SHould we go ahead and get married?

Question

My fiance and I have been living together officially for almost 6 months. We have been together for 14 months and engaged 4 months. Initially, we said that we were going to wait 3 years before getting married, because he is finishing his last year of college (I finished in Dec) and he wasnted to be through at least his first year or second year of medical school before we took the plunge, because we felt by then our finances and futures would be in a better spot to merge them together. I was ok with that at first, but now that we've been living together, I'm wondering why we just don't set a date for a year or year and ahalf from now. A- we already live like a married couple- sharing bills, bed, house...I know wherever he goes I'm folllowing and vice versa especially since he is rethinking med school. We are very much in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together, so why not now? He disagrees, but won't really give me a reason why...says he wants to marry me, just not now..

Answer 1

If you two are going to be married, then he owes you, at the very least, an open, honest discussion & an answer to your question.

Men don't always see the same urgency as women do when it comes to marriage. He loves you, proposed to you, said you'd get married in 3 years, so what's the big deal; why the change?

Maybe he's afraid you won't be able to have the wedding you want. And things do change when married, even if the couple has lived together before they wed. He may be afraid of that. He's got his life pretty mapped out, which is cool. But life doesn't always go the way we plan. What happens if you turn up pregnant?

Answer 2

My friend was watching some show, and you know how much you can learn from tv... apparently lust lasts for 2 years, and you shouldn't get married until you've been together for at least 2 years, and you know that your feelings for each other are real, and not just based on the attraction. I understand if it's frustrating for you to wait, but marriage is a big step. Engagement is one thing, but marriage is huge. So many people these days get married because it's "what you do", but they tend to plan for the wedding, not the marriage. You sound like a stable couple, but you're both young right? Enjoy your life together for now, until you BOTH feel ready to get married, which he doesn't seem to be right now.
I think he's saying the right thing about waiting due to your financial situation, because if you want a blow out wedding, or even a simple one, they're not cheap, you can end up in huge debts because of it. Keep saving *I'm assuming you are*, and you may even want to try to have a smaller ceremony (when you get round to it) that is more personal to you, and save you some dosh.
You're young, and you're generally happy right? If it's meant to be, you can hold onto being engaged for a while and when you're both ready, I wish you a happy marriage. x

Answer 3

I don't think it's our place to tell you what you "should" do, but I can certainly offer you advice and a different POV.

Being together for 14 months is not that long of a time. Especially if he's going into something as difficult of med school. You have at least 6 years of difficult living ahead of you. 4 years in school and at *least* 2 in residency, depending on his specialty. In med school, you'll be supporting him. He won't be able to go out. He won't be able to socialize. He won't be able to plan a wedding. In fact, it will be difficult for him to even SHOW UP at a wedding, much less help you pick colours, tuxes, registry items, etc.
After med school, he'll be on call many many hours, and working 12 hours shifts, regularly. He'll probably be making under $40K (maybe as little as $25K), which is nothing compared to the 80+ hours a week he'll be working. The last thing that he's going to want to do is play house when he gets home, meaning grocery shop, do laundry, pay bills, or even plan a wedding.

The next 6 years are going to be one of the most stressful times of his life. A quick wedding after med school but before residency may be ideal. Anything before that may be pushing it. He's not going to want the stress during med school.

If he's rethinking med school, then he's probably re-evaluating everything in his life. Let him make his decisions and offer help if he needs it. Be there for him but don't push the wedding thing. Pushing him during this fragile time may do damage to your young relationship. Good luck to you. : )

Answer 4

There is a saying in my country...

The student's girfriend will never be the professional's wife.

3 years down the road is to far away and your lives will take different ditrections once you graduate and it will be quite difficult to merge them both later. You are right on your instinct to settle things sooner because you fear of what may happen fron now untik then.

However, you have only been together 14 months, that is not enough to decide on your life. I say, give it 2 years before deciding on a date, you are already engaged so you have his word.

Good luck

Answer 5

I think you are getting to excited about the idea marriage. You two only have been living together for 4 months, everything is still fresh, you all are still in the stage of figuring each other out so, you are not runing into many problems but, once you get marreid, that will last a long time. I think you are getting way ahead of yourself here. Stay with the original plan and if it meant to be than it is meant to be, there is no need rushing into things.

Answer 6

i ask your self what it truly is that your fiance is truly worried about. As others have reported, you're literally not appropriate by any skill - neither biologically nor by technique of marriage, when you consider that his mom and your father did not marry. So i imagine there might want to be something else occurring. it may be simplistic merely to anticipate he doesn't truly opt to be with you - he has stuck round for those 12 years, so there's a actual dedication. What does getting married recommend to you? Why do you desire the criminal settlement? possibly your fiance merely has a diverse sense of it and probably fears that it's going to be a strait-jacket, somewhat than eg a public acknowledgement of the prevailing dedication. yet i visit in uncomplicated words anticipate that there is something in the which signifies that marriage has for each of you it really is someplace the stumbling block.

Answer 7

The only input that I can give you is if he is going to become a doctor you are going to have to be a VERY understanding wife because he is going to have a demanding schedule. He is going to have to work on Christmas, miss juniors basketball game, and won't be home in time for dinner. If you cannot be understanding about his reasoning to wait until he is through with school I do not believe you could handle being a doctors wife.
He has a lot on his plate right now trying to make it through school that he cannot give you what you would need in a husband. I wouldn't have moved in with him until I was his wife. You all are already starting off on the wrong foot.

Good luck!

Answer 8

if you're a solid couple and already living like you're married, there shouldn't be such a rush to tie the knot. the only reason to be in such a hurry is if you're actually afraid it WON'T last otherwise. if this is the case, then you should definitely NOT get married yet. make sure to really think about why you want to do this sooner before proceeding.

Answer 9

Well then why does he want to live with you but not marry you yet ? The way I look at it is if you are good enough to live with then you are good enough to marry. If his attitudes remains the same I would stay with him but move out and get your own place.
Why does everything have to be what he decides ? Don't allow him to dictate when things will happen, you'll end up being his doormat. Good luck.

Answer 10

I'd say that since you're basically living like you're married now and you're sure that you want to take this next step, go for it! You should mature and responsible. Just make sure that he's completely comfortable with it. You don't want to start planning a wedding that one of you doesn't want.