Is still having a deep emotional attachment/ connection between a man and his ex-lover considered infidelity?

Question

if u and yr guy are together, will u mind if he still has a deep emotional connection with his ex, in the sense tat he gets excited/ self-conscious when his ex is around him?

if u and yr guy are together, will u mind if he still has a deep emotional connection with his ex, in the sense tat he gets excited/ self-conscious when his ex is around him?

Answer 1

If you still have a thing for your ex then you shouldn't be in a new relationship. I would say, yes. That IS infidelity because adultery starts in the heart. You're not being honest with the partner you're with now. Your heart is not with your partner where it should be.
The ex is suppose to be forgotten. You will never be able to move FORWARD in your life when you're hanging on to the past.

Answer 2

For me infidelity means acting on the feelings and thoughts that may arise. No doubt if I knew my partner still had a "thing" for his ex, I would still so freak out, be a little cautious but would not consider him a cheat. I mean if the break up was amicable, I definitely cannot expect them to press a Delete button and all feelings go away. They were together for weeks or years or months, if they can "switch off" from caring ( or more ) just instantly, what is to stop him from falling out of love with me overnight also?

Why? If just having such feelings make a person an infidel, then I think the whole world is full of them. In the animal kingdom, some animals "dance" to seduce and attract a mate as a mating ritual whilst other animals Sing beautiful songs or powerful bellows, does that mean when we go clubbing with friends and dance with them we are disloyal? Or goingto a Karaoke bar and singing duets are we crossing the line?

Even by being totally enamored by stars... eg. When one looks at the new superman and swoons or a man looks at Elektra and his tongue hangs out... have they been disloyal? Yes to a certain degree... but fidelity I believe is about choice and control... the very one thing that puts humans apart from animals is the ability to control our feral hormonal instincts, resolute to be loyal.

Thats why going dancing or singing with friends DOESNT mean infidelity because the self awareness is there of our commitmentto our partners. But if a person KNOWS, there is still some 'feelings' leftover and unresolved, and yet puts himself/herself in the middle of the firing range then if the relationship crumbles and topples, due to a stupid mistake or accident... then that person has nobody to blame but thesmelves, because its like me when I am on diet, stocking up my pantry with Ben and Jerry's, Lays Chips and Chocolate is only trying torture myself with something I know I can't have... the human mind is quite funny in this sense, what you cannot have, it will seem a lot more valuable than when you can have it.

Answer 3

I would be hurt if my partner still had an emotional attachment to their ex. I think you should get over your partner before entering another relationship because it can really hurt your partner to know this. If you still have thoughts of sexual encounters with your ex, it is infidelity because you should only have those thoughts toward your present partner. If your partner told you that she have these thoughts about her ex, trust me you would not appreciate it. When you make a commitment to someone, it suppose to be a mind, body and soul connection just between the two people involved.

Answer 4

If my partner is sneaking around behind my back doing the nasty to topp up the attraction/attachment, yeah then it is. Otherwise, it is up to him to make the choice, if he still wants Da-Ex, then have a clean break otherwise look but no touch. We cannot stop anyone from liking/lusting over anyone, hell... we all do that, non?

A relationship is about trust, if I am constantly looking over my shoulder "expecting" our partners to cheat, then I guess the relationship was just not meant to be and doomed from the begining. I think the one thing that drives anyone crazy is knowing someone doesnt trust us, and constantly suspicious of our motives even when we are clean.Grilling and grilling ones partner about an ex or an acquaintance, sometimes can really drive them to DO what you expect or drive them away. Just like that couple in DESPERATE HOUSWIVES, Lynette( played by Huffman) was so suspicious of her husband that it really threw her into a huff ( no pun intended ) and made her into a monster that more less stuck a wrench in her husband's career.... Hubby himself didnt help either by being so "extra friendly ".

To me then, Infidelity of our partners is measured in our mind as to how much freedom we are ready to give ( mentally ) to each other, but I try to remember, if I expect to set limits I must abide by them myself, imagine if my partner flew into a tantrum each time I smile at a male colleague or receive a phone call from an ex, can I take that? If I can then i can expect to do the same....

Answer 5

Why would you still get excited around them?.. if you still have feelings for them I don't think you are ready to be dating someone else and if I were the girl you were dating I would be crushed that you felt that way! and yes I would feel it was infidelity.

Answer 6

I would definitely mind. He's your man now, not hers. He needs to get his head where it should be, in his current relationship-- not his past one. And if there are still unresolved feelings there, that's just an opening for infidelity. You need to talk to him about this and explain that you need someone who's 100% devoted to your relationship. Anything less and you're asking for trouble.

Answer 7

I'd be concerned. You're partner shouldn't get excited around his ex unless your partner thought there still might be a chance to get back with his ex.
Be happy that you are the one being used to make his ex jealous. You must be hot. :)

Answer 8

Yes...its called having an emotional affair and those can do just as much damage as the physical kind

Answer 9

Yes.

Answer 10

I have the same problem. I hope its not infidelity!