My b/f's son was with us this past week, and my b/f was upset with me for asking his son to chew with his mouth closed 3 times in an entire week. He, however, didn't even acknowledge that was happening, and therefore didn't say anything to him. His son also would push on my seat when we rode 9 hours in the car, and I asked him to stop, again, another thing that my b/f got upset with me about. His reasoning is that kids are kids and you have to have patience with this stuf, and you can't ride them because it will make them hate you... but where do you draw the line? What is the right thing to do? Why?
His son is 9.
2006-08-15 08:56:53 · 21 answers · asked by a_cubed24 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
This is my boy friend, not best friend. I did ask him to change in polite ways, never overbearing.
2006-08-15 09:19:55 · update #1
I think you asked entirely the wrong question. I think you should have asked if your parenting styles are reasonably compatible enough for you to continue your relationship, or ask if you should negotiate guidelines that will enable the three of you to be a set piece. Asking what the correct parenting approach to take means nothing if the two of you cannot mutually agree and accept what is tolerable and reasonable. Talk to him, now, and seriously. Accept that if your boyfriend draws his line and you draw your line and both lines are too far apart from one another the relationship between the three of you is doomed to a ton of pain and angst. The number of relationships that have collapsed because one partner could not deal with or accept the attitude of the birth parent to their child are legion and would fill an encyclopaedia.
2006-08-15 09:51:12 · answer #1 · answered by John M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend needs to understand that you do have some sort of say so with his son, IF your relationship is headed down the path towards a family (you, him and his son). I would have said something to the kid when he was kicking my seat too. LOL, you should have driven the rest of the way and let your boyfriend sit in your seat see how he would have liked that for 9 hours!! Sorry, anyways ask him if the tables were turned what would he say? How would he act and how would he feel if you were acting like him. Your boyfriend need to sit down with his son and have a talk about when people say to stop doing something that is not nice he should stop. Hope that helps.
2006-08-15 09:33:29 · answer #2 · answered by comeanddance83 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His son is old enough to know what he is doing, and what he is doing is trying to push your buttons to get you angry and play you off of your boyfriend. You and the boyfriend need to have a private 1:1 conversation about how the two of you will discipline his kid when you are together. This will include the basic respect that you expect from both the kid and your b/f. If that can not happen, then call it quits right now, because this will be a no win situation for you.
2006-08-15 09:03:32 · answer #3 · answered by Mercedes M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, do you really want this guy as a boyfriend? The way he's raising his kid is a huge clue as to how he's try to raise any kid ya'll might have. I'm totally on your side. Kids need rules and they need to respect others. My 4 year old chews with her mouth shut. Matter of fact, when my kids turn two, we teach them to hold their finger over their mouth while chewing until they chew with their mouth shut. Its a nasty habit and it exceedingly poor manners. About the seat, I'd say something too! Next time, tell him to push his Dad's seat instead of yours, because you don't appreciate it. Until a kid has rules that have been tested and held up, they'll keep trying the boundaries. Sounds like both his parents are too lenient with them. Out of all my parents, my step Mom was the only one who laid out ground rules and stuck to them. As an adult, I love and respect her that much more for the house rules she had. I have alot of bad habits broken by her, even if I hated it at the time.
2006-08-15 09:08:15 · answer #4 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough question. Everyone has their own approach. I don't think you did anything wrong by asking the boy to stop kicking your seat. That would drive me nuts. Your bf might not realize what h is doing or maybe is a little embarrassed and doesn't know what to do. He might feel like he is being judged by you on how to raise a child. He's right that kids will be kids and that you need to have patience with them. But you need to have patience for them to make mistakes and help them learn from it. If you tell him to stop kicking your seat you need to explain why your asking him to stop. you can say "can you please stop kicking the seat it hurts my back" that way they maybe can understand why what they were doing is wrong. But if the problem lies more in your b/f then you need to talk to him in a way that don't make it look like you are criticizing his parenting skills. He might be learning himself and doing the best he can.
2006-08-15 09:06:36 · answer #5 · answered by AB11 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of the things his son did are NORMAL! I have an 8 year old I have to ask her constantly to not kick the chair in front of her at the movies and to chew with her mouth closed. Bottom line is unless he is doing something dangerous or is being outright rude on purpose, you have no right to correct him. If he will get hurt as a result of his actions or hurt someone else then you can chime in, leave the little stuff to his parents.
2006-08-15 09:04:15 · answer #6 · answered by rye252000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with asking a 9 year old to quit pushing on the back of your seat, he is perfectly capable of controling himself and knows better. As for the chewing...I hate that too but that IS a habit thats hard to break. Although I don't think asking him 3 times in a week is excessive. Gentle reminders is what its going to take.
2006-08-15 09:08:01 · answer #7 · answered by auntbranna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"His reasoning is that kids are kids and you have to have patience with this stuf, and you can't ride them because it will make them hate you.."
That's the biggest pile of nonsensical B/S I've seen in the past 20 years. I EFFING HATE THAT APPROACH!!!! Kids have to be trained to be polite and listen to their parents and adults. This just doesn't happen by chance!!!!! What happens when that little brat is a teen ager? I tell you what, he does whatever the hel1 he wants to do, that's what.
Your b/f erred when he did not reinforce your authority. He's a horrible parent, lose him now or you'll end up with a brat like that one. The other wife left him for a reason you know......
2006-08-15 10:30:33 · answer #8 · answered by Manny 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right to speak up. Some people just let their kids run over them from day 1, and what fine adults do they think they are going to be? Usually, they turn out to be worthless punks! You do have to excercise patience, but that means correcting him in a calm, polite way, NOT ignoring the problem and letting the kid be in control all the time! I'm sorry to tell you, but if your bf and you do not see eye to eye on this type of situation, you have a rocky road ahead of you!! You need to keep your cool at all times, but do let your bf know he can let his child run over him if he wants, but you will not allow it, now or ever!! The child will eventually learn this, too. They know who will take their crap, and who won't and they learn to behave accordingly.
2006-08-15 09:09:47 · answer #9 · answered by Jenintn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i personally as a mother would have done the same thing with my son chewing with mouth open is disgusting and kicking the seat is a big no no if you are gonna be part of his life his kids are gonna have to listen to you as well he should not get mad at you cause you are trying if you don't they will walk all over you you do need patience but as well as discipline
2006-08-15 09:05:10 · answer #10 · answered by sandilou23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋