My step son is three and he is a cute kid. He doesn’t act up, he loves me to death, and he’s just a good boy. Unfortunately, I can’t help feeling things I know I shouldn’t.
I find myself feeling relieved at the end of the weekend when he has to go back to his mother. I find myself getting jealous because my husband shares this bond with his ex because they have a child together and I’m his wife and we don’t have one at the moment. I don’t want to be one of those horrible step moms that treats her step child worse than her own kids. So far I have kept my feelings to myself but still I know that I shouldn’t be having these feelings. I guess I’d just like to know that I’m not the only one that feels these things and just hear some of your stories. I know it isn’t my step son’s fault and he is just a child….
2006-08-15 06:49:25 · 14 answers · asked by estephania2182 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I don’t even know why I am feeling these things!! My husband almost NEVER talks to his ex, she never calls him, mostly because her son stays with her own mother more than he stays with her. She lives with her boyfriend and is pregnant with his baby. I’ve never had any drama with her. And to the person who asked why I got in this mess? Because I love him. I felt that it would be shallow and cold to pass on someone wonderful just because he has a child. It doesn’t always work that way.
2006-08-15 07:11:42 · update #1
Why would you marry into a situation like this? Try to get help before you say or do something you regret.
Thank you for not treating your step children badly that is more then i can say about some people on this site.
Good Luck
2006-08-15 21:20:17 · answer #1 · answered by outdoor man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the way you feel is very common. It's hard to love someone else's child the way you would love your own. A friend of mine married a man with a 3 year old son. She took care of him and told us how good he was and how much she loved him etc. until one day she lost her temper with me because of the attention I was giving him when I was visiting her. Then all those bottled up feelings came out. She told me how she felt jealous, and sometimes resentful, and guilty that she didn't really love him. Once she'd expressed her feelings she felt a little better. All I can say is this. You don't need to love him like he was your own. He already has a mother and a father. Accept that your feelings aren't as strong as you wish - that doesn't make you a bad person. Just continue to be kind to him, and treat him fairly. He will never need to know any different, and neither will your husband. You might find that with time, and when you stop being so hard on yourself, you grow to love him after all. I wish you the best.
2006-08-19 01:43:07 · answer #2 · answered by wondering 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are jealous and jealousy can cause all sorts of problems. Also, from what I gather you don't have children of your own and you either weren't ready for children which can make you a little resentful or you want a child and until you have the child you will feel that you are not connected to your husband. I think you are insecure of your relationship with your husband and that the ex is a threat to you.
The things that you feel are normal but you have to have a change of heart and look at this three year old like your own or you will never get past it. It would not be wise to share these feelings with your husband because it may drive a wedge between you and him.
Have a child if you are both ready. This may help things.
2006-08-15 06:58:22 · answer #3 · answered by rltouhe 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Knowing that how you feel is wrong is half the battle. Many people don't even realize it.
Since you have been able to confront your short comings, it is probably good to share them with your husband. He can help put you at ease about the situation (with the ex) and possibly help you try to bond with the child.
The root of it is probably more about the resentment you have with the ex. You are transferring your feelings from the ex to the child. If you can feel better about the ex situation, you should start to feel better about the child. Also the more time you spend with the boy is good.
2006-08-15 07:01:20 · answer #4 · answered by liz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a step son too, he's older though, but those feelings you have got nothing to do with a child. You're not really jealous of HIM, but the ex. Just give it time, try to be concious about it and try to feel secure in your relationship. Sure helps if you know that his ex remarried, is happy and doesn't want your husband back. If she's not there yet, just wait, it will get like that eventually.
2006-08-15 06:58:12 · answer #5 · answered by aaja 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My step daughter is 11 years old. I even have been together with her father because she replaced into 9 months old. i'm no longer able to have babies of my very own, so i've got faith that she is a very good blessing. i don't be conscious of what the secret's to being a solid step discern, yet I actually have a surprising courting with my step daughter. She is a extremely smart and smart youthful woman, and whilst we circulate out as a kin, I basically tell each and every physique that she is my daughter. If I have been ever to break up from her father, i could nonetheless proceed to have a courting together with her. i've got faith that she is my new child.
2016-09-29 07:24:52 · answer #6 · answered by laseter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're normal! I have kids of my own, but my fiance's daughter drives me insane. You know this is a you thing, not something the child is doing, hes not out to get you. You'll adjust, I hope, for all of our sakes. Things take time to adjust to and at least he's not a terror, Im starting to find out that future step-daughter who just turned 8 will come to me and ask for help talking to her parents, the most recent time was a discussion about school clothes, she doesn't like what mommy buys her, looks like now I have a new shopping buddy because her mom is thrilled with the idea of someone else trekking to the mall. Once you really bond with this little one you'll wonder how you ever lived without him!
2006-08-15 07:23:47 · answer #7 · answered by skylark455st2 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you and your husband have any children together? I never see my 2 step children, but they are coming to live with us in 1 month and I'm struggling. My husband talks to them and their mother everyday and that gets me jealous sometimes as well. I'm jealous of his bond with his ex wife and Even more jealous because we have no children to gether and I want that so badly. It's not his fault we don't have children though, I've been pregnant twice and lost both of them form miscarriage. My step children live in a different country and we couldn't get them visas but now they have them and they're coming here for 6 months.
2006-08-17 06:57:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is one of those times it's best to keep your own council. Keep it to yourself and get a grip. You made the decision to marry a man who came as a package deal. Love that little boy just because he's a little boy and the son of the man you love.
If you want a quick end of your relationship, start showing your colors of jealousy. The better and more loving you behave toward that little boy, the better it will reflect on you in your husband's eyes.
2006-08-15 06:57:02 · answer #9 · answered by auld mom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say very normal but few would admit it. There's no biological bond so the feelings are indeed different.
2006-08-15 07:30:53 · answer #10 · answered by Carp 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋