Does your 4 year old act this way?

Question

My 4 year old son wants everything just perfect. If it something is not done right he has to back up and do it over again and if we refuse he screams and cries. Is this just a way of him testing us to see if we'll actually do it? We've put him in time out and it has slacked off a little. We never give in.

He doesn't keep his room clean and it is not like OCD. He is not obsessed over things. Like for example his pop tart. He will sit and break the pop tart and then says he can't eat it because he can't eat a broken pop tart.

I'm thinking it is a phase because he doesn't do it as bad as he use to. Seems like he is growing out of it.

Answer 1

My little one is going to be four shortly in a couple of months and he already does what you are experiencing.
If you think about it when they are babys they can do nothing for themselves really, and as they get older they become more assertive in a way.
My little man thinks he already knows everything, if he is working on something and I try to help, he says mommy let me do this, if he has a tone in his voice when he says this, then he is sitting in time out for it, if he says it without an attitude and asks for me to let him do it, well then that is another story.
He has become a perfectionist when it comes to putting his clothes on, shoes and just about everything else like pouring milk into a cup.
There are times I just have to back up and let him learn, when he really needs help he lets me know. Its not that he doesn't need me, its just that he is well growing up and becoming a real little person.
Keep in mind that if we as adults mess up, we have to start all over or if we do something and its not to our liking then we redo it over again. Practice makes perfect.
There maybe times when he is getting to frustrated on the task that he was doing that for his best interest in mind you may have to tell him no, he may not like it but that is why we are the parents and they are the kids.
good luck. and hoped this helped.

Answer 2

I'd rather have a child that cares like this than one that doesn't care at all if things are done right. Kids have their own ways of doing things. If it bugs you that much, talk to his pediatrician. Could be completely normal or it could be signs of something going on (OCD, autism, etc.).

From the time my son was a year old, he would line everything up (shoes, blocks, toys, etc.) in a perfect line. If anyone came along and touched it or even moved it just a hair, it was a full blown fit. Come to find out, my son has Asperger's Syndrome (a form of very high functioning autism). Rigid order and routine are extremely important to his ability to function. The tiniest changes in his daily schedule can be debilitating for him.

My nephew would go through and clean his toys up just so. He had his own way he wanted them put away. Anyone didn't put them away in just his way, he'd go back and redo it all over again, and be upset the whole time. There's NOTHING wrong with him. He just had his way of doing his toys.

So it could mean something; it could mean nothing more that you have an organized child. Talk to his pediatrician if it's bugging you that bad. Otherwise, count yourself lucky that he cares. Good luck!

Answer 3

I would have him tested, he's probably gifted. I went through the same thing when i was 6 months through 5 years.

When i was 6 months i would try to put my shoes on, and i would literally get my toes into them, and throw them across the room and have a tantrum. My mom thought something was wrong with me. Most 6 month olds dont even care about their shoes, let alone understand that they go on their feet.

The doctor did testing and found that I was extremely gifted and would throw fits because i couldnt get things right like i could see them in my head. My little body couldnt function like an adults to perform the tasks i was trying to do.

I doubt its OCD or anything, since its such an early age for such a learned behavior, which usually has other causes such as trauma or hormone imbalances.

Answer 4

My son likes to have everything just right. We started telling him that his room is his spot in the house and he can keep his room the way he wants as long as it is clean. He seems to a lot of pride in that. Whenever someone comes over he has to show them his room and he says "this is my spot and I get to put things just how I want them." That helped him slack of about the rest of the house being his way. Our doctor feels like it possible that he has OCD and said that this would be the best way to help and that it would also help as he gets older. That way he will not worry as much about the rest of the world and won't stress about things that aren't right, Since he has a space that is right for him.

Answer 5

My 4 year old son does the same thing. Usually we just try to distract him and he eventually stops crying. If it is something simple that can easily be repeated we let him to avoid the screaming and crying. He is just learning and hates it when he can't accomplish something so it makes him feel good to do it his own way. I beieve it's just a stage and it will pass. He also wants shoes all set up in a row and stuff like that but that's OK too if it makes him happy. If it is something we can't do like start over from a destination because something happened in the car like his brother talking LOL and he wants to go back and start over he eventually gets over it by being distracted by something else. If it's as simple as starting over putting his shoes on or something it's easier to go back and let him. I don't think a time out is right he shouldn't be punished for wanting things perfect just when you can't let him do it his own way wait and the tantrum will pass. He is only 4 and just learning and wanting to find his own way of doing things.

Answer 6

My son would do this, but he never grew out of it. Later we found he was a high functional autisitc. Every kid goes thru phases. My other children had phases and they passed thru them. One of my other children passed thru this phase and is normal. Keep an eye on it and see how it passes or doesn't. Focus more on the boundaries of when he can be a perfectionist and when not. He has a need to be perfect and let him...to an extent. I don't believe he is testing you. Yet even my autistic son learns the limits despite his need for things to be in a perfect way. If it passes you won't have much to worry about, but be glad its over. Yet if it doesn't pass...go get him checked out of other things. I didn' t figure out my son was autistic until he was 6 1/2, and wasn't diagnoised until he was 8. I have other kids just normal. So keep an eye on it and keep your boundaries. Let him have his way when it is ok for him to have his way.

Answer 7

He's only a kid so he is just spoiled and expects everything to go his way that's all. He doesn't have any problems but you really do need to start disciplining him more because if not he will grow up thinking that all he has to do is act crazy to get his way. Honestly time out doesn't work for kids because that doesn't do anything but make them think that every time he does something bad he goes in time out. Kids start off early with taking control so stop him before he starts running you and your household.

Answer 8

I would say it's more about seeing what HE can accomplish. He wants to see if he can make it better. I've seen some kids use "perfectionism" as a stalling tactic- can't go to bed until all the toys are lined up just right- so maybe that's it too. I guess you need to decide if it's a tactic or if he's intent on learning.

Answer 9

My son was like that. He wouldn't scream or cry but he did want everything to be perfect. He would pout if we didn't do things the exact way he wanted or in the exact order he wanted. The behavior passed so try to have patience.

Answer 10

ok well kids have their little quirks for the most part...its their way of showing their independance and that they can make choices, for example. my daughter will only were diapers if they have the pink care bear on them. she is younger too though.
not to scare you or anything but if it persists ild mabey get him tested. sometimes Autistic children get obsessive over things.
ild let it slide for awhile now though and just observe him.