i have 2 friends who sticks with abusive boyfriends for quite some time, and i just cant understand why.
i care for them deeply and it hurts to see them like this, the worst part is, i cant do anything above it!
so please, all the girls out there, enligten me.
2006-08-15 05:13:18 · 21 answers · asked by Ng S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i've known 1 of them for quite some time, and i can savely say her family background is good...ive even seen her mom and dad. their nice ppl. and theres no acting going on there.
i wont be so worried if i think that everything will be fine. that is why i asked the question.
suggestions on how to proceed is welcomed.
2006-08-15 06:15:17 · update #1
Seen it once, seen it a thousand times. Women like bad boy for one main reason, they think they can fix them. They think it given power but most of the time it just gives them an abusive relationship thats even harder to get out of.. I've posted a similar question before and got no real answers but to get rid of them.
2006-08-15 05:27:13 · answer #1 · answered by tazintampa 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well like all relationships they don't start out bad or abusive.
Even the bad boys have a soft side; they have to in some way in order to get a girl. It's not until after these women are "trapped/stuck", THEN!! these bad boys began to show their true colors. In the beginning these Jerks are soooo sweet, nice, very loving and understanding, and that's what they fall for. There is No Way!! they could keep a girl if they PUNCHED!! her on the first date. Instead they wait 6 or 7 months down the road after the girl has fallen in love and "sees a future", then he Slaps!!! her back to Reality!! It's a very deceitful misleading trick that is played time and time again on young girls who grow up to be abused women. They hang in there hoping to find the man they once fell in love with and it NEVER happens. Days, Months, and Years, go by and the same SH*T is still going on. More than likely they have a couple of kids, which binds them even stronger lessening the chances of a Break Up!! Sometimes they ask themselves "How did I get myself into this"?? Then after letting time slip away they may feel in a sense like their life is "over" and being alone or starting over would be Insanely Terrifying!! So they would rather settle “thinking” that it’s better to at least have someone. Let me tell you situations like this from the outside looking in are Horrible, but obviously we see something they don't. Personally I had to do some serious praying and asking God to help remove me from this Nightmare!! Now I feel so relived and care free from all the torture and stress I was going through. I promise it can be done, but these girls need Total Support from family and good friends like yourself (that’s what I had). Trust me it's not easy and I'm glad it’s all behind me now. Of course some of the hurt is still there that's why I'm single now, but it just made me better person. Please don't give up? Pray for these women and the deranged boyfriends asking God to permanently fix this problem. They need you now more than ever and you could be their only hope to Get Out!!
Be Blessed..
2006-08-15 08:17:22 · answer #2 · answered by AAP0305 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's because the men that are abusing them have complete control over them. They tell the women/girls that no one else will want them, no one will ever love them, they are too stupid to make it on their own. When you are abused you slowly lose a firm grasp on reality. The abuse takes all her energy and she's constantly worried about what's going to happen next? She starts to believe that she can't make it own her own so she sticks it out. A lot of time the abuser will say "Oh, I'm so sorry, I will never do that again.!" But he does and it continues in a circle of violence until it's just the way life is.
A lot of times the woman doesn't think there it any way out and just stays and takes it. But there are a lot of programs out there to help them!
I was abused for three and a half years and it took a lot for me to get out. It was the scariest thing I ever had done. A lot of times the abuser will tell her that he'll kill her if she leaves and she's terrified by now so she beleives him. In fact when it comes to death in domestic violence about 70 percent of the deaths happen AFTER she left. So it's very scary.
The women are not retarded as some one said. They are afraid and they need help. It makes me sick when I hear someone say that they are retarded because they won't leave. A lot of times these women/girls grew up in violent homes so they don't know that it's wrong. Help your friends find help.
2006-08-15 05:26:45 · answer #3 · answered by dlfoster67 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe because that is the only love they know how to relate too, or have such a low self-esteem that they feel that is all they deserve in a boyfriend. Alot of times these abusers brain wash their victims first and then it becomes physical. They need help fast!! Give them articles to read and movies to watch of abused women and maybe they will see the light and get the heck out of their relationships before something seaious happens!
2006-08-15 05:22:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was in an abusive relationship for 22 years...i can honestly say that in the back of my mind i always thought it would change. it's hard to say why a person ( man or woman ) stays in a bad realtionship. i think i did it somewhat for the kids, even tho it was just as unhealthy for them as it was for me. there are so many reasons that someone stays...everyone has their own reasons and some have no reason at all. a person gets used to it after awhile, it becomes " normal " for them. after my divorce, it was very hard to get used to peace and quiet...no arguing, etc.. it didn't feel right. i also think that a lot of times the abuser is so good at manipulating his or her victim, that the victim believes all the bad things the abuser tells them about themselves, making the victim believe they deserve no better than what they have. it's complicated and unless you've been there yourself, it's very hard to understand.
2006-08-15 05:24:23 · answer #5 · answered by raylie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ur friends have very low self-steem and have not found a guy who knows how to treat them. They are in a circle, where one day everything is great and the other day things go to hell. Maybe they are happy by being in that situation. My advice, stay out of it, they will learn their lesson when the time comes. I know it bother u b/c u care about them, but if they really cared about themselves they will stop the abuse...
2006-08-15 05:24:04 · answer #6 · answered by Cubanita 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a part of it is self-esteem- these girls could think that they deserve it and so they put up with it, although that is hardler ever true that they deserve it.
another part is that they could have grown up around an abusive home, so they think that's love and how every other couple/family acts.
the biggest part is that they fear for their lives if they actually left the relationship. If he hits her just for saying something wrong, can you imagine what he might do if she actually left him? women get killed trying to leave their bfs or husbands who are abusive and when kids are involved, it makes things really hard to juggle.
2006-08-15 05:29:35 · answer #7 · answered by Someone help me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm...if she has a boyfriend now, your dating ought to have been a concern in her dating along with her boyfriend. it relatively is a danger that he mentioned some thing to her approximately your dating along with her, which means he might have been intimidated via it. it incredibly is the only reason i might take care of a guy that way (if my bf grow to be concerned with regards to the romantic dating staying at the same time). the excellent difficulty sounds a sprint twisted up, yet i think you will ought to take it step-via-step given which you seem to love her. My superb guess is which you consult along with her approximately what is going on..only ask her why she is ignoring you lots (perhaps no longer those words yet greater say greater like "being distant"). it incredibly is the only way you will discover out what is going on...as quickly as you comprehend what exceeded off, you will maximum in all likelihood be waiting to slowly circulate on. the superb thank you to recover from somebody is to fulfill somebody new. You not at all comprehend, in case you meet somebody new, they only must be greater effectual than her....besides, good success (;
2016-12-11 09:09:35 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is a little hope
As I pray for the woman of abuse,God take those cowardly men away that are of no use.
please quickly take away their hurt and pain,from a life of hits,slaps,and mental strain.
give them the love they well deserve,from a man with a heart in you they serve.
God as I give you prayer in faith,move very quickly,theres no time to waste.
AMEN
2006-08-15 22:11:59 · answer #9 · answered by lovely soul with insite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WEAKNESS! This may sound harsh but its my opinion and thats all that counts. They are too weak to realize they deserve better or they feel they are sooo in love with this abusive assshole or even fear the abuse. I sum it up by saying they don't mind being abused. I KNOW they do not enjoy being abused......BUT ....in my world you do NOT stay with someone that abuses you NO MATTER WHAT!! If you haven't guessed by now....NO, I am NOT an empathetic person.
2006-08-15 05:22:00 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋