I've been having problems with my dad,my brother is down and we were talking about when I'm going to be in the hospital to have my baby and everything.A while back my dad acted like I was pulling teeth when I asked if he was going to come see me and the new baby while we were in the hospital, but I thought he was joking. My brother told me dad said he didn't want to come down because it was too far to drive (2 hrs by the way) and dad said "I don't know what the big deal is I mean, You see one baby you've seen them all". I was so upset yesterday,I cried for hours. He of all people should know how big of a deal giving birth can be, his, mom died giving birth to his sister.I know I'm not going to die, but I'm his daughter for crying out loud!Any action I take even if it is just "well, **** you have a good life" It's going to be MY fault our relationship is ruined. It's always MY fault. It's so frustrating. How can I get him to see how much this hurts me? He knows how bad I want him there!
2006-08-15 04:53:30 · 14 answers · asked by LiL' Momma 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No I am not married, and I don't appreciate you calling my child a bastard. I was married at one time and for many many reasons, I left. My dad is actually glad I left my ex husband. My father didn't come to my wedding. I guess I shouldn't be surpirised that he wouldn't want to be a part of my childs life either. I don't believe that it's because he's scared. He was actually in town a few weeks ago and I just so happened to call him and check in and he made some lame excuse as to why he could drive across town and see me.
2006-08-15 05:19:29 · update #1
Sounds like you're in for lots more hurt. When we have kids we want people to love them, or at least the people that matter to us. A grandparents lack of interest can be the most painful thing for a parent.
If he acts like this now, dont expect much from him after either.
Oh, and congratulations on the baby.
2006-08-15 05:07:37 · answer #1 · answered by ironica7 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure your dad has his reasons for not wanting to be there. But whatever reasons he has, just accept them for now he still loves you and he will love his grandchild as well. The big picture is that he will have the rest of his life to spend with you and your new addition. Sometimes people in general just don't want to be in a position where they have no control over what is going on with a loved one. Meaning your dad knows that you will probably be in alot of pain, he may not want to see that, then this is something so major that he himself may feel a little helpless.
Assure your Dad that everything will be ok and that you're ok if he just comes to visit with you and the baby after all the drama is gone.
Dry up your tears and put a smile on your face. Your Dad loves you regardless. You really don't need to be stressed out right now.
2006-08-15 12:05:02 · answer #2 · answered by DREA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand, different people have different ways in dealing with fears and problems. I am sure your dad loves you, he might just be too scared. I know my dad used to cry when ever he imagined me going through labor (I was not married or pregnant!) He would literally freak out, he swore that I would never have babies. So does it mean my dad hates me or doesn't want me to be happy? no. Its just the only way he could cope!
Give your daddy the benefit of the doubt. When you have the baby and he still does not visit then take the baby to him. It does not really matter who visits whom, what matters is that you enjoy the special time in your life and set an example for little baby.
Talk to your dad one last time and explain how much it'll mean to you if he would visit. Stay calm.
Good luck
2006-08-15 12:05:57 · answer #3 · answered by WICCA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that really sucks! I feel really bad for you. If you try to talk to him about it, and he doesn't understand, theres gonna be a fight and he's gonna blame you for it, right? If it were my dad, I would sit him down and just tell him how important it is to you for him to be there. I mean, come on, its his grandchild! Why the hell would he not want to be there? If you don't feel comftorable talking to him, write a letter. Tell him how much you want him there and how it won't be the same if he's not. You need his moral support, and if doesn't come, something is majorly wrong with him. No, don't put that in the letter, but make sure you let him know how much you need him. If that doesn't work, then I don't think your gonna have any luck. I know this may sound terrible, but if he doesn't come, it might be better off that way. Who needs a grandfather like that, right? Good Luck!
2006-08-15 12:04:10 · answer #4 · answered by Trish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with just waiting.
Your dad is operating out of extreme fear. Try to understand where he's coming from. The death of his mother altered his whole life. And you are his daughter, part of him. Even though it was a different time, the thought of losing you is unbearable.
I realize that this is very important to you, but if dad weren't here, you'd still be having the baby. Go about your life. Probably after the birth Dad will come see you & his grandbaby.
2006-08-15 12:07:36 · answer #5 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be my sister! I can only say that in a similiar fashion my dad does not know how to value relationships. I had asked my dad to come visit me in New York, Colorado, Ohio, Chicago, Vegas, you name it and he only did one time in over 13 years. I wanted my kids to have a relationship, but he decided that he had a list of things he wanted to do as he got older -- his grandkids (4) were not high on that list.
Though the differance between your dad and mine are probably significant in some areas, the fact that your dad is not willing to drive 2 hours is an indication that your dad is self-centered.
So, moving forward I suggest the hard path which is to not disown your dad etc. but to accept that he is this way and will not likely change. You will likely have to go to him and force him to be involved. You will not likely be able to force him to go. Sorry.
2006-08-15 12:09:26 · answer #6 · answered by Who me? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't mention having your husband there for the birth of your child. It's more important that he be there and not your father. Your husband may like to be considered the head of your household and not be intimidated by your father's presence. Talk to your husband about your desire that your father visits you in the hospital and maybe your husband will invite your father. Could that be what your dad is waiting for?
You are married are you?
If you are not married, maybe your dad is waiting for you to marry before the birth of your child so he doesn't have a bastard grandchild to explain to everyone!
2006-08-15 12:09:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
your dad might be scared after what happen with his mom. You know you are his daughter and the last thing he wants to see is his daughter die the same way his mom died. Maybe you need to comfort your dad and let him know. Hey dad if your not coming because of what happen to your mom, its ok. I will be fine. Also, tell him how much you need him there for the support and how much it will mean to you. I think ti will work out for the best.
2006-08-15 12:00:18 · answer #8 · answered by justwaitingtoleave 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him that this is a big part of your life and that regardless of how far he is from you, you want him to be there. If he chooses to not be there then it'll be his loss and not yours. Take it for what it is and don't take it personally. Men don't look at situations like woman do! Make sure you tell him how you feel and how important it is to you. Take Care and Good Luck
2006-08-15 12:06:55 · answer #9 · answered by smorgan1124 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds so proud of you. Not. Something more going on than what you are telling us.
He may be a stubborn old fool but seems to me he knew you were screwing up your life and now a baby with no father? Honey, take a look in the mirror.
2006-08-19 10:55:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋