will my daughter ever talk to me again?

Question

we had a serious disagreement. she said some awful things. her husband tells her to not talk to me. she is only child. she won't return my calls. don't you think this is ridiculous? it has been over a month now. we live close to each other too. can people just forget you completely? your own mother? your mom? tell her to call me please.

Answer 1

I don't know what the argument was about, but even if you were right, apologize to her for letting things get out of hand. She is your daughter and she loves you. Let time heal the wound.

Answer 2

She can't forget you, but she can forcibly remove you from her life. I have been witness to several situations where the child simply left the parents. If they meet on the street, they may say hi, and that's all. Nothing more. I think it's horrible when that happens, but it's always the parents fault. You may not have done it on purpose, but it is your job to ALWAYS be the more intelligent and responsible person in the relationship. That means you have to be able to recognize what lines you may never cross no matter how much you may want to. It is very bad that you had a serious disagreement with her. I think serious disagreements between parents and children should end at about the time that a child is able to form a strong opinion about a subject.

Your best bet for getting together with your daughter again is to visit her or call her when you know her husband won't be at home. If she refuses to see you, insist, but not forcefully, but rather with pleas. Apoligize for taking a side against her in your disagreement, no matter what it was. Apologize for wanting to guide her in her life when she's a grownup. Never once mention that you wanted to do those things for her good. Apologize for being selfish and promise never to do it again. Apologize for being those awful things she said to you. Tell her that you want to be her mother and her friend. She just may take you back.

I know it's hard to do all those things, but they have to be done. I am sorry you put yourself in that situation. People do foolish things and think that right and wrong matter. They don't. The only thing that matters is that you love your daughter and she means the world to you. Anything you do or say that may jeopardize your relationship is wrong. Everything you do or say to make it better is right.

Pride and conviction have no place in a parent's relationship with their children. Only kindness and devotion.

Answer 3

I don't think that is ridiculous. There are many times when it's best for children to take a break from a parent. Just because she is your child and you are her parent doesn't mean that the two of you can get away with treating each other with less respect than you would show anyone else you know. If you or she can't do that then perhaps the time apart is for the best. I'm not saying that she's right, just that she isn't wrong if she is making the decision not to talk to you for the right reasons. In which case take the break she is giving you to think about how to work on the problems you and she have and in the future don't let it get this bad again.

Answer 4

A year ago my dearest grandmom died ( my mother's mum ) and after that period of time my mom was very very upset, and we had a little fight over a thing i can't even remember. she was very dissapointed with everybody and she felt really really alone. From the day we've had that fhgt we kept argueing and argueing abut everything untill we started not to talk to each other. We've been like this for almost 7 months, and we still lived in the same home so you can imagine how difficult that was, seeing her and not even say hello to her. After about 3 months i felt like i couldn't take it anymore and i tryed to talk to her but she wouldn't just listen to me... our stupid pride made us lose a very important part from our lives.
I am not telling you that your problem will last this long, what i can tell you is that you should try and convince your daughter to talk to you .. say it once say it twice say it one thousand times if it is necessary. Don't let this get worse. Try not to talk to her about what you think about her husband , this will make her feel uncomfortable and she won't want to talk to you anymore. Go to her forget about your pride, be you the one that makes the first step towards getting back together. Mothers and daughters should be very close to each other especially if she is your own child.
I hope you'll do the right thing and get back together with your daughter the way you were a while ago. Have faith.

Answer 5

There is more to this story than you are telling us...
You have an only child who is married. Right there could be the problem. She's no longer yours...she's a married woman now and you need to respect that. You are not in charge anymore, mom. Learn about "respect."

She is fuming mad at you... I suspect she feels you are a stone wall...on every subject...and do not respect her feeling or opinions . She is a grown woman! My mother had that problem and she had 6 kids.

My question is do you LISTEN or is your mind made up?.
I can think of no reason why an only child refuses to speak to her mother...Write her a note and apologize to her and let her know you overstepped here ...and will listen and be respectful of her... now and in the future. She does love you and is just totally frustrasted with you now so by you making the first move it will make it easier. It does not matter who is right or who is wrong.

Good luck...you can work it out....

Answer 6

Whether or not her husband tells her to do anything, your daughter is her own person. She is choosing not to talk to you. Give her time. The more you press the issue, the angrier she may become. Give her some space.
Think about what you said or did, too. Sometimes moms can be oblivious to the amount of harm which can be done to children with simply a few words.
Take responsibility for what you did, write it down, send it in the mail, and give your daughter some space.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

Sweetheart, she will call you again and don't worry about it. If the disagreement was something that was handled incorrectly or you where the culprit then take ownership and apologize if needed. If the daughter is the culprit then love her but stand your ground! Respect is a mutual feeling but getting walked on by your relatives is not acceptable. There is no need to engage in mindless arguing if it can't be resolved agree to disagree and move on to better aspects of your relationship. Don't let your son-in-law's comments or intrusions add to the fire he should stay out of these kinds of disagreements so fuel isn't dumped on the fire. Consider the age as well the life experience is a factor that they lack, sometimes being humble and waiting it out is the best choice! Hard sometimes but best! I feel your pain. I got one just like her and him!

Answer 8

Sometimes, sending a Thinking of You card can let a person know how much you care for them and miss them. It can also give them a little home sick feeling too by telling them you love them and they can come to you anytime.
It would probably be wise to just give in and apologize to make peace with both your daughter and her husband. It's not right that he is telling her not to speak to her own mother but if you try to make friends with them both, it will release a lot of tension.
Maybe get her a card with an invitation for them to come over for a dinner and sit down with them and play a good board game. You want to create some family fun to keep off of issue that lead to disagreement. Watch a movie together. Make some popcorn, some coffee. Laugh together and just enjoy yourself.

Answer 9

i think she will eventually, usual people will come around. It also depends on how intently she listens to her husband. Is she a strong enough woman to stand on her own and make her own decisions? Or will she do what her husband tells her no matter what? You say she won't return your calls so obviously you are trying to reach out to her. I think the best thing you can do is call her once more, leave her a message stating that you want to try and repair the relationship, and you have been doing all you can to reach her and begin the process,but seeing as she refuses to return your calls you are going to give her the time she needs to get ready to start repairing the relationship. That you respect her right to to not talk to you, but that you love her very much and will wait as long as it takes. Tell her that in order to start the process of repair you will wait for her call to you, to signal that she is ready. I think by putting it into her hands, and reaffirming you love and respect for her that she will eventually come around.

I wish you luck in this.

Answer 10

This is an unfortunate situation. As a child, I often get into fights with my parents, and I am a champion grudge-holder. But within a week at the most, I can't stand the guilt of holding the grudge and ignoring my parents and I end up apologizing. Just have faith that your daughter will come around. Maybe a better approach then trying to call her would be to write her a letter (not an email, a letter). A letter is is less confrontational than a phone call and it will give her the chance to ponder and gather her thoughts before talking to you. Good luck, love!

Answer 11

Do you believe you raised her to be a responsible adult? Does the good outweigh the bad? Can both of you admit to eachother stubborness and whether someone was wrong or close minded? Have you appologized even if only for raising your voice or some aspect of the argument? Chances are she will come around, but if the attack or argument was something that involved her husband you will have a fight on your hands. Stand your ground on what you believe is wrong, but acknowledge she is an adult and that you respect that she can make up her own mind to do what is right.