When Choosing a Partner for a Long-Term Loving Relationship What Should We Look for to Ensure Compatability?

Question

I am 49, divorced for 10 years with 3 teenage boys who live with their mother and I am wanting a girlfriend for a close, happy, warm, comfortable and lasting sexual relationship full of love and support.. Isn't this what everybody wants from a partner? But how do we know when we have found the right person? And what are the best ways of finding the right person anyway? Any good advice? Compatability is important but how can we recognise this? Are shared values, priorities and principles important? And "chemistry"? People can experience amazing "chemistry" frequently, sometimes or never. But what is "chemistry"? And what ingredients make it happen? And is "chemistry" reliable? Does it indicate compatablity of the kind that I want? And what about sexual attraction? Can we improve our sexual attractiveness? Or is sexual attraction something beyond control? Is it important and, if so, in what way? And it is important to have shared interests and some areas of difference?

Answer 1

Compromise is what it all boils down to.

Answer 2

Wow, quite a question you posed. I'm divorced myself, and I know there is no "magical" way to tell if you can be with someone on a long term basis. I realized after my divorce that the relationship was probably flawed from the beginning because we didn't really know each other that well, and we didn't communicate well.

I am now in a relationship that I feel can be permanent. We communicate well, and we both are divorced and had similar problems in our past relationships. You HAVE to be able to talk about what you like and don't like and what bothers you. You can't always keep stuff inside, which is a common thing for guys.

Shared interests are somewhat important. You have to be able to talk about and do things together that you both like, but it is also important to not lose yourself in the relationship and stop doing things that only you like. You have to be able to be in the relationship while still being yourself.

You should be able to be friends with the person first without even dealing with the romantic possibilities. Hopefully, after a short time, you will find a spark there as well.

Now, the toughest question. Where to find the person and where to look? You have to be able to put yourself out there somewhere. Work usually isn't a good idea unless you work for a very large company where you basically never see the person during the day. There's also church, health clubs, and online. I actually have a few cousins who found success online. One other possibility is the grocery store at about 10pm on a Friday night. All the housewives are home with their families and all the girls with dates and boyfriends are out somewhere. If you see a woman walking around a grocery store at that time, she is probably available.

From my experience, that's about all I can offer. Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm no expert, but after 35 years of marriage to the same wonderful man,I have found that our shared values, both morally and religiously are very important. We are oposites in personalaity type....He's outgoing and verbal and Im quiet and laid back. It's a chemistry that works for us. Take the time to talk about what you both value while you are dating. If you are both givers, not takers, that's a plus because you will both try to out do each other in giving to each other. If you are both takers, you can expect divorce, because you will just be using each other for selfish purposes. We have some shared interests, like going to rummage sales and antique stores. We have areas of difference. I'm not into sports and he loves football. But I love reading and writing and romance novels. So we compromise here. I do what I love when he does what he loves.

Answer 4

Now David DeAngelo would say that if you keep up the attraction, then she's yours. But I'd add you cannot keep her attracted to you all the time (except when doing this has been the purpose of your life).
One thing: don't do dating online. It's risky. It feels safer, but you won't really know what to do when a dragon comes up.
Instead... think of what can you do to meet and keep a woman close to you. Maybe you need to work out a bit ... Learn some jokes or any other entertaining stuff. Improve yourself. Consolidate you world. Be always yourself, even if this means being grumpy, rude, reckless. Don't ever be a fake, 'cause girls pick this up fast (except if she's stupid).

Answer 5

I think knowing what you really want in life is the most important. You should be realistic in what you want in a mate. Dreams are often just that dreams. Sexual attraction is very important but will not keep a relationship going. You must really get to know the person you are dating I'm talking about their faults as well as their virtues. Make the choice with the head on your shoulders weather you can accept them with their faults as well as your own faults. Know if you have the same thoughts in mind for your future. Take it slow.

Answer 6

i think it's age personal beliefs(which could be religious or political) family types(people real close to their family work well with those who are the same,a nd vis versa for the indepentant people) and financial stability

Answer 7

You should go to Match.com or one of those dating sites. They match you up that way!

Answer 8

well try on line dating and see if that will work . . .good luck

Answer 9

a vagina

Answer 10

ugh, you just know it when you're with the right person. duh.