He is an adult and does not have any college education and he worked a while and got laid off. That was two years ago, since then he has worked a couple months in retail, got drunk and went on probation and then into treatment. Now he is sitting in the basement most days doing not much. He does not make his car payments so I pay them and his insurance on the car and I buy his cigarettes. Does this sound insane? How did this happen? I give him job leads but he never gets anything.
2006-08-15 09:07:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
you are enabling him ... stop buying his smokes, sell the car, send him a message
2006-08-15 09:17:31 · answer #1 · answered by Shrek'shandsomeidenticaltwin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're his enabler. Stop paying the car, the insurance and especially the cigarettes. If you can't bring yourself to do that at least cut out the cigarettes. Is he still on probation? Having a job is a condition of probation. My son had a warrant out on him so he said he couldn't go to work cuz they'd track him down that way. One of the hardest things I've ever done was call the warrant officer and tell them he was upstairs asleep. They came and got him. I forget what it was for but he took the Community Service they offered and 3 days later he had a job. It was slinging hamburgers but it was a job. He thanked me later.
2006-08-15 16:28:30 · answer #2 · answered by blustang04 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How did this happen, you wonder. Blame yourself, if my mom paid for everything I wanted I probably wouldn't leave the house either. If he wants a car make him pay for it, same for cigarettes or anything else. He's an adult, stop babying him. The only solution I can think of is to tell him that you won't pay his bills anymore and that he needs to grow up and take responsibility.
2006-08-15 16:16:33 · answer #3 · answered by wtf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's harsh but kick him out of your house. He doesn't need college education to get a job. It's ridiculous that you're still paying for his cigarettes and making his car payments. This will only delay him getting a job. Being a mother myself, I know it's very hard thing to do but he needs to get his act together as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for him to get another job. Good luck !!
2006-08-15 16:17:46 · answer #4 · answered by jojo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called tough love buddy. I have a brother who lived at home with my mother is entire life, now she's dead and guess where my brother most likely is? Thats right, on the streets. Ever hear of the term co dependent? You're doing you're good for nothing son absolutely no favors by being soft hearted and letting him stay in you're basement. Tell him to get a job, or else his *** is kicked to the curb pronto!
2006-08-15 16:15:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why on earth would he leave...I mean, come on...he is living the sweet life. No bills, no responsibilities....and he still gets what he wants and needs. Sometimes tough love is the only solution. By letting him stay...you are retarding him. Do you really want to be responsible for that. Make him leave!!!! He will be better off in the long run and so will you.
2006-08-15 16:29:40 · answer #6 · answered by ms_magi1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop supporting him- you are enabling this behavior. Give him food and shelter only. Do not pay for car or give him spending money. He will either shape up or ship out. If he chooses ship out then there is not much you can do for him.
2006-08-15 16:14:34 · answer #7 · answered by korbbec 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
kick him out...you raised him to your abilities and its time he turn into an adult...the longer you let him live in your basement the worse he'll get...stop paying his way...he has to make his own decisions...a parent can only do so much...unless you want to take care of a child the rest of your life
2006-08-15 16:13:26 · answer #8 · answered by rainprincess0820 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum and if it does not improve then kick him out.You won't regret it.
Or send him in to the Armed Forces
2006-08-15 16:15:21 · answer #9 · answered by Joe P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Throw him out.He'll never be resposible if someone else is supporting him.Or atleast theaten to throw him out.
2006-08-15 16:13:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋