I realize something now that I didn't before that has effected my teenage years. Am I doing the right thing?

Question

I am 19. When I was in high school, my parents constantly made me study, complained that my cousins made better grades & that I should be exactly like them. Then I knew that my parents were always comparing me with my cousins, but I didn’t realize that they were making me study because of my cousins. I feel that it is so UNFAIR. If they were never forced to do anything because of me, why should I be forced to do something because of them? Also, I feel that if my parents force me to study all because of my cousins, it is my cousins’ responsibility to tell my parents to stop forcing me to study because my cousins cause the problem.

I made a choice to never speak to them again. Yesterday they were at my house, they said hi to me & I told them to shut up. They said hi again. I yell & threw a chair at them. I should have done that in high school. Since I didn't, now I am doing it to make up for back then. Did I did the right thing? Why?

Answer 1

I hate to say this but no. your parents just pushed you too hard. You cant blame your cousins for being smart.They arent the ones pushing you, your paretns are. But dont go yelling at your parents either. Talk it out and discuss your feelings. Maybe they'll apologize for their lack of better judgement

Answer 2

Honestly, that seemed a little immature for a 19 year old. Your cousins probably don't even know why you did it and now you look like you have some chemical imbalance or mental problem. Don't worry, we all have episodes like that, just don't do it again.

Your parents want you to study because they don't want you to end up at a dead end job with no education for a great career and a quality life.

Would you rather your parents not care about your education and let you be irresponsible with your life?

You will be on your own before you know it and the decisions you make now will effect the rest of your life. Your parents are just trying to do what's best for you, maybe they aren't going about it the best way but at least they are trying. My parents never pushed me or cared if I studied or not. I could have gone so much farther in life if I had been pushed and encouraged by my parents.

Good luck!

Answer 3

You are obviously a very immature 19. Throwing a chair at your family members? Gee whiz, you deserve a spanking for that one. It sounds like you're just a lot spoiled, and you really don't want to take responsibilitiy for your actions, because in your mind, it's easier to let your cousins tell your parents how to run your life. Seriously, you need to grow up a little bit. Wait, a lot. Also, you could use a major attitude adjustment, as well as a few counseling sessions. If you were my kid, I probably would have had you sent off to the Marines when you were young enough for me to do so. Go do some growing up, everyone around you will be much happier.

Answer 4

I can understand you feeling angry about this, but to be honest, I think your reaction is a little over the top. You weren't forced to do anything terrible, and hopefully all that study has given you a good education. Parents naturally want their children to achieve as much as they can to get a good start in life. This would have been the case for you - cousins or no cousins. At the risk of having a chair thrown at me over the internet, I suggest you forgive your parents, say sorry for yelling at them, and give them a hug. We only get one set of parents, and we need to take care of them! If you find this deep seated anger making you lose control of yourself again I think you woud be wise to see your doctor - there may be another deeper reason for it which needs treatment. Good luck.

Answer 5

it is not ur cousins' fault that ur parents are constantly comparing u to them. u were wrong in taking it out on them--- at least i hope u were talking about ur cousins and not ur parents; and if it was ur parents then that was just plain wrong. u should talk to ur parents about how much it bothers u that they keep comparing u to them. tell them u would appreciate it if they stopped because u're not their clone. tell them u're doing the best u can and that's all that can be expected of u. u sound like u might benefit from either indiv therapy or fam. therapy; possibly both. u're parents shouldn't do this comparing u w/ others thing cause it gives u a low self-esteem. u shouldn't be throwing chairs at ppl either cause that's physically assaulting them and they could get u arrested if they chose. get counseling asap.

Answer 6

Grow up.
You'd think at 19 you have the sense to be a bit more mature.
How exactly are your cousins responsible for what your parents do?
I was excessively pushed by my parents as well but I just got on with life.
I suggest you do the same.

Answer 7

no, in the broad spectrum of things studying is not a bad thing. It doesn't hurt you, it helps you. It's not like you were abused. The only thing your parents did wrong was compare you to your cousins. They should accept you for who you are. You should talk with them about how it made you feel. It's not your cousins fault, your parents chose to do things this way, not them. Don't be so angry. life's too short.

Answer 8

No. You can't blame your parents trying to help you on your cousins. Geez. They wanted you to study and get good grades because they want you to be able to make something out of your life. Not just be a burger flipper at McDonald's. Personally, I think it sounds like you need some psycho-analysis or anger management classes. Hitler used scapegoats.

Answer 9

Why are you throwing things at your cousins? Did they ask your parents to compare you to them?

Besides, studying hard never killed anyone and will probably ultimately help you.

Sounds like someone owes someone else an apology.

Answer 10

ummmm....grow up...wrong thing to do...these are the people that fed and clothed you. They probably wanted you to realize you needed to study to get somewhere in life...your cousins were just an example. I do hope you apologize:)