How to deal with a moody man???

Question

I thought I was high maintenance...my fiance is something else sometimes...he acts so immature about the smallest arguments, I can't hardly talk to him about anything without him flipping out...and he's the one who turns them into arguments...i don't understand why he's like this and its can be pretty bad when he has his son....i don't know what to do....i don't want to be in this kind of relationship but i want him....i don't know how else to address the problem, i've tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't seem to get it...he's says i'm the one causing the problems when he's the one yelling and arguing with me!!! the only thing that works is when i baby him, that's the only way to calm him down, but it pisses me off that i have to do that everytime...its not very fair to me...any advice???

Answer 1

Get a friend of his, or someone he respects, to observe and give their opinion to you guys. Maybe that will help him realize what he has become.

Answer 2

As long as it dosen't become violent ,and you do know the way to calm him down,it's fine after all arguments are normal. Try to find a diferent approach to the way you handle talking to him.Think about things before you talk to him,and decide wether or not what you want to say will lead to an argument. You proubably already know what ticks him off ,so choose your words carefully. He sounds like he might have an anger issue I recommend therapy,but if that dosn' work you need to rethink whether or not you schould stay in a disfunctional relationship or not. although babying him sounds kind of kinky ,hmmmm .

Answer 3

having kids is a big responiblity ok and if his baby's moma is not helpin him releave the stress on his back by doing her part it is going to be stressful so just put your self in his shoes. and be more patient with him. Maybe you should suggest he go get some counseling. When he throws his fits like a child tell u what you should do ignor him and leave the house. tell him to grow up. in a nice way. Call him some help. Next thing is not to deal with it at all. Break off the engagement. Walk away for good. Find some one else if nothing else works. cause it can become violent

Answer 4

I had a friend who hooked up with a boyfriend like that. At first I thought he was a great guy because I didn't see him much, but a couple of months ago I went on a trip with her, her boyfriend and a mutual friend (mine and the girl's). On the way home, me and the second girl decided to take the train back instead of driving back with them because we just couldn't stand to be around him anymore. He caused a scene at the hotel when he didn't like his room and he kept on bugging the receptionist about it throughtout our trip, even though it was at no point her fault. He'd get angry with what I'd do and things the other girl did. He used my opinions as ammunition to get his way with his girlfriend even though I've known her longer than he has.

When the girl and I left them, we basically left her for dead. We couldn't understand why she tolerated a man like him and we decided we don't want to do stuff with her anymore because doing things (work contracts, going out) with her would mean he would come along as well and we just didn't have the desire to put up with him. Their relationship really destroyed our opinion of our friend because she seemed to really love hime and expected to get married to him.

Down to the advice, you really have to look at the situation long and hard. Try to discover what parts of him you really like and which ones you don't. Make sure that if you chose to marry him, you are chosing to marry him as he is, all of him. Not some dream version of him, or the way he is on a nice sunday morning. Don't do it if having to baby him is something you really don't want to do. Because if you marry, a day may come when you've just had enough, and that will be the end.

Answer 5

You need to step back, take a look at this question, and do some serious reconsidering of where your life is going. This is NOT going to go away, and it will get considerably worse. Your fiancee' is practicing mild control of you, and it will deepen. IF this is the kind of life you want, then by all means proceed. IF this is the kind of life that will turn you very bitter and fill you with hate down the road, why wait? Leave now. My advice is to leave now, cause this one is NOT going to work out well for you...You know it, I know it. Good luck

Answer 6

Sounds like one for jerry to me. No seriously if you cant talk about it like grown up adults then is it realy worth it you mention somthing about him having a son well it cant be a good example for them either maybe you should try having a conversation about it when there isnt a heated debate going on. In doing this maybe you will get a chance to lay your cards on the table and get a decent answer just keep in mind maybe he has some underlying issues at the moment that he is carrying but not sharing with you.

Answer 7

You "baby him"...that is so cute! no really...I had a partner once who needed the same kind of treatment.
If you really want to fix the problem , next time he starts throwing a fit..just walk out of the room if he follows you leave. When you come back and he asks why you left tell him that you are no longer going to let him talk to you that way and that he needs to learn to discuss any issues/concerns like an adult.

Answer 8

Let me give you advice about men. A lot of times guys like to be babied because they might seem to be tough but when a women comes at him and nags him or attacks him he puts his shield up. But if you talk to him sweet and kind you get a lot more out of him. There is a book called the 5 Love Languages you need to check it out. its awesome if both of you could read it. it shows you were your love languages are and what matters to you the most in your relationship

Answer 9

This is how YOU deal with it: accept it.

You're engaged to this man and he is not going to change just because he says "I do". Trying to change someone is just going to get him back into a corner and he's going to become even more moody and sullen.

Once you've fully accepted how your future husband is going to be for the rest of your lives, it's going to make things a lot easier and cut down on many of the piddly 'nothing' fights that can sometimes plague otherwise mis-matched newlyweds.

Answer 10

"its not very fair to me"

I think you just answered your own question.

If you cannot communicate, treat him like an adult and be treated as an equal, you alone probably cannot fix this. It takes two. If he isn't going to consider your feelngs and work on this relationship as a partner, how is he going to handle being married? Seriously consider this before you take it to the next level. This person doesn't sound mature enough to handle his own issues, let alone a serious relationship.

Answer 11

YES! Don't marry him. He'll never change. Think hard about why you "want" someone like this. I guarantee he'll make you more miserable than you ever believed possible if you marry him! I'll only get worse! Read back over your own post, and try to find something in it that makes your relationship sound like a healthy, mature one. There's nothing there.