I have been with my boyfriend in a committed relationship for 6 years, all of a sudden he tells me he doesn't want to be in relationship, but he is still in love with me. He says he is experiencing depression and he is trying to block his feelings because he is tired of worrying about me. But when I start packing to leave he asks me not to go. I am confused. He told me that he is sorry for what he said and that he didn't mean it. Now I feel like I can't trust him with my feelings and that I should just leave and start over. But I do love him and I am in a kind of wait and see holding pattern. Should I leave or should I stay and give us a chance?
2006-08-15 06:40:55 · 17 answers · asked by Len 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Added details: He doesn't say why he worries about me, but in my opinion it is because...He was married for 15 years and found out his wife had been cheating on him for 2 years, He got a divorce and we met 6 months later. He works long hours and I think he thinks I get lonely when he is gone. I do miss him but I enjoy my time to myself I am a writer and use this time to work on my book. I am not a cheater and would not do that . He is not a cheater either and I respect that about him. I am the one that does not want to get married. I think he is depressed feeling vulnerable and worries that I will do the same thing his ex did. but I am not like her at all. We usually have a wonderful, relationship. I would not hurt him for the world and that is the one of the reasons I am giving our relationship a chance because I feel that someone should show him that there are people you can trust. As the days goes by he is opening up more and talking about his feelings. I do love him.
2006-08-15 07:16:16 · update #1
You have a whole lot more talking to do before leaving. He may have just hit a glitch in his life and you unfortunately were "in the way". Depression can do strange things to folks. I'd be a bit more patient with him before throwing away 6 committed years. You both love each other.....start working on his problems together. If you can't deal with it or this happens again, you might want to bail and give him room to breath. Best of luck!
2006-08-15 06:47:41 · answer #1 · answered by Justlookin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A friend of mine is going through this same crap. And I do mean crap. She has lost several friends over it. They got tired of her complaining about him and then staying with him. She is still there and they take one day at a time. She went back to school and got a job. Last time we talked she said their relationship was still very much up in the air...one day he wants her to go and the next he wants her to stay. I know I've seen him out without her several times but he wasn't doing anything to make me think he was cheating on her, so don't jump to that conclusion right off. He was married before and him and his ex divorced under mutual agreement with shared custody of his 12 year old daughter, which my friend gets along with great. You need to do what you feel is best for your mental state of mind because it's going to be a roller-coaster ride for your emotional stability, but if you think he's worth it hang in there.
2006-08-15 13:56:13 · answer #2 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are living together, one of you needs to move out. Sounds like both of you need time and space. Don't try to fix something when emotions are high but know that time will guide you and show you the answer. Just don't push it. After 6 years if this is where you are, it really does not look promising for much more.....this is probably as good as it will get.
2006-08-15 13:48:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, don't leave. But try to help him. If he's going through depression, and you love him and he loves you, then you need to help him through it. You've invested 6 years in this relationship, don't be quick to leave. I think there can be a chance, but he may need to see professional help or maybe all he needs is some good tlc but find out why he's depressed and get him un-depressed! You owe him that much.
2006-08-15 13:46:24 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could stay for a bit and see how things work out. Maybe he does have some issues with the way he feels. It would be good for you to stay and help him work things out. 6 years is way to much to throw away. If the love is there it will always work out in the end.
2006-08-15 13:48:56 · answer #5 · answered by OU812 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay,if he is willing to go get help for his depression. He is confused,that can happen when you're depressed. Why is he worried about you? If he does not get help with in a month,then leave.
2006-08-15 13:49:40 · answer #6 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to revive your relationship, your relationship is in a slump which is reflected in your boyfriend's behavior. This is a critical point in your relationship, please tread gentlely, not trusting him won't help. Listen to him and try to make him realize you love and what to be there for him but he needs to be ready to offer the same. I went through the same situation a while back, I was engaged to my girl of 5 years and when we hit the slump, we did not survive. I hope your case ends differently.
2006-08-15 13:49:17 · answer #7 · answered by wallyade 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it would be a good idea to suggest counceling for his depression and show him you care about him by going with him or atleast offering to. Talking it out would probably give you a clue as to what's worrying him and why he said what he said.
2006-08-15 13:55:34 · answer #8 · answered by greenejl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
6 years is a long time... is there a reason you aren't married? If it isn't going to go any father, then go. If you think it will, stay with him. No use wasting time with someone when it isn't going anywhere.
2006-08-15 13:47:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that man is currently going through some mental troubles...i think you should just tell him that your gonna give him some time alone (a couple of weeks or sumthin) and then come back and see how he's doin...good luck
2006-08-15 13:46:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋