is this mean?

Question

ok my 6 yr old son is suppose to start 1st grade in a couple weeks however i know that he is not ready for 1st grade he is not where he is suppose to be is it mean for his father and i to make him repeat kindergarden?

ok the school he was going to was in the ghetto and all the kids dont know anything, the new school we will be going to is so much better and i got a hold of some of the work and he does not know what he should so he can learn what they are going to teach him

Answer 1

my 22yr old sent me a wonderful poem the other day called mean mom It talks of how mean moms make their kids do the right thing. So yes its mean. if you are never looked at as mean by your children then you are not doing your job as a parent. It sounds to me like now would be the right time to hold him back. None of the children at his new school would be aware that he was held back.

Answer 2

From personal experience, I let my daughter (who was the youngest in her class) go on to the first grade but I watched her through out the year to see if she seem to be having any difficulties trying to keep up. She didn't really, but she really wasn't mature enough to move up so I decided to keep her back in the first grade to give her a little more time and let me tell you it did wonders for her, because the next year she was doing great with great confidence, and the positive thing is that she was still reading at the same level as the kids in her prior 1st grade classes. I think its not a matter sometimes of whether the child is smart enough or whatever, but is the child really mature and ready for it. I would even recommend that to the parents that see their kids struggling because, 1st grade is such an important grade that the kids should really grasp it fully or not go to the second grade. Lets face it 1st grade is where you start really reading, you learn about math and it help the child love to learn if they are always struggling then they wont see learning as a positive thing. Go with your mother's intuition, no one knows your child better than you. Good luck.

Answer 3

NO - it is not mean, it is called being a good parent and doing what is best for your child in the long run.

I would call the school you have your son enrolled in and explain your dilema.
Ask them to take 30 minutes to vist with your son BEFORE school starts, and get their opinion.
If he is ready for 1st grade - great no problem.
If he is not ready for 1st grade - still no problem.
It is a new school - no one there knows him or what grade he should be in.
There are plenty of kids that have been kept at home by their parents for a year longer so he will not be the only 6 year old in his class.

It is far better to get this figured out now than to have him repeat a grade later on.

Answer 4

You probably know your child better than anyone else, so you are the best person to make the decision. This isn't about mean or nice - this is about what is best for him.

Make sure that you consider not just the academic side of things, but the social aspects as well. IE, is he going to be one of the youngest 6 years olds in 1st grade, or one of the oldest. If he is already older than most of the other 1st graders, holding him back could create more social stigma. If he's one of the youngest, then he may not be socially ready for 1st grade anyway.

If it is just purely academic reasons to hold him back, consider getting tutoring and working with him yourself to make sure he catches up instead of holding him back.

Good luck with your decision - it's going to be tough either way. The teachers and counselors at the school can be a good source of guidance for you as well, but remember that it is your decision, not theirs.

Answer 5

I do not think it's mean. If you really feel he is not ready, and his teachers agree, then holding him back now, while he is still young, is by far kinder than him having to suffer when he is older. There is nothing wrong with repeating the younger grades, its fine. I am a mother of 3, and my 5 year old is just starting Kindergarten, and I know that if she was not ready to move on, I would help her best I could, get her all the help I could get her, and if she needed to stay back, hold her back. Letting them go on to a grade where they will be lost and end up feeling stupid and less-than their peers is what would be mean, ultimately. Good luck though :)

Answer 6

Your the parents, but think about him for the rest of his life he will be the oldest one in his class and have to tell people that he failed Kindergarden. In my opinion i would just move him on to grade 1 and if he is still having problems next year then hold him back in grade 1. Some kids just learn a little slower maybe he will catch up this year. Good luck

Answer 7

Is he not ready academically, or socially? If its academic, have him evaluated by the school for a learning disability. The sooner it is caught, the better the end result will be. If he is socially not ready, let him try first grade for 6 weeks, then meet with his teacher to see how he is doing. He may surprise you. When does he turn 7? if its not until the end of the school year or later (like may-July), going back to kindergarten may not bother him too much. But if he will be 7 in October, and have to spend the school year with 5 yr olds, he may feel embarrassed.

Answer 8

I believe that it is much easier on the child to repeat a grade in lower elementary school then to get into the upper grades and struggle and fail.
Besides kindergarten is fun and especially if he will be going to a new school the other students wont know that he is repeating a grade.

Answer 9

As you can see, there isn't an easy answer to this one. But, no, it isn't mean. You are trying to do what is best for him. It is something you should think about very carefully, though, and I am sure you are doing that, since you have asked for opinions here.

Little boys at his age can be as much as 18 months behind little girls of the same age - it is a developmental and maturational issue, and most boys usually catch up with the girls by about fifth or sixth grade. Some little boys find it very difficult to catch up, and struggle throughout their school lives. Boys account for the great majority of students in special education, for example. I agree with the posters who have said better now than later. However, in my work I have also met young men in high school whose first comment to me was, "I must be stupid! I failed kindergarten."

If he goes on to first grade, there are other issues. "Catching up" is not easy to do. It sounds easy, but it isn't. It would mean he would have to work even harder, struggle even more, and he is probably already working as hard as he can. He needs time for relaxation and play and extracurricular activities, not just school work. So there are many facets to your question.

Have you talked to him about it? I know he is only six, but the best way to make it work if you decide to keep him back is to make him feel that he had a say in the decision. I am sure you can find ways to make it sound like a good idea to him. If you decide to go this route, find ways to make it appealing to him. And don't spring it on him on the first day of school.

If he stays back, will his school day be a half day or a full day? If it is a half day, I'd try to find a way for him to have a full day of school. Where I taught we sometimes had children in his situation repeat kindergarten in the a.m. and join the first grade class for the p.m., and arranged class schedules so that could work.

I disagree with the poster who said it is the school's decision, not yours. Both you and the school need to be part of this decision. What does his school think though? What does his teacher from last year think? What support services are available to him at his school? Talk to the principal, the counselor, the special education teacher, his kindergarten teacher from last year, and the teachers he would have this year for kindergarten or for first grade. Those discussions may help you make up your mind. You may feel that he will do better with one classroom teacher over another and that may help you make up your mind. Do give serious consideration to the opinions of these people. They have seen many situations like this before, and they too know your son.

I hope my thoughts are of some help to you. I have seen it work remarkably well when a child was held back, and I have seen it fail miserably. It very much depends upon the approach, whether the child feels good about it, and how it is handled at home, at school and in his class.

Take care and best of luck to you and your family.

Answer 10

I held my son back in kindergarden. I don't mean this as a "sexist" slur but boys really don't mature as fast as most girls do. That's a fact. I had 3 girls and 1 boy and I worked for a pediatrician for 13 years. It's not uncommon at all to hold a child back. Chances are he will have much better friends and he will be better adjusted by holding him back. He will thank you for it one day.

Answer 11

Not at all. It is a proven fact that its better to hold them back earlier than later. He will never remember that. However did the teacher tell u that that was a good idea? She knows him and knows what he is cabable of. Remember boys mature later than girls in all areas, so its actually more common for them to be held back in kindergarten and first grade. You need to do whats best for him. If u push him on he may struggle for many yrs. but if u hold him back if he shouldnt be he will be very bored. Good luck