Vietnam Vets.....a question?

Question

I just finished reading the book "Nam". I couldn't put it down. My father-in-law fought, and I have heard some stories here and there, but very very little from him. The only stories he has told me were after he was back in the states, maybe after getting his Purple Heart, I'm not sure. Anyway, in your opinion is this something I can ask him questions about, or is just too much? I am very interested in Nam, and some time would like to try and find some of his buddies, but again, I don't know if that would be too much for him. What do you guys think, someone who has been in his shoes and can tell me honestly. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. Thanks!

Answer 1

as an associate member of the vietnam veterans of america i have had alot of experience dealing with vietnam veterans. They are a tough group to work with. Nothing against them, this is how they were made by their experience in country and what happened back in the world, as they would say, when they came home. While others will say i am an expert on the war, i never will, i have just spent the last 25 years of my life trying to learn what my father did on his 3 combat tours. The biggest thing i have found to help in getting veterans to open up is some knowledge. Have background knowledge about the war, what it was over what happened on an individual level to soldiers in the field. Start small, and build a relationship with them where they can trust you to open. Don't ever expect them to tell you everything, they wont. Many veterans have talked to me once they realize my knowledge base, but it has taken time. dont be discouraged. The best thing you can say to him even if he wont talk to you is 'welcome home' and 'thank you'. Most people dont realize the impact the vietnam veteran has had on this world. Without a long preaching sermon, those veterans that served, fought a massive super power, the soviet union, and defeated it, one of the strongest empires in the history of the world. What they did in Vietnam hurt the soviets more then anyone realized till the iron curtian collapsed and communism there died.

Answer 2

Talking to a Vietnam veteran about his/her experiences there can be challenging. The war was hell (as all wars are) and the veterans were and in many ways, remain unappreciated. There is no reason however, to not try and establish a dialogue with him concerning his experiences over there. Two tips - one, don't be disappointed or insulted if he doesn't want to talk about it and another, never judge what he may or may not have done over there - simply put, its not your place.

Oh...and unless he calls it 'Nam, refer to it as Vietnam....some of the vets get annoyed by this. Another book to check out would be "The Things They Carried" -- I cannot recall the author's name, but its a great book.

Answer 3

The veterans in my family (all infantry, Vietnam service) would not talk openly about their experiences until I had joined the service (also infantry) and did my first year in Iraq. Only then did we share enough common ground to talk. Slowly, but it was a start.

Be honest with your father-in-law. Everyone heals at his own pace. He may or may not be amenable to reopening those memories. Times like Veterans Day are good to broach the subject. If you have done your research and aren't asking blatantly insensitive questions such as "How many people did you kill?" or "How many of your friends died?" it shouldn't be an overly painful experience to get the story from him, at his own pace.

Approach the subject as you were an archivist. Be grateful for his service, and at the same time let him know that you're not trying to pry for vicarious thrills, but to honor his memory and perhaps pass it onto your children, his grandchildren. All the best to you.

Answer 4

I went through this same ordeal with My father,.. it's only been the last 10 years that he started at talk about it, alot of guys got their heads messed up, between what they saw over there,. and what they dealt with coming home. You can try to ask hime things about it,,. but don't push,. if you want to read a good story to get a soldier's persepective, read "the things they carried". be supportive, but try to not make an issue of it,.. if it's still a major issue for him,.. maybe you can research his outfit? or try to get him some help, there are alot of places to help vets, even if he goes to the VFW or american legion. Good Luck and God Bless!!!

Chris Z,.. I just saw that you have "the things they carried" listed also,..not copying,.. I have it on my bookshelf to this day,..

Answer 5

that's a hard one...my father told me a story once about after serving 2 tours of duty , he came home , stepped off the bus, and expected a "hero's welcome" . instead he was met with boo's and protesters.
he's since deceased and i wish i had talked to him more about his experiences. on the other hand,i know how he reacted when i did.i would probably try to ask casual questions and try to feel him out and proceed from there.
hope i helped.

Answer 6

I would say from personal experience that you can ask if he has delt with his personal demon then he should be honored that you want to learn but if he says to leave it be then that is what you should do

Answer 7

Ask your questions he will either answer them or he will not, The question may remind him of some thing but it should not be to harmful............

Answer 8

If you ask humbly I am sure he wouldn't mind discussing it... if you act like a Jacka** then you'll insult his intelligence and offend him....

Answer 9

His heart's purple? I think he's already hurting

Answer 10

find all the info you need online or in the library. leave him alone. he went through it once, no need to make him relive it again just to fulfill your curiosity