why have I been single for 2 years ?

Question

Maybe my standards are too high or my expectations at least. I am having this battle with myself about my current status in life - I dont have a nice car, my savings have been spent, my future regarding my career is going no where and I dont own my own house. Am I or am I not worthy to meet as women have high expectations of men they want like the above. I have had one failed engagement of 3 years but have a son with her who is now six - I believe I had a nervous breakdown due to it and the reasons behind it - with all this in mind I am not a trusting person and on top of it worry that I am not the catch any girl would consider - somebody quash this sense of negativity with something constructive - I would appreciate it.

Answer 1

Low Self Esteem and Lack of Self Confidence is why you are still single.

a couple of months ago I dated a man who was fairly good looking, nice body, well travelled, intelligent, GSOH, solvent, good job etc etc etc - perfect catch on paper.

HOWEVER...within the first few minutes of our first date he was putting himself down - his nose was too big, his shirt wasn't trendy enough, he wasn't tall enough, blah blah blah.

I put this down to first date nerves and a bit of shyness but after a few dates it became clear that this bloke didn't think much of himself at all. After a while I started to think, well if he thinks he is so rubbish, then he mustn't think much of me for wanting to spend time with him and he must believe I am desperate - otherwise why would I date someone that he has such a low opinion of (ie himself)
Also, after so many times of someone drawing attention to their bad points, you start to notice them and be put off them. I never would have thought his nose was too big but as he kept going on about it I started to think of him as Pinocchio and realised it was quite big actually !!!

Women want to be with a man who is self confident and believes that he can have his pick of lovely ladies, BUT he has chosen you to date and therfore you are special! We don't want to be out with someone who is thinking he can't do any better becuase he is broke and jobless and doesn't have a car.

Next time you meet someone - focus on telling her about your good qualities - your loving son, your friends, your sense of humour, good looks, intelligence etc.

I for one would much rather date a penniless man who was funny than a rich miserable b********

Answer 2

I've only dated 2 people in my 24 years of life and I do not feel like my standards are too high. I demand accountability and character, which sadly seems to be lacking. You son needs you to take care of him and it is understandable that you would want someone that would who would hold the same values. Do not back down from them. There have been times I thought a relationship would be nice, but I've been better off waiting and not looking around or thinking about it. Go on with your own life and find hobbies you enjoy...you might even meet someone. Do something constructive so you don't dwell on negative thoughts. Resulting confidence may make you more attractive. Being single is a good time to develop your character and the autonomy gives you time to figure out what you want and gives opportunity for growth so that when you get into the right relationship with the right person, you know how not to lose sense of who you are.

Answer 3

Only two years is that so bad? You need to get out there and stop this self lothing. you are the one putting these negative thoughts in your head. That has to change. Look around you and I bet you will find those that are some much worse off than you.Look at all the positives in your life.Make a list.write down the good things and the bad things.Now Concentrate on how to make the good things better and how to turn the bad into good.Go somewhere outside that you like and just sit and reflect upon the good things. You need to be content with yourself before anyone else .Keep a journal of your progress into getting to know you. You can write anything about anyone and how you feel.It's your private journal,for your eyes only.Know that you are worthy because you are you.Unique and special.God doesn't create junk!!!!!

Answer 4

You need to pull yourself together first before you can attract women. We can see the instability and insecurity a mile away. You've taken the first step in correcting the problem by recognizing the things that need to change. I'm not saying that you need to get a better job, a house, a nice car and a huge bank account. All I'm saying is that you need to make an effort to change the things about yourself that YOU don't like or appreciate. I am not the type of girl who looks for fancy "things" as a way of measuring a mans worth. I look at his heart and his drive in life. If he is making an effort then that's all I need to know.
Good luck and I wish you love and happiness in the future.

Answer 5

Sorry, can't help ya. It might help if you quit thinking so negatively about things though. I don't have a new car, but the one I have gets me where I'm going. Savings? What's that? I have two kids, one's a teenager, so you wanna talk about broke? And here I am, all grown up, and still not knowing what I WANT to be, now that I'm here. But the sun is shining, and I woke up this morning. It's all in how you look at things. Don't search for a relationship, search for a little something to be thankful for each day. Things will progress and happen when they are supposed to.

Answer 6

Ya obviously not ready for a relationship due to all ya 'faults', you are concentrating too much on them...How can you have high expectations of others but have so little for yourself. How can u expect someone else to take you on board when you cant take yourself on board. Chill out...what is done is done, you cant change it or rectify it. Make a new start and progress, its when you go backwards the trouble begins. Ya not on your own, everyone goes through life on a downer at some point. Dont spend time looking for miss perfect, let her come to you. Good things come to those who wait......like i said 'chill out' it'll all come good in the end.

Best of luck.

Answer 7

It's time to not make excuses and stand up and be a man and realize that just b/c one avenue doesnt work out that doesnt mean quit. You should be doing all you can to make yourself a better person. Everyone has standards but you have to think... would you wanna date you with all the things you dont have? it may take time but it's time to move on from your failed engagement and make life anew and start realizing you have to be a strong role model for your son. Also trust should be earned and not given. see when we just trust someone b/c we know them and then they mess up it makes it ten times worse. always realize that. You must prepare new attainable goals for yourself and work towards them everything else will fall into place.
Good Luck!

Answer 8

Everyone deserves happiness... You seem like you have low self asteem.. You really need to take a look at your self and your situation. If you don't like it then change it.. You are the only one that can make your life better... You could meet an amazing woman, and if your messed up inside it will never work with her.. Think about changing your career, get a better job that way you are financially stable.. Then worry about relationships.

Answer 9

All i have to say is there is a girl/women out there for everyone.You just got to be patient and you will get the right one, it takes time. Keep your head up high and stop it with all the negativity and start being a man. Everybody has there ups and downs but you gotto move on in life

Answer 10

no savings no car no house, not the best start but that dosent mean nobody will want you. if women turn you down because of this then you didn't want her anyway believe me. I supose they would like a bit of security so prehaps you should try going for a better job? even if you have to train for it in the evenings or something thats what i am doing oitherwise i would be stuck in the same job for the next 10 years.