at home. Then when you turn 18 you'll be able to support yourself all by yourself & can move out on your own.'
Unfortunately, it still is a man's world & a female has to try twice as hard as a male to get anywhere in life. Go for it.
Stop worrying about your brother. He'll soon find out that he hasn't learned the same basic skills that you have & won't be able to manage on his own.
Best of luck!
2006-08-15 09:40:01 · answer #5 · answered by Bluealt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really, there is little you can do, she is the mom!
You are correct, her attitdues are sexist, but your brother is the one who will suffer in the end. He will have to learn about laundry and cooking on his own, which is harder than having someone guide you.
I say, learn all you can and when you can support yourself, get out of there!!!
2006-08-15 09:37:51 · answer #6 · answered by TriniGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really isn't much you can do.
Just keep being responsible. Do your chores and work (and perhaps his too) and try to stay on her good side.
If you can, sit down with her and tell her how you feel. I know how impossible it can be to explain things to my parents; so really just try your best.
I don't know how old you are (but you do seem to be a mature young adult), perhaps you'll be able to move out in a few years.
All you can do is tough it out, and promise never to treat you kids differently.
2006-08-15 09:39:32 · answer #7 · answered by kungfu_fishie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way to get her back is to prove her wrong. When you are older and have a good job, move out and show her that you could live by yourself.
2006-08-15 09:38:38 · answer #8 · answered by baby_luv 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're as 'grown up' as you think you are. If you were you wouldn't be whining about how immature you're treated, but rather proving how mature you are.. Not to us, to your mother. Whining and complaining is not a mature trait. Do what you are supposed to to, before you're told. Don't worry about your brothers lazy attitude toward life.
2006-08-15 09:39:29 · answer #9 · answered by tcindie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
so why exactly are you trying to get your mothers approval to live on your own, unless you are 18..have a job and can support yourself you shouldn't move out, if you believe you are stable enough to moved and are financially able then do so, what your mother thinks will soon be the least of your worries.
2006-08-15 09:36:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋