What is an appropriate punishment for a 14 yr old child who acts out in school?

Question

Yesterday,I got a call from the math teacher stating that my daughter got upset about her seat being changed and was insubordinate in class.My daughter was moved because she was having trouble seeing the board and she would come to the front to copy problems before returning to her seat near the rear of the class.FYI, my daughter has glasses that she is supposed to wear when in class to be able to see the board.The teacher had not seen glasses and this is the 2nd week of school. My daughter got mad and rolled her eyes at the teacher and said that she was being treated unfairly causing a disturbance in the class.This has been a past problem with my daughter.She can be disrespectful to adults when she doesn't agree with what's going on.This is her 1st yr of high school (9th).Math is her weakest subject. She needed to be in front anyway. I am pissed off majorly. My child had the nerve to act like she was being wronged by everyone else. She is woman size now and spankings can be trouble.

But, if I have to spank, I will. I expect more of her now. She wants to be treated like a young lady but her behaviour is immature. I want to send the message that this won't be tolerated. What can I do? BTW, I am divorced and raising her and her 11 yr old sister alone. No father in the picture at all. HELP! I want to drive my point home so that if confronted with similar circumstances in the future, she will think before she reacts.

Answer 1

You need to lay down the law, and let her know it is NEVER acceptable to be disrespectful to an adult.

Tell her bad behavior will be punished, and she will lose all priviledges. Take away all priviledges, and let her know they must be earned back.

No phone, no visiting friends, no watching television, video games, no computer. nada. Tell her this will be at least for a week, and then you'll think about it. Then be very strict, and don't give in. During this week, give her chores to do, extra homework assignments, etc.

When the week is up, tell her you've decided to let her earn back her priviledges. Then let her know what you expect to see. Graded homework, visible signs of respect to other people, call her teacher, and ask if her behavior is improved, etc. She needs to apologize to her teacher - genuinely. If she's sarcastic, or not sincere about it, she stays grounded until she can give a good apology. Every day that she's improved, give her a list of 3 priviledges, and she can choose one that she gets back. If she 'backslides', then she loses 3 priviledges. After a couple of weeks of good behavior, she can choose 2 priviledges.

Keep your cool, don't yell at her, and if she tries to yell at you, tell her calmly, obviously you are not ready for this discussion yet. Maybe in a week, we'll talk about how you can earn your priviledges back. If she yells, screams, cusses you out, ignore it. Then when she's calm, let her know that just lost the following priviledges for her behavior.

This way, you put it all on her. . .and you can point out to her, that her choices directly affect what she's allowed to do.

As for the glasses, if you're a single mom trying to raise two daughters, she's just going to have to suck it up. If she wants contacts that badly, when she's regained all her priviledges, tell her that she can earn money doing housework, babysitting and mowing lawns for neighbors, family and friends.

At her age, a spanking isn't helpful any longer, and slapping her will only make her hate you. When she figures out that the only way she's going to be able to do anything fun is to behave herself, then she'll come around.

The most important thing - be CONSISTANT. If you get tired of it yourself after a couple of weeks, and stop enforcing it, she'll know that next time, all she has to do is wait you out.

If you're not already doing it, nows the time to start having a curfew for your kids, limiting television and computer time, etc. But you also need to do fun things together. It's tough to do as a single parent, but get a couple of board games to play together. Do makeovers. Make a meal or dessert together. Do crafts. You might not get a lot of enthusiasm out of it at first, but you can win them over. When your kids get to the age that they're like this, its hard to get along with them, but its still important to have fun times together that they can look back upon and remember.

Answer 2

Gawd I thought it was me writing this and not you. I too have a 14 yr old mouth ..and disrespectful to authority of any kind.

You take away all privledges for 1 thing. NO TV, NO telephone use, NO computer time, NO friends over. you strip her room of everything that has to do with being a priveledge to have...even the RADIO......

You visit the school. and the teachers....let them know that you do not condone your daughters behavior and want her dealt with firmly with what ever the dicipline it is the school has to show your daughter that you mean business.

When your daughter sas's you ....a quick smack will suffice.....I've found out that this form of punishment is OK with not only CPS, DCFS but also juvenile hall probation. I know because My 14 yr old is currently reporting there.

You are the one that needs to set your daughters boundries. Rudeness and smart mouthiness shouldn't be tolerated!! You have to be consistant.....if you don't your daughter is in control ....and this is just what you don't want to happen.

I've curbed my daughters attitude by enrolling her in to team sports at school. VolleyBall, Basketball and anything that will make her work as a team player. My daughter is in 9th grade also this year. We have made it a point to make her become active in these physical sports. she burns of energy, it helps with her self-esteem, and self-confidence.....and makes her a much pleasanter person to be around!!

If MATH is your daughters weakest subject. MOST schools have tutoring and mentoring programs (FREE).....INquire about the FREE homework clubs, homework help etc affiliated with your school.!!! NO excuses for bad grades or low GPA either!!! There is plenty of FREE out there USE IT!!!

Answer 3

You said it yourself and must drill it into her...she wants to be treated like a young lady but acts immature. Since spanking is NEVER an option, grounding from the most important things or events and a continual reminder of how she would "like to be treated" will help in the long run. Consistency!!!

Answer 4

You can try grounding and taking away other privilages. Also explain to her that she is a young lady now and needs to act like one if that how she wants to be treated. My brother was a problem child and a lot of his problem was he didn't understand what was being taught so instead of being labeled as stupid or dumb he would just get kicked out the class. Maybe she would be interested in getting a tutor to help.

Answer 5

at her age, she's too old for spanking; and if u do spank her, then she'll rebel even more so don't do it. ground her for a week w/o phone & t.v. privileges, etc. tell her that u'll also ground her the next time her friends want to do something, cause that might not happen the same week-end she's getting punished and what fun would that be? have her do boring house-work instead and if she starts hollering, tell her that's one more time she won't be able to go w/ her friends in addition to the first one. watch her straighten up in no time and u get a clean house in the bargain!

Answer 6

Make her go to the teacher and apologize. Then, talk to your daughter and find out what is really bothering her. The class? Teacher? Glasses? Possibly give her some good advice on what she can do to make the situation better.

Answer 7

Have her volunteer for a couple hours at a school setting for adults who need to learn basic math skills in order to get a job. Find some punishment appropriate to what she is doing wrong.

Answer 8

Take away any video games, movies, computer games. Take away anything that isnt school related. Get her a math tutor and MAKE her do it. Punish her severely now and she will thank you for it later. Its not too late to get her grades up, but you have to make her focus on what she is doing. Dont let her go out, Dont let her go shopping, dont let her do ANYTHING. My parents were like this to me when I acted out, and Im in college with a 4.0 Now. Good luck.

Answer 9

no tv, no phone, no friends for a week?

I don't have kids but those things worked pretty well for me.

The bigger issue is the fact that your daughter does not wear her glasses. Perhaps she feels they make her unattractive or stand out and would prefer contacts. That might solve the other issue.

Answer 10

U can take her somewhere and show her what happens to people who don't get the proper education.....Let her spend the day in jail.........I don't know if the state you live in has those types of program where troubled children can actually live like already committed a crime..