Son With Vibrator??

Question

I asked this last night and was wondering what advice I could get from the day crowd?
I found a vibrator in my 13 year old son's closet...I'm not too sure what to do? He's home schooled and I'm not too sure where he got it from. I feel like I should talk to him about it...kind of make it a bonding experince. His father died 2 years ago and he's been acting diffrently since. I just want him to be happy but I don't know what to do? Please help and be serious I need your help!?

17 hours ago
I am homeschooling my son because he used to go to catholic school...which provided a very good education. When his father died I couldn't afford for him to go to private school anymore. So I decided to homeschool him. The public schools in the area are not very good...but he is still involved in sports and normal activities. He is a very well-adjusted young man.

Answer 1

If you're the sort of parent who thinks that your son should be able to experiment harmlessly with his sexuality, then let it go. An attempt at conversation would only embarrass him, and would probably fill him with resentment and alienation. The fact that you were snooping would create problems of that kind all on its own.

If you're the sort of parent who thinks that your son should be subject to a more prudish set of values, then simply remove the vibrator from the closet and dispose of it. He will probably get the message without having to feel totally awkward during a confrontation.

Also, as someone else mentioned, it could be that he wound up with the vibrator through some prank or gag gift, and he may not even really know what it could be used for. A confrontation, again, would embarrass him, and regardless of his motives, he'd be likely to try to explain away his possession of the thing one way or another, without mentioning any interest in sex.

Apart from the vibrator situation, it's not a bad idea to try to have a separate talk about sex with your son, but at this point he probably already knows much more than you think he does. You may just want to casually let him know that if he has any questions, he can ask you, or he can access a particular reference book (which you will have purchased) somewhere in the house which he can read in order to answer questions.

Answer 2

As stated above, your son is probably just experimenting with sexual feelings right now. At his age, I'm sure it's very difficult for him to go to his mother about such feelings as well. I would definitely be curious as to where he got the vibrator from. If possible, have another positive male role model in his life talk to him about such issues. But I would not confront him yourself unless absolutely necessary. Also, I don't know if I would bring up the fact that you were "snooping" (even though I'm sure that wasn't your intention) through his closet and found the vibrator. This is going to make him feel like he can't trust you and he doesn't have any private space of his own. There are some things he's going to need to keep to himself, and that's alright. It's just difficult, I know, as parents to let our children keep secrets from us. But, it's something we have to learn to accept! Good luck!

Answer 3

First, good for you for being involved in your son's life! Homeschooling - in my opinion - provides a parent-child interaction that most families miss out on, especially in their teen years!

With that said, and hoping you have an open relationship with your young man, I would recommend that you first DON'T freak out. It could be he's just curious, or in typical boy-fashion, one of his teammates gave it to him as a joke & he didn't know what to do with it so stuck in his closet.

Assuming he IS interested in it sexually, there's really nothing wrong with sexual experimentation at his age. Please don't turn into a prude and get all uptight because you found out your son's masterbating! That is SO detrimental to a kid's self-esteem to be told his body is dirty.
That being said, you may want to gently bring the subject up, and say, "Son, I found thing 'thing' in your closet, and I'm not mad, but I don't feel it's appropriate for you to have it. I would like it to be disposed of. If you have ANY questions about sex, please come see me; your friends are not the best source of information." Things along that line. If you keep the lines of communication open, chances are, he'll be less likely to come to you in 2 or 3 years and tell you he's going to be a daddy.

Answer 4

My guess is that he's trying to use it for masturbation. It's normal for kids that age to start experimenting.

There is no way a young boy would discuss that topic with his mom!

I'd keep an eye on the vibrator--when does it get moved around, do the batteries get used up--to make sure there's not some older person using it on him and that he's not using it on his neighbourhood friends.

Answer 5

hi
i am a doctor
i guess i understand your position
all i ask you to do is consider it
i mean remember when we were this age

he may be discovering sex
give him some time
maybe he will get over it
observe him for now
find out if he has a girl friend


and if nothing turns up a positive answer
then consider a direct confrontation

remember t this age, cleaning his ooma nd coming across things
will be labelled snooping

he might outgrow it
andthen again
he might be subject to abuse
so i guess you should observe him
and question him looking for leads
if none found, then ask him directly

Answer 6

I think you should be honest with him, hes 13 and has a good idea how to use stuff like that..
Hes your son.... Don't be afraid to talk to him..
He needs to talk to you too..
Maybe he has something to tell you, but he is afraid to ask, or tell..
Good Luck, that sounds like a hard one.

Answer 7

Leave it be, but keep a watchful eye. I wouldn't mess with him discovering his sexuality. Doing so could create problems for him that could last a long time.

Answer 8

Not really sure what to tell you. If it was me, I would probably talk to him because not knowing where he got it or why he has it would drive me batty.

Be prepared for any answer that he may give you though.

Answer 9

There are many reason why he has it, some of which don't involve him being gay.

If you talk to him about it, you will warp him. Let him have his secrets, he'll turn out OK.

Answer 10

you really should talk to him and ask him about it.. he is at the age where they start doing things like that BUT boys really shouldnt be using a vibrator.