Jokes anyone im sooo bord!!?

Question

thanks

Answer 1

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.

The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "No... it's because you're 25





There were two ants who lived in a girl's underwear. One day they decided to go exploring " the cave". Once they met back at the same spot one was covered in white stuff and the other was covered in brown stuff. the one covered in white asked," why are you covered in brown stuff?" the other ant said," well i got stuck in this stinky brown stuff but managed to wiggle free. now why are you covered in white stuff?" the white covered ant says," well i was walkin along and it was all soft and nice. pink and warm. until this bald guy comes out of nowhere and starts head butting me and spitting!"

Answer 2

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on
>>a
>>stool
>>and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented
>>octopus. He
>>Can play any musical instrument in the world."
>>
>>Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot.
>>
>>So he says that he will wager to anyone who has an instrument that
>>the
>>octopus can't play.
>>
>>A customer walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus.
>>
>>Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing
>>better
>>than Jimmy Hendrix. The guitar owner pays up.
>>
>>Another customer walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus
>>plays
>>the trumpet better than Miles Davis. The trumpet-owner coughs up.
>>
>>Then Jim, a Scotsman plunks some bagpipes on the table. The octopus
>>fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then backs off with a
>>confused look.
>>
>>"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae plae it?"
>>
>>The octopus looks up at him and says: "Play it? I'm going to shag
it as
soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off."

Answer 3

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "Why the long face?"

A dog walks into a bar with one leg wrapped up in a bandage and says, "Alright who's the one that shot my Pa".

Now this one is a true story. Around Christmas time, a teacher asked if any of her students would like to sing Joy to the World. One young fella stood up and belted out, "Jeremiah was a bullfrog..."

Answer 4

A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Bush, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."

The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

Answer 5

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, then looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Anderson Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73.84 percent more often than any other utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel is prepared to deal with that contingency,we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare spoon.

"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was rather impressed.

The waiter served our main course and I continued to look around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom."

"How so?"

"See," he continued, "by tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

"Okay, that makes sense, but . . . if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in?"

"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

Answer 6

ok this blond walks into a best buy and theres a sign that says no blonds so she colors her hair black because theres 90% off some of the new stuff there.........she walks in and asks how much is this tv? the man at the desk say ur a blond so plz lev now.......so she gose colors her hair brown and gose asks a different person and she says how much is this tv? and that person knows that she was a blone too and asked her to lev once more............she thinks to herself and she thought that thy remembered wat she looked like so she colors her hair red and makes herself look like a rocker but comes bake the next day and asks someone different how much is that tv overthere and he says ur a blond plz lev as he walks her out she stops and asks him how do u know im a blond? and he says thats not a tv its a microwave.............

Answer 7

Music! Movie! Entertainment

A guy gave his girlfriend a special unexpected call. And he asked her on the phone... where are u now?

She: In a bus on motion
He: If you know you truly love me shout I love you on the top of
your voice, 3 times...
And because she didn't want to break his heart, in the presence of all other passengers in the bus, she shouted extremely..
she: I luv u.. I luv u... I luv u.

And everybody thought to himself that this girl is mad. She noted this on their faces and told everyone..
She: Plz, don't look at me like that, it's my boyfriend's demand..
And they all laughed.

Hope it sounds good
http://tp-entertainment.blogspot.com

Answer 8

1. What do you call a cow with a twitch?........ beef jerky
2. What did Jon do when his dog ate his science book?....... he took the words right out of his mouth
3.when is homework not homework?......... when you turn it in to the teacher
4. Why did the chicken cross the road? .............. To show the blond how!
5What is a cat's favorite thing to read? ............. A catalog

Answer 9

Whats the difference between a langer(someone from cork) and a bucket of poo?
The bucket !

Answer 10

Sorry,Don't Have 1.