help on sexual abuse when i was 8 by 38 year old male?

Question

i need help now i dont like asking for help but when i was 8 i was sexually abused by my older brother i did not say anything at the time because he told me my mum and dad would say i was lieing and would send me back to boarding school which i hated ahd he knew it i have kept this quiet for 30 years but now its beeen tearing me apart for the last twelve months and my family i told my wife i was sexually abused but not to the full extent because i feel so ashmaed of what happened to me i live in south yorkshire so if anyone knows where i can get help please help me

Answer 1

Hello, firstly I am SO sorry to hear about your experience. It is something where no one can understand how you must feel, as it is hard to put emotions like that into words.

I would say, the Samaritons... http://www.samaritans.org/
Or you can call and speak with someone: 08457 90 90 90 (for the cost of a local call).

There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, you really need to get these feelings out, and you will feel so much better for it.

With regards to your older brother, it depends how you feel about him now? Have you forgiven him, do you want some kind of punishment for him? ....citizens advice bureau may also be able to help, although they will only advise on the legal side of things (not the sensitive side, someone to talk to).

The website link is here: http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
If you wanted to have a browse, as there is alot of information you can extract, just from the site. Or locate your local office, where you can pop in and have a chat.

I'm sure he can be prosecuted for what he did, even today, if you wanted justice, and felt the need to goto the police.

All the best in your life, and enjoy it in the best way that you can!

Answer 2

Dear Paul
If I read this right your brother must be 68 years old now and you are 38,
your parents are a lot older and
maybe the only real release you can get in this situation is to confront your brother ( if you feel up to it) tell him how it has played on your mind all this time and tell him how you feel.
The best you can hope for, maybe,,, an appology.
Which may be better then going through court and not getting one.
You know he was wrong and he had no right to do what he did.
But at the end of the day the deed was done and can not be taken back
It sounds silly but try shouting, hitting, expressing your emotions at full pelt to a inanimate object like a cushion in a chair.
you really need to get this off your chest in a safe way.
Good luck

Answer 3

Paul, know this you are not alone. I was sexually abused by a group of males when I was 8. I am now 48 and to this day, I have not shared this with anyone. For a long time I pretended it never really happen, but it really has undermined my life and ability to have friends and lovers. I commend you for coming forward and looking for help. There are support groups on line if that helps you.. http://www.sssalas.com/EmotionalHealing.html and it isn't necessary to go into the details with your wife, but finding a good therapist my help along with support and when you feel ashamed, find some supportive statements that you believe that help counter act those feelings. Because there is no reason to be ashamed. You were taken advantage of and before that you were innocent. You were too young to know what is best for you and your body. An adult who you trusted betrayed you. I wish you luck and speed in finding the support and healing that you deserve.

Answer 4

You don't seem to have the habit to use fullstop(.)

Its seems you where not mentally and emotionally close enough to your family so you didn't have the courage to tell them about this issue. Your parents seem to have been strict people and maybe if they weren't so harsh and have been emotionally more close to your older brother he wouldn't have turned into an abusive person. I'm not saying it was entirely your parents fault but they were the most influencial people to you AND your brother than anyone else. However, they are also not to be blamed. They didn't know.

You where the one who was torchered because of other peoples lack of knowledge and understanding but instead I am sure you have learnt a lot from going through this. I am sorry but there isn't much I can help on this but you can try to pinpoint it and find the necessary solution.

Best wishes

Answer 5

The fact that you have acknowledged that you need help is the first step on a difficult but ultimately very rewarding journey. Admitting you need help is very very hard, but you are telling the world ... well done. That took a lot of courage, it's a huge step in the right direction.

I've read other people's answers and really I can't better them, they have all good advice for you. Follow where it takes you, because you need professional help. I think your doctor would be a good place to start, as he/she would know who to refer you to, and has probably helped other who have undergone similar experiences.

The predator who abuses children is working on their guilt and their shame to make them keep quiet, that's his silent, secret weapon that tears up his victims inside long after the actual crime, makes them doubt themselves for years and years. Your urge to tell someone and help yourself is overcoming this awful emotion, and for you this is a good thing - but not an easy thing. But I think you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in having lived through this experience. You will not regret continuing on this journey, and once you take the step you'll have the support you need. I think you might also be surprised at your family's reaction too - it may be that your brother abused other family members, and left them feeling ashamed, disgusted with themselves, and alone.

Courage ....:-)

Answer 6

you can contact your police department as they will have a family protection unit, but if thats not what you want to do then you can call victim support in your area, they are people who have either been in the same position or who have dealt with your situation before. It's really important that you go and see someone as soon as possible as it is affecting other aspects of your life and it is not your fault. The other thing I can think of off hand is to see you GP and ask for a referral to a Psychiatrist or a counsellor and remember it is confidential. Time to take back control of your life and get some help to sort it

Answer 7

First of all i think you should tell your wife the whole story,you have not-thing to be ashamed about, you are a very strong person to be able to keep this quiet for so long but you must remember that you are not the guilty person here,what your brother did to you was wrong he is the guilty one,i am from Ireland so i wouldn't know of any places in you area but all i can say is contact your local rape crises centre, Samaritans.you need to talk to some one you don't have to live like this.hope i have helped in some way be strong my friend.

Answer 8

my heart goes out to you, i found this site, they will not judge you. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME, there was one adult in this and he should be the one taking the blame, guilt and dishonour not you. Rape Crisis have offices all over the country and in Europe and they are never more than a phone call away. I really hope you find help, and in time come to terms with what happened. PS it does not matter how long ago this happened they will always listen to you. Good Luck.
Male sexual assault - Rape Crisis Information Pathfinder
Male sexual assault survivor resources. Many men have been sexually assaulted. You are not alone. Please seek support. Society is becoming increasingly aware of male rape. ... Rape crisis counselors estimate that while only one in 50 raped women report the crime to the police, the rates of under-reporting among men ...www.ibiblio.org/rcip/male.html

Answer 9

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Answer 10

A friend of mine was in the same situation as you. He went to see his GP recently and told him just some of it. The GP referred him to a councillor who he is still seeing. He is finding it very difficult at the moment facing all sorts of demons, however he could not continue as he was. The councillor is very experienced and my friend feels he can talk to him. It is a couple of weeks since he started the counselling and he knows it may be months before he benefits from it, but he will in time.