My fiancee and I are getting married next september and I know that I wanna marry him but he's a military man and I cant get him to be affectionate. Its like pulling teeth just to get a hug from him. I love him with all of my heart and I wanna go ahead with our wedding plans but I dont want it to come a time in our relationship that i reach out for affection in another mans arms cuz thats something I just cant live without. I try to hug him but he lets go quick. even when we have sex, he's very precise. he doesnt touch me or make me feel loved or special. he doesnt like to say i love you because he said im supposed to know. im gonna go crazy someone help me pleasee!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-08-15 05:03:19 · 13 answers · asked by starr 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ive talked to him about this so many times and all he'll say is I'll try babe. But it seems he never tries at all. I dont want to cheat on him because Im not that type of person
2006-08-15 05:22:00 · update #1
Some peopel are not into PDA. PDA is for people seeking approval from others and y ou are putting up a show.
You also have to understand that between saying "I love you" and loving somebody is two different things. Think about it this way: the man proposed to you because he loves you and gave you the ultimate testament of love..... that is love honey. In the other hand, you 'say" that you love him but you are making his life a living hell about him not "saying it" enough. .... so... would you prefer him saying "i love you" fifty times a day and treat you like crap? Think about it.
Secondly, people don't change so don't think that he will after you get married. If you are unsatisfied with the relationship then you should not get married as you will always have this issue of not being fulfilled emotionally and physically. You either learn to live and adapt to your partner or find fullfillment elsewhere from someone than can.
Good luck
2006-08-15 05:39:00 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since you've all ready tried talking to him, he needs to go to counseling. If not, he will never change and you will end up resenting him later on down the road, and yes, posssibly cheating on him. This could be related to his job. In the military you have to be very precise and unemotional. You have to sit him down and tell him that the only way for this relationship to last forever is for him to go to counseling alone, or with you if he prefers that. Try to let him know that counseling is not unmanly and that this relationship is very important. Relationships take work, and you guys have a major thing to work on. If he won't go for it, you could try guiding him through some affectionate moves, if he'll let you. Like, practice foreplay with no sex and just tell him where you want to be touched. I think this is better left to a professional, though. They'll probably give you guys some exercises that will get him to be more touchy and stuff. Good luck!!
2006-08-15 13:17:32 · answer #2 · answered by SweetPea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is quite sad, many people are like your fiancee, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I don't think it's anything to do with him being a military man, it probably comes from his childhood, maybe he wasn't given lots of cuddles and kisses as a child, or maybe his own parents weren't demonstrative to each other. Nobody is perfect, you're living in a dream world if you think that, why can't you just accept the way he is, you say you love him, then why are you moaning about him ? The more you pressurise him about this the less likely he is of ever becomming more tactile with you, just let him be and see what materialises.There are more ways of showing love for another person than cuddling !
2006-08-16 03:18:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you consider marrying him when you're already thinking about finding affection with another man??
If the affection is that important to you and you're not getting it from him, you need to stop the wedding plans and get that part straightened out first (if it CAN be straightened out), instead of going into a marriage that you KNOW will be lacking in an area that is vital to you.
Don't think that marriage will "magically" change him or "magically" make things better.
2006-08-15 12:30:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think the military has anything to do with this. Some people are not physically affectionate. You haven't said how long you've been together but understand that if this is his make-up and you agree to accept him as he is now, this is how he will be married.
2006-08-15 12:22:41 · answer #5 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is something i learned a long time ago.....if you can't talk about what you both want , then u will end up wanting it all your life and he will continue to be who he is...if affection is so important to u maybe you should make him understand this BEFORE the wedding cause you could spend your life being miserable......and even though you probably don't want to hear it I am sure you know deep down weather or not he is capable of giving you the kind of attention and love you deserve.... there really is someone out there for everyone and he will give you what you need because it will be what he wants too....if you have to try to change them to be who you need then they are probably not who you need....................Good Luck...............
2006-08-15 12:16:53 · answer #6 · answered by mercy me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the way this man is going to be. How he behaves is so inground in him, there is little chance he will ever change.
Realize too, that right now this is the hot & heavy courting time. What's it going to be like when you two get settled into the everyday living of life? He will be this way with your children, also.
Accept him for who & what he is & resign yourself to the fact that this is how the rest of your life is going to be or move on.
2006-08-15 12:14:50 · answer #7 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a military man has nothing to do with him being affectionate or not. That is just who he is. You have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you as a husband. You can't change him. You either have to accept how he is or move on.
Good luck!
2006-08-15 12:58:55 · answer #8 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm, thats tough b/c personally for me, I like a lot of affection
in a realtionship. You're in a gray area, not all military men are
like that, this must be b/c he's always like that. I betcha he didnt
have a good relationship with his mom as a kid, usually men that
get along with their moms are more "loving" i actually suggest
"couples therepy" b/c he's not gonna change over night.
good luck.
2006-08-15 15:28:17 · answer #9 · answered by Jenster*is*flipping*you*off 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be a nice guy... but he will never ever change... You have to find a person with all the qualities you want before saying a word to them... Then as love takes hold you have everything you desire... You can't change someone... it doesn't happen... it won't work... In the long run your marriage is pre-doomed before it began...
2006-08-15 14:52:23 · answer #10 · answered by deakjone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋