what is up with this man?

Question

This guy has been calling me everyday. Finally, he asked me over to his house. But, when i got there, he sat on a different couch the whole time. He never talks about himself, but listens to me when i talk. This guy has so much self-control about himself, his work, his passion, his sexuality. He is so relaxed and protective though, but he sends these vibes that he is angry, controlling, and agressive. Has anyone experienced someone like this, and if so, who am i dealing with?

Answer 1

It's not that rare for someone to be both self-protective and aggressive. Even people who seem self confident are sometimes very insecure.

There could be three reasons he never got physically close to you when you were at his house. One is that he might have feared you would reject him. Another is that he might have been trying to play it cool and make you come to him. Or the last reason could be both of the above.

Take your time with this guy. Don't jump in before you understand more about what's going on inside him. I'm not saying he's not nice. I'm just saying you don't know if he is or not. It's definitely worth taking the time to find out before you get in very deep.

Answer 2

You are dealing with a guy who doesn't know himself. He will agree with your initial description about self-control and relaxed and protective, but he will deny being angry, controlling or agressive.

My best friend was like that, and the girl he was with went through hell because he would show her absolutely no empathy. When they started breaking up, he started telling stories about what a horrible woman she was and his friends were cracking jokes about how she's the devil. Everythogn was always her fault. He even told me once that she's not worth meeting. I knew the way he was and I had decided to deal with him, but he made her suffer on a whim. So I took her out and ended my relationship with him.

Tread with caution, because he thinks that he's doing so many great things for you, while the thing he's doing best is making you feel unsure and afraid.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are dealing with an angry, controlling, aggressive individual. I had an ex-husband who was like that. He doesn't want to share anything about himself, maybe because he's afraid of letting people get that close to him. If he's what I think he is, I would advise you to run the other way. Angry, controlling and aggressive is something you don't need in your life. If he is that way now, it will only get more pronounced as the relationship develops.

Answer 4

You're dealing with someone like me. He probably is afraid to show himself to you even though he really wants to and he probably has something about himself that he hates, hates hates. He might think that if he shows the thing about himself that he hates you will disappear from his life. Something that would make his hatred of that thing about himself or hatred of himself even more powerful.

He is a human-being like you. He has every emotion you do and therefore is really complex. If you are worried about your health and being around him then you shouldn't be there alone with just him. If you're fine with it then try and get him to open up. If he responds with anger then leave it. If he opens a little do not pounce on him just let him give you a little at a time. He might be afraid to bear all his scars.

Answer 5

Yeah. These are the character traits of someone with a passive-aggressive personality. He portrays himself as a good listener and a confident self-controlled man, but he's got a lot of anger and resentment bottled up. Listen to your instincts and watch the signs. If he suddenly lashes out for no apparent reason and all this anger spills over, make your exit as tactfully as you can and DON'T SEE HIM AGAIN. This behavior is a precursor to physical violence.

Answer 6

You are dealing with someone that will not be able to express his feelings to you. If you are looking for a man that is open with his feelings and thoughts, he is not the man. Now don't get me wrong its nice to have a man that just wants to listen to you talk but you want feedback and you do not want an angry man. Because this type of man will make your life a living hell and he has the potential to become physical abusive. So unless you want to deal with this (and no, you can not help him) type of man go ahead but be very careful.

Answer 7

Well, this guy presumably likes you in some way. Perhaps he finds you physically attractive or perhaps he even fancies you. Or, if he got a chance to get to know you or to see you in action before he started calling you, then maybe he likes your personality and wants to get to know you better. And he may be a relaxed and protective person but then on the other hand he may have been told that women like these things and he is trying to sell himself as a relaxed and protective guy. But how do you feel about his seemingly relaxed manner and his seemingly protective manner? Because you can always tell a lot about what is really going on by noticing what is happening inside of you in response to some aspect of another person or in response to some aspect of their behaviour. If you like his relaxed manner and his protective atitude then it is probably genuine and safe. In other respects I think that this guy is putting on an act. It's probably not a particularly bad or harmful act. In fact, his act may even good and interesting and useful in some ways. But it is still not genuine. Some people have a hard time in life learning to be themselves or giving themselves permission to be themselves. In childhood they were probably criticised or even punished in subtle or not so subtle ways. They then learned ways of being "someone else" or playing a role in order to avoid hurtful criticism or punishment. Perhaps this guy is an extreme example. With other people in potentially intimate encounters shows an interest in helping the other person, you, to express herself and to talk about herself and to share her thoughts, feelings and opinions but he really doesn't seem to know where to start with the business of being himself and making it easy for other people to get to know him. I think that he could be a bit of a challenge but you may want to take on this challenge as an opportunity for leaning and fun and a whole bunch of other things. If you can't turn this situation into one of learning and fun then forget about it. The starting point is for you to be a bit more assertive and follow your feelings. You would like to know more about him then try to get from him the kind of responses that you are looking for. Ask him lots of interesting questions and show him support and encouragement. With the right approach he might even open up and blossom. But don't worry about walking away if at any stage you decide that it's not working or it's not going anywhere.

Martin Camden.

Answer 8

A person who has to be in control of themselves that much, and possibly their environment, will eventually attempt to assert control over you. This type of person needs order to everything in their life. They have an idea of how they need everything to be in order to make them feel comfortable. The real world scares them to death because there are too many variables they can't control.

In relationships, it might not start off controlling, at least it might not appear that way. Eventually, though, this type of person tries to change others into their idea of what makes them feel comfortable. They can get consumed in fear and become increasingly irritable and aggressive if that person does not change to suit their comfort level.

In short, beware!

Answer 9

I don't know how you're getting the 'angry, controlling, agressive' vibe, but it sounds like to me he's interested in you but he's hesitant to do anything about it.

Answer 10

he sounds like he's afraid to get involved, wants to know all about you, but won't share what his thoughts are. I don't get how you can call him relaxed and protective but angry and aggressive? try getting him to open up about himself, if he won't do that, maybe he doesn't like himself, and just wants someone around to ease the lonliness, but I would move on if he won't open up. Good luck!