How do I help my kindergartner make friends and join group activities?

Question

My daughter is 5 and she has several friends that she plays well with, but if feel like the only reason she became friends with them was because I am friends with their parents. She started kindergarten last week and is having a very hard time adjusting. She is, very subtly, beginning to act out. She is a very smart but quiet child. She usually prefers to stand back and watch things happen in group activities unless I'm there to insist that she joins, which she is then very content and happy joining in. But, I've gone back to work now and I can't be at school (preschool before) anymore to encourage her to join. I just talked to her teacher and she is aware that there is a problem (which is very hard to hear your very bright child has a problem socially) and she recommend just waiting to see if she becomes more comfortable. But there has to be something I haven't tried to become more pro-active.

Sorry about the rambling...I’m just frustrated and could really use some advice.

Answer 1

It's not easy being a mom is it. We worry about everything. Mom, relax and take a deep breath. Your little girl is fine. I have been a teacher for twenty years and have found that kindergarten is harder on the parents than it is on the kids. We have soooooooo much to worry about. If you want her to join groups fine..do girl scouts, brownies, soccer, that sort of thing. However, she is just adjusting to kindergarten and in time you will find that she will make friends on her own without you. Standing back and watching isn't all bad. let her do that until she feels comfortable with joining.........she will because she is so bright!

Answer 2

I've had the same problem with my son from kindergarten until now (he's 15). I've become his "social butterfly" always making excuses to have parties, sleepovers, rented the pool, etc. to keep him in the social group. It's worked, even though quite stressful at times. However, it would be more stressful for him to be friendless. He has ADD, which is common for having social problems. Because I'm always making sure he's included, he does fairly well in the social setting. So what I'm saying (as I'm rambling, too), maybe have a "back to school" party for your daughter and some of the kids, maybe the whole class, guess I don't know how many kids there are. The more nice things you have for the group, the more they'll relate to your child and include her. When my son was in 2nd grade, he had a bully in his class. One of my friends told me about it and when I asked my son, he said he hated him. So we had him over for pizza and video games and they've been best friends ever since. Nice to know that my son has a bully for a friend because no one else dares to give him crap. Anyway, just keep planning and planning and your daughter will be accepted. You'll earn a lot of friends, too, because most parents are relieved when someone else includes their kids.

Answer 3

I think you're worrying too much about what seems to be a typical situation for a first-time kindergartner. I've often been advised to put my toddler in a daycare one or two days a week a few months before he starts to school. If your child is used to being at home with you and only playing with a select few friends, then it is obviously going to be a huge adjustment in their life when they are thrown into a busy social environment. Some kids are naturally social and outgoing, but some may take months to "fit in", but they will find their way. Just give her the space she needs. She will learn from watching others at school as well. Just give her all the time she needs, don't push her. Some kids will fit in better when they are allowed to do it at their own pace. Hope that helps. Don't worry so much, your daughter is obviously very smart. She will do things when she is ready.

Answer 4

I was the same way when I was a kid. I was scared of every thing I didn't know or understand and I was afraid to make friends with out my mom RIGHT next to me. In the end I came out of my shell because my mom went to a few school mom and daughter parties/events with me and then after meeting a few girls she had me stay the night at they're homes on weekends so that I could get my thoughts away from that narrow way of thinking. It's a natural thing to be unsure and scared of others when you are so young. Some times the hardest thing to do is the best thing. Maybe a day camp would help... there are lots of those around. she would be without you in a safe place with lots of other fun kids. If you don't push her, she may keep backing away. God is with you and things will work out. Keep us all posted! :) Good luck to you hun! I know she will be just fine.

Answer 5

Ahh the rambling from another, I just went through that last night!! My daughter has the same freakin issue! Its so frusterating and un-understandable to us! The only thing i try to do, is teach her to compliment. That way, if she sees some one wearing something realy cool she can go comfertably say she likes it to them. And that gets her at least interacting a little. And a little goes a long way. She's been doing that for quite awhile, and some times only gets a few people to respond back to her and start talking, but for me its about her self confidence. We have also become very big on "details", making her point out everything, like oo look at that button on that ladies shirt its sooooo bright!! Or like OOMG that peach is sooooooooooooooo big @ the store. She's seemed very ... bouncey since we've started doing that, and I think its actually working. I dont believe those kind of actions you can teach, its the kind of actions you can show, so they see and try. Good luck, I feeeeeeeeel your frusteration!!!!!

Answer 6

Just leave her alone. Kids at that age will eventually just end up being one of the kids in a group of kids. At that age they have not yet figured out that they should be nasty towards others because of a defect or skin color or weight, etc, etc. She will adjust...give her time.

Answer 7

I think you should try some type of sports, cheerleading, or dance (etc). This will put her around kids her age. It will give an activity that she can participate in without your encouraging. Maybe then she will make some friends of her own.

Answer 8

tell her to make friends, and tell her how. she will thank you later